Apparently, my church singles ministry isn't as boring as I was originally led to believe. During the church's recent women's retreat, I was informed by my bonk mate that the singles often go on these cute little group dates. It's like Jesus's answer to speed dating. Naturally, I wanted in. So I asked her about the guy I like at church, Bill, and she had bad news for me.
"Yeah, he's single. But he has bad reviews."
I felt like someone had let the air out of my balloon. He's really hot. Really sweet. Employed. But the review is that he is a bit of a man-child. This wouldn't be that big of a deal if he were not about three years older than me.
Later that night, I found myself mourning Bad Review Bill. I liked him so of course, his reviews had to be bad. But then it dawned on me: who amongst us doesn't have bad reviews? I have made it a point to completely cut off communication with any man I have ever talked to romantically, but if I found their number in an old phone and asked them for my reviews, I am betting they would be worst than Bill's.
Sickles would say that I am a tease that is way too available. Because I was lonely, I would still accept his calls, when he did call, which could be anywhere between 2-3 times a year.
H-Town, this overly optimistic tard that I met at the mall would tell you that I am a downer. His relentless glass-half-full attitude made me feel even sadder than I was usually. He gave me no space to express my real feelings, so I found myself often lying about my mood, sweetening all of our texts with happy emojis that I didn't mean. He went back to Texas for a job and I was happy. I'd rather be depressed than fake excited about life.
The others would take note of my fear of germs, refusal to French kiss, and irritating naivety when it comes to dating. Pool Bae from the pool at the gym would have worst reviews that that, upset about how I wanted him to be my boyfriend and cut him off when he said that that was not an option. He liked me and all, but his main girl was paying all of his bills, which was great because he paid a butt-load in child support, and he didn't want to shake things up. I found that unacceptable and we stopped talking. I'm sure he would say I'm not understanding.
As we try to find love in our 30s, should past reviews even matter? Another woman's complaint could be your Godsend. Or should us mature daters pay even more attention to 2-star guys, seeing that we no longer have dating time to waste? I guess that depends on the woman. I myself am not sure, but Bill is cute enough not to care either way.
Wednesday, October 10, 2018
Seniora Flake and Shake
Since my friendship began with Seniora Flake and Shake when I was 19, I have been totally confused about where we really stood. Maybe I am needy. Maybe I am extra. But I like to know where I stand with all the people in my life, not just males I'm romantically interested in and to be honest, since the beginning, my friendship with Seniora Flake and Shake has been an It's Complicated situation.
Even as college sophomores, she had a way of taking me on and off the shelf when she needed someone to confide in. And I guess that was cool with me because I thought that she was cool and at 19, everyone in your life is shakey. Her life was a series of romantic dramas and nightmares that was juicy and dramatic to a gal like me that spent her Saturday nights in the dorm listening to old Outkast CDs. Throughout our 20s, it got worse. I would only hear from her when she needed advice or a secret kept. And that transitioned to me not hearing from her for months at a time, only to get a call randomly as if no time had passed. I never called her on it because I was happy to hear that she was alive. Seniora liked to party.
Three years ago things really got bad. I got a new phone and sent out a Facebook group message requesting all my friends' numbers. She left the group. I then sent her a private message, and she did not respond. Months later, I got her number from a mutual friend as to text her and ask for her email address to send her an invite to my birthday party. She responded with an attitude so I gave her some space and kept her invite to herself. She had gone from shakey and flakey to completely absent. Although she had always been touch and go, she could be a good friend at times. She donated money to my project of trying to stay in my apartment after I lost my job. That's a good friend, right?
The icing on the cake was when I messaged her after my mom died and her whole attitude was that of a woman that couldn't be bothered. I was shocked, seeing that she's a shrink!
That was a year ago. Last week, she hit me up on Facebook to give me tickets to a play she can't make it to. No cost. She just thought I'd like it.
If I had her number, I would call her and ask simply and gently WHAT THE HELL ARE WE? I mean, we can't be friends, can we? Were we ever? I found myself meditating yesterday about where the ball dropped with us and, I dare say, that there was never a ball to begin with. I'm no longer 19. I need stability in all my relationships. I need reasoning. I need to be able to talk things out when they go south. But there is also a time when you have to realize you have been friend dumped and move on. I'm not sure how to feel. I will let you know after the play.
Even as college sophomores, she had a way of taking me on and off the shelf when she needed someone to confide in. And I guess that was cool with me because I thought that she was cool and at 19, everyone in your life is shakey. Her life was a series of romantic dramas and nightmares that was juicy and dramatic to a gal like me that spent her Saturday nights in the dorm listening to old Outkast CDs. Throughout our 20s, it got worse. I would only hear from her when she needed advice or a secret kept. And that transitioned to me not hearing from her for months at a time, only to get a call randomly as if no time had passed. I never called her on it because I was happy to hear that she was alive. Seniora liked to party.
Three years ago things really got bad. I got a new phone and sent out a Facebook group message requesting all my friends' numbers. She left the group. I then sent her a private message, and she did not respond. Months later, I got her number from a mutual friend as to text her and ask for her email address to send her an invite to my birthday party. She responded with an attitude so I gave her some space and kept her invite to herself. She had gone from shakey and flakey to completely absent. Although she had always been touch and go, she could be a good friend at times. She donated money to my project of trying to stay in my apartment after I lost my job. That's a good friend, right?
The icing on the cake was when I messaged her after my mom died and her whole attitude was that of a woman that couldn't be bothered. I was shocked, seeing that she's a shrink!
That was a year ago. Last week, she hit me up on Facebook to give me tickets to a play she can't make it to. No cost. She just thought I'd like it.
If I had her number, I would call her and ask simply and gently WHAT THE HELL ARE WE? I mean, we can't be friends, can we? Were we ever? I found myself meditating yesterday about where the ball dropped with us and, I dare say, that there was never a ball to begin with. I'm no longer 19. I need stability in all my relationships. I need reasoning. I need to be able to talk things out when they go south. But there is also a time when you have to realize you have been friend dumped and move on. I'm not sure how to feel. I will let you know after the play.
Monday, October 8, 2018
Friends
I will admit that I have had a huge issue with comparing myself to other women, and with the creation of social media, it has only gotten worse. As I sit here broke, I have the pleasure of logging on to my Instagram to see my rich college friends traveling the world and buying houses. But there is something to be said for being thankful for what you do have, and what I do have is friends.
Over the weekend, I had the opportunity to attend a women's conference. And during the conference, so many women opened up about not having friends. Can you imagine not having so much as one person you call a friend? While I have been drooling over people in my life that have nice cars and money to throw around, I really didn't understand how blessed I am to have friends in my life. And not just seat fillers; people who only come around when there is a housewarming or a bowling night. I mean real friends, like the people that I called after my mom died and when I went broke. There is truly something to be said about having a community. They typically take years to build and as I am finding out, no amount of cash can buy you genuine support.
I'm realizing that this is one of those grownup lessons that they tell you when you are a kid that doesn't resonate until you are older. And even though I don't have my own car or place to live, I can say that I'm very happy that I have good people in my life. I get now that there are other girls out there that don't.
Over the weekend, I had the opportunity to attend a women's conference. And during the conference, so many women opened up about not having friends. Can you imagine not having so much as one person you call a friend? While I have been drooling over people in my life that have nice cars and money to throw around, I really didn't understand how blessed I am to have friends in my life. And not just seat fillers; people who only come around when there is a housewarming or a bowling night. I mean real friends, like the people that I called after my mom died and when I went broke. There is truly something to be said about having a community. They typically take years to build and as I am finding out, no amount of cash can buy you genuine support.
I'm realizing that this is one of those grownup lessons that they tell you when you are a kid that doesn't resonate until you are older. And even though I don't have my own car or place to live, I can say that I'm very happy that I have good people in my life. I get now that there are other girls out there that don't.
Wednesday, September 26, 2018
Scrooge Mc30Something
Don't nobody bring me no good news or bad news, I don't want to hear it.
I'm over 30, I'm broke, I'm lonely, and whatever you want to tell me, I don't want to hear it, because I am sure that it is going to piss me off!
I have a friend in her 20s. That was my first mistake. The other day, I listened to her optimistically talk about her life plans, which, you all should know by now, is very hard for me. Especially now that I know that life plans are a crock. Life has its own plans for you sweetheart, and if you are lucky, if the Gods shine their all-powerful light on your butt, their plans for you will include food and shelter. This is if you are lucky now. Ten minutes into the conversation I began to fantasize about clawing out her eyes. And not to hurt her. I honestly feel that extreme acts of violence are the only ways that these youngins are going to get it: life sucks.
Right now my face is contorted into a semi-permanent frown. The side of my right foot is tight. On the low end, my arch is falling or some other muscle in my foot is about to snap from habitually wearing cheap, unsupportive shoes. On the high end, I have diabetic foot pain and am about two months away from carrying my foot around in my purse. My throat is sore. On the low end, I have a cold. On the high end, I will soon have to have my vocal cords removed. Either way, I will have to be cool with it. The constant, nightmare-inducing stress of being over 30 has left me feeling strangely calm. A quick internet search has informed me that I am probably in shock. Can you believe it? The over 30 life has put me in shock!
On top of this, people keep asking me what I am going to do with my life, as if the very question isn't insulting, irritating, and pushing me to the edge. Apparently, it has become clear to those that love me that I am not moving at a pace they deem acceptable to achieve success. I would have to agree. The fatigue of applying to jobs I don't want makes me so sleepy that I often fall into comatic naps while searching LinkedIn for new employ.
And I just want to let all my social media friends know something. When I like your pics, I am liking them so that you know that I have seen them. If I had an option, I would dislike your engagement photos, sonograms, new home pics, and selfies. What can I say, I'm a Scrooge. Scrooge Mc30Something. You can also call me a hater. I will answer to either.
I'm over 30, I'm broke, I'm lonely, and whatever you want to tell me, I don't want to hear it, because I am sure that it is going to piss me off!
I have a friend in her 20s. That was my first mistake. The other day, I listened to her optimistically talk about her life plans, which, you all should know by now, is very hard for me. Especially now that I know that life plans are a crock. Life has its own plans for you sweetheart, and if you are lucky, if the Gods shine their all-powerful light on your butt, their plans for you will include food and shelter. This is if you are lucky now. Ten minutes into the conversation I began to fantasize about clawing out her eyes. And not to hurt her. I honestly feel that extreme acts of violence are the only ways that these youngins are going to get it: life sucks.
Right now my face is contorted into a semi-permanent frown. The side of my right foot is tight. On the low end, my arch is falling or some other muscle in my foot is about to snap from habitually wearing cheap, unsupportive shoes. On the high end, I have diabetic foot pain and am about two months away from carrying my foot around in my purse. My throat is sore. On the low end, I have a cold. On the high end, I will soon have to have my vocal cords removed. Either way, I will have to be cool with it. The constant, nightmare-inducing stress of being over 30 has left me feeling strangely calm. A quick internet search has informed me that I am probably in shock. Can you believe it? The over 30 life has put me in shock!
On top of this, people keep asking me what I am going to do with my life, as if the very question isn't insulting, irritating, and pushing me to the edge. Apparently, it has become clear to those that love me that I am not moving at a pace they deem acceptable to achieve success. I would have to agree. The fatigue of applying to jobs I don't want makes me so sleepy that I often fall into comatic naps while searching LinkedIn for new employ.
And I just want to let all my social media friends know something. When I like your pics, I am liking them so that you know that I have seen them. If I had an option, I would dislike your engagement photos, sonograms, new home pics, and selfies. What can I say, I'm a Scrooge. Scrooge Mc30Something. You can also call me a hater. I will answer to either.
Wednesday, September 19, 2018
Financially Fatigued
Hello readers.
I write to you tonight as I hide under my comforter with my phone on silent. I am dodging a creditor.
My whole blogging career, I have been pretty open about my brokey brokeness, just so the young brokies, that should really be reading a Suze Orman book, would understand the struggle. The struggle that is, in fact, real. But, to be honest, the only thing the struggle is at this moment in time is real old.
My philosophy over the years has been honesty with creditors. They call, I answer, and we discuss payment options and dates and income and all the uncomfortable things that come with a creditor call. But it seems that after my last call with a creditor, which was no different than others, I became unable to take another one. I physically can not even force myself to reach for the phone and answer them. After a few missed calls and messages, I realized that it all came down to one thing: I just don't have the energy or the wherewithal to tell yet another creditor that I don't have money. I can't fix my mouth to do it. Seriously. I tried to do it yesterday and just ended up screaming.
At this point, I can't even believe that the creditors believe me when I tell them I'm penniless. Who stays broke for five years that doesn't have a serious problem? Now that I think about it, I guess you could consider my general attitude and terminal sadness a serious problem.
The unfortunate thing is that I know how this story ends. If I don't get it together and return these calls fast, my already struggling credit score will become jeopardized, which means I will not only have to dodge calls but also my Credit Carma alerts. Yes, my score will just go down and down and down until I will have nothing to look forward to but pre-paid phones and the roommate life over 40. Both things are enough to cause me to act urgently.
But tonight, I hide. If you want to reach me, send me a telegraph. I'm not taking calls, understandably.
I write to you tonight as I hide under my comforter with my phone on silent. I am dodging a creditor.
My whole blogging career, I have been pretty open about my brokey brokeness, just so the young brokies, that should really be reading a Suze Orman book, would understand the struggle. The struggle that is, in fact, real. But, to be honest, the only thing the struggle is at this moment in time is real old.
My philosophy over the years has been honesty with creditors. They call, I answer, and we discuss payment options and dates and income and all the uncomfortable things that come with a creditor call. But it seems that after my last call with a creditor, which was no different than others, I became unable to take another one. I physically can not even force myself to reach for the phone and answer them. After a few missed calls and messages, I realized that it all came down to one thing: I just don't have the energy or the wherewithal to tell yet another creditor that I don't have money. I can't fix my mouth to do it. Seriously. I tried to do it yesterday and just ended up screaming.
At this point, I can't even believe that the creditors believe me when I tell them I'm penniless. Who stays broke for five years that doesn't have a serious problem? Now that I think about it, I guess you could consider my general attitude and terminal sadness a serious problem.
The unfortunate thing is that I know how this story ends. If I don't get it together and return these calls fast, my already struggling credit score will become jeopardized, which means I will not only have to dodge calls but also my Credit Carma alerts. Yes, my score will just go down and down and down until I will have nothing to look forward to but pre-paid phones and the roommate life over 40. Both things are enough to cause me to act urgently.
But tonight, I hide. If you want to reach me, send me a telegraph. I'm not taking calls, understandably.
Tuesday, September 18, 2018
Create the Look: Letitia Wright x bareMinerals at The Emmy's
The Look:
Inspiration: Letitia's gorgeous gown featured great shine and texture which immediately inspired Celebrity Makeup Artist Tasha Brown to give Letitia peachy and bronze tones to keep her looking ethereal to match her dress. Tasha added soft, arched brows and golden eyeshadow with a natural skin finish, added glowing shimmery highlights on the cheekbones and eyelids.
How to Get the Look:
Skin
Tasha prepped Letitia’s skin by saturating her cleansed face with bareMinerals Complexion Rescue Defense to create a smooth moisturized canvas for makeup. She then applied bareMinerals Original Loose Powder Foundation with SPF 15 in shade Golden Dark with the bareMinerals Beautiful Finish Foundation Brush in a tapping motion through the center of Letitia’s face for light coverage, creating an even base for the rest of her makeup.
Cheeks
Tasha used a sheer layer of bareMinerals BarePRO Glow Highlighter in Fierce to highlight the tops of Letitia’s cheekbones, center of nose and chin for a bit of glow and dimension. To add a healthy flush of color, Tasha lightly dusted bareMinerals’s Gen Nude Powder Blush in That Peach Tho along the hairline, on temples and on cheeks with a large fluffy brush.
Eyes
Tasha applied the deep bronze tones of the bareMinerals Gen Nude Eyeshadow Palette in Neutral all over the eyelid to better complement the color of Leticia’s gown.
Lips
Tasha finished off the lips without a liner for a softer edge to the lips and applied bareMinerals Gen Nude Lip Lacquer Buttercream Lipgloss in Flirt for a soft nude peach with sheen to match the sheen of the gown.
Where to Find Them:
bareMinerals products are available at bareMinerals boutiques and bareMinerals.com. Also available at Sephora, Sephora inside JCPenny, ULTA, Macy’s, Dillards, fine spas and salons. Visit bareminerals.com for store locations.
#CleanBeauty #PowerofGood #bareMinerals
@bareMinerals
Late Post: Christian Siriano Nails by Kiss
For the debut of Christian Siriano's Spring/Summer 2019 Collection at NYFW, Lead Manicurist of KISS Products Inc. Gina Edwards created the "Twisted Zebra" nail look. The look was created by using the KISS imPRESS Press-On Manicure Medium Length Nails in Black.
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