Mammogram Part 2

The day of my mammogram, I prayed that God decrease my anxiety so I could go, get it done, and not reschedule. I was feeling antsy seeing that I'd had a weird dream that I was afraid could be a foreshadowing. I dreamed that me and my grandma were at the park and I was telling her how I was afraid of my mammogram results. She then reached over, squeezed my left breast, and a thick, red, waxy material came out of it. I woke up, not believing that could be a good sign. 

As the time rolled around to go to my appointment, I felt oddly calm. I credit this to my aunty and nephew coming with me, even though they stayed in the car. The doctor's office was oddly quiet. It was towards the end of the day. I was apprehensive, but my anxiety was at bay. 

Let me just say thank you to the sweet Jamaican woman who performed my mammogram. She was patient and kind to me as my anxiety eventually showed up and took over the show. With my left breast awkwardly compressed in the mammogram machine, I started crying and had the urge to rip my boob out of the machine (which would have been painful and possibly would have left me maimed) and run. 

Once it was over, I was told my results would be available in a week. So I was shocked to get an email the next day saying my results were available online. I immediately rolled over and called my gyno office. 

"I can interpret your results, but moving forward,  we probably aren't the appropriate place to call to get your mammogram results," a doctor who wasn't my doctor said before putting me on hold. Uh, okay. After about 30 seconds she popped back on the line and told me everything was fine and to get a mammogram again in a year. That's when I started crying. 

You want to talk about literal tears of joy?! I was so grateful to God. I truly didn't have the bandwidth to deal with more bad news or another health issue. I'm already overwhelmed trying to lose weight and keep my marbles.

A few moments later,  I dried my eyes and took a deep breath. Another fine crisis avoided to be readdressed next year. 

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Bye-Bye Bra

After getting out of the pool at the gym I tried something that I have not done since I was in the second grade: I didn't put on a bra.
I know, I know. For a woman of my age and size this is a definite no-no. I would not suggest if you are anything above a B cup that you try this at home. I didn't plan on leaving the gym without my bra, but I have to say, I just DID NOT feel like putting it on. I was still damp, I was ready to go home, and on mistake, I had walked out of the shower without putting it on, and I didn't want to expose innocent bystanders to my boobs in the locker area.
I have to say, I was truly surprised with the end result. In my black summer dress, my boobs almost looked perky. Without hard nipples, you could not even tell that they were pointing south!
Walking into the grocery store after the gym, I felt liberated. That bra burning nonsense of the 60s actually made sense to me as I tossed a package of chicken legs in my cart. I liked the way it felt to have my boobs jiggling freely in public. I actually felt more confident than I do in the super support bras that a woman of my...stature is forced to wear.
So that day I decided: no more bras! I kicked myself for having bought a $40 bra the day before from Lane Bryant. I packed my gym bag, minus the bra, and proudly pranced to the pool. Afterward, I put on my gray summer dress, looked in the mirror, and had to stop myself from screaming. In gray, my boobs were a totally different story. I'd say an honest one. The girls dangled lifelessly from my chest like two half-empty two liters.
In shame, I exited the gym and headed to the store, feeling like EVERYONE was staring at me.
Needless to say, my bra is securely packed in my gym bag. I've learned my lesson.