Forget Me Not

Do you all know who Michael Irvin is? You probably do. I didn't until I saw the recent documentary on the Dallas Cowboys on Netflix. He's a pretty famous football player from the 90s. He has been doing interviews about his wife, who was diagnosed with Early-Onset Alzheimer's. The disease originally went unchecked because everyone assumed she was suffering from memory loss due to menopause. Yes, memory loss due to menopause, which is a real thing, as if women don't have enough to worry about. He has discussed caregiving for her, which I can only imagine is devastating for him because it was devastating for my family when we were taking care of my grandma who had Alzheimer's. However, my grandma was in her 80s. His wife is nowhere near that old, and hearing about her story made me nervous. I am younger than her by almost 20 years, but how early can you get Early-Onset Alzheimer's? I have no idea. But what I do know is that if you know someone who has had Alzheimer's, you are afraid you are going to get it. 

My grandma was a huge part of my life. She helped to raise me, and I spent a large part of my life with her. I loved her so much and relied on her. She was so active that I never thought that she would get something like Alzheimer's. However, by the time I graduated from college, it was clear that something was not right, and for the next few years, I got to watch her forget our names while bringing up stories from her childhood that we could not confirm were true. After she died, my mom told me that she thought she was getting it whenever she forgot something. My aunty has expressed fears of having it if she forgets a minor detail, and now I am starting to be fearful, especially now that I know that this thing can creep up on you when you aren't even old. 

I cannot imagine forgetting my life. It hasn't been the best life in the world, but it has been mine, with memories of laughter and friends and jokes and experiences. When my grandma got really bad, she had forgotten who I was and referred to me as her daughter. I can't imagine forgetting who my niece and nephew are. Sometimes I can't remember the names of people I knew in college which scares me, even though I have not seen or spoken to them in almost 20 years. It's a constant silent state of panic. It's now yet another anxiety to add to the list that I wish I could forget.