Embracing the Mental

I have a friend who lost their mind. When it happened in my 20s, I was so sad and confused and shocked. What could happen that young to cause one to lose it? Everyone around me was so optimistic about their futures. When I heard what had happened to my friend, it really felt like there was a fallen soldier that both me and our mutual friends were leaving behind. Today, I see the situation and mental illness a whole lot differently. Honey, we are all one missed crazy pill dose or therapy session away from dropping our baskets. 

Throughout my life, there have been commonalities amongst my peers. There were points where everyone was in a bad relationship, or trying to lose weight, or looking for a new job, or moving. At some point, the commonality became that everyone was depressed. I can not pinpoint when this exact time was because no one was talking about it. Everyone was just getting put on meds and getting a shrink in secret. I didn't get let in on what was going on until I myself got depressed and started talking to people about it. I couldn't believe that the people I love the most, the people that I talk to regularly, were secretly navigating their mental health. If I had not told them how I was doing, I am pretty sure the secret would have stayed under their hats. 

It can also go in the opposite direction. The downside about being friends with a lot of scholars is that they tend to academicize (I thought I was making a new word, but it's a real word already) everything they are going through. For some reason, turning everything into a potential Ted Talk makes it easier for them to digest. Your hard time may be worth it if it gets turned into an Oprah's Book Club selection. My brain doesn't work that way. It's much easier for me to acknowledge that my life is in the sh*tter and try to make moves from there, minus the panel discussion. Sometimes I think of how much less pressure it would be for those in my ecosystem to just say, "Yeah, I got down. Maybe even beyond down, and now I am getting back up" without all the extra fluff. 

With this in mind, I see my "fallen" friend differently. They were not a mess or a disappointment; they were brave and a trailblazer. It must have been so hard for them to admit that something was up when life was coming up roses for everyone around them. They had to be afraid that people wouldn't understand. I didn't, but I totally do now. If I could talk to the youngins coming up behind me, I would greet them with open arms at the gates to Crazy Town. I'd let them know they were amongst friends. No more leaving friends behind. 

The 60 Singles

This influencer on Instagram was doing an interview and said that he read a study that said that by 2050, there will be the largest number of single 60-year-olds ever on the books. Single 60-year-olds? Listen, if the world thinks that I am going to be on an app somewhere asking men what their hobbies are at 60, it has another thing coming! At what point do you tap out and decide to dedicate your life to reading The Bible and trying different types of teas? Whenever I go to the doctor, she makes it a point to tell me I'm not old. Aren't I? Somehow, age has become relative, but I tell you what, I feel too old now to be trying to find someone to settle down with. I know that 60 has become the new 25, but I am telling you now, if I hit the double 30 and I am still fishing for coffee dates out here, I want someone who loves me to very politely push me off the top of something that is very high. 

Okay, so do you all watch reality TV? You are lying! I know you do, and since you do, I insist that you watch Bravo's The Love Hotel. A whole bunch of single dudes try their hands at hooking up with four real housewives, one of which being my White aunty Shannon Storms Beador from The Real Housewives of Orange County. Let me tell you, Shannon went through it in her marriage and in her relationship after her marriage. So, at 60, she decided to try her hand at finding love by going on the show. And she met a guy her age and hit it off with him...at first. Child, he was 60 and refused to eat vegetables! He wore weird shoes and had very poor communication skills. Like, very poor. But Shannon tried to make it work because she always gives 110 percent. Sadly, it crashed and burned. I walked away from watching this show in shock. When you have a partner, you have to take the good with the bad and be prepared to argue your points and listen to your partner argue theirs. But can you imagine being 60 having to explain to your man why broccoli is important? Again, push me off of something high. 

As bad as being single at 60 sounds, I am good and on my way there. Every conversation I engage in on the dating app leaves me rolling my eyes. I asked this one guy what he was doing and he said he was watching Hentai. I Googled it and found out that it's some kind of weird anime cartoon porn! Can you believe he would tell me that? These are the interactions that are littering the ground on the yellow sh*t road to 60 singleness. Happy travels! 

Diaries of a No-Lose Loser

As I sit here eating Popeye's Chicken for lunch, I find myself feeling a little sad and defeated. My college homecoming is coming up, and I am super excited to go. I can not wait to reconnect with some people that I have not seen in almost 20 years. Everyone is talking about how fun it is going to be, and I just know it is going to be amazing! But I am disappointed, thinking the same thing that I think before every homecoming: Aw man, I was supposed to be skinny by now!

I gotta tell you kids, I was pretty dilulu when it came to this homecoming. It is the 100-year anniversary of my alma mater, and I had fantasies of literally showing up on campus in rainboots and a thong. I would spend the whole weekend flirting with boys and twerking on car hoods. I have lost a little weight, but nowhere near enough to attend the day party topless as originally planned. I just knew that this homecoming was going to be high energy. It won't be. I can already tell. The other day, while I was planning the events I am going to attend, I had possibly the strongest urge I've ever had to take a nap. Maybe if I try really hard, like sleep through breakfast and skip lunch, I can lose 200lbs in 30 days. I will get started after I finish my Popeye's.