Today my patience was ROYALLY tried.
I like to think of myself as a pretty calm person. You know from this blog that inside I am all over the place with my emotions. But when it comes to everyday life, I try to be cool, calm, and collected.
But today, oh today, my patience was so tested that I was speechless. And speechless on purpose. If I would have opened my mouth to talk, I was either going to cry or scream or start cursing or something. Yes, it was that type of patience tampering.
I have found that life has to be navigated with a little bit of tolerance and patience.
And this works for me, because I only have A LITTLE tolerance and patience. But I just feel like the world is trying to snatch my tiny bit of patience from me, and this is scary. I feel like that teaspoon of patience is the one thing keeping me from losing it! If it goes bye-bye, I will become that lady downtown that wears fatigues and yells at the air.
Hmmmm, yelling at the air. No bills. No responsibility. No cares. Just bein' crazy. I am sad I see the appeal in that.
Monday, July 29, 2013
At times, I am surprised at how oldish/female I am.
This is probably because I like to think of myself as a thug. A goon! A killer.
For instance, for the past hour I have just been racking my brain on how to better improve my two-strand twists.
I can't wait until I get paid so I can go to Target and SHOW OUT!
Right now, I have on my nightgown...and a pair of pearls.
I polish my toe nails to improve my mood.
You know, little things like that.
This is probably because I like to think of myself as a thug. A goon! A killer.
For instance, for the past hour I have just been racking my brain on how to better improve my two-strand twists.
I can't wait until I get paid so I can go to Target and SHOW OUT!
Right now, I have on my nightgown...and a pair of pearls.
I polish my toe nails to improve my mood.
You know, little things like that.
Silent Protest
There is a boy that I had a crush on in college that I stalk through all the social networks possible. He is younger than me, which makes this even more pathetic. Anyway, I found out through said networks that he now has a girlfriend. Ugh, she is a Whitley Gilbert if there ever was one. To protest this relationship (like my opinion matters) I have decided to stop liking his pictures on Instagram (not like he would notice). That will show him...NOT.
Twitter and the Obnoxious Successfuls
For me, Facebook has become a place where girls can post really nice pictures of themselves at the gym and wearing fresh Forever 21 outfits. It is also an open scrapbook for those in your face braggers who have just gotten married or have just had babies.
So if Facebook is a constant reminder that I don't have a Beyoncé body, a Jay-Z, or a Blue, Twitter is a reminder that I am broke.
I mean, I really must have missed the seminar on how to become a millionaire before 30, because professionals my age are just Tweeting away about how much money they have and how they are such successes.
Yes, I know that a lot of these people may be full of it, but it's still upsetting. I have decided that I can only go on Twitter now after noon because waking up to Tweets from a 22 year old bragging about a bonus check starts my day off on the wrong foot.
I think that I am a hard worker. I think that I am smart. I even think that I am cool. These are my opinions of myself, of course, when I am not girl depressed and wanting to die. And that's okay. I admit that there is improvement that has to be done to get me to where I want to be. But that doesn't mean I am elated to read about how this Atlanta socialite that I know, who is an IDIOT, just got a really good, high paying job.
It's silent out there. Am I the only hater in the room? I guess so.
So if Facebook is a constant reminder that I don't have a Beyoncé body, a Jay-Z, or a Blue, Twitter is a reminder that I am broke.
I mean, I really must have missed the seminar on how to become a millionaire before 30, because professionals my age are just Tweeting away about how much money they have and how they are such successes.
Yes, I know that a lot of these people may be full of it, but it's still upsetting. I have decided that I can only go on Twitter now after noon because waking up to Tweets from a 22 year old bragging about a bonus check starts my day off on the wrong foot.
I think that I am a hard worker. I think that I am smart. I even think that I am cool. These are my opinions of myself, of course, when I am not girl depressed and wanting to die. And that's okay. I admit that there is improvement that has to be done to get me to where I want to be. But that doesn't mean I am elated to read about how this Atlanta socialite that I know, who is an IDIOT, just got a really good, high paying job.
It's silent out there. Am I the only hater in the room? I guess so.
Not So Special Delivery
I got a tag on my door the other day that said that I missed the delivery man.
I waited by the door the next two days and no one came.
So I had to call the company and go through all that jazz to find it.
I was called this morning and the operator told me that the delivery man said he placed the package in my hands.
"Does he have dread locks?" I asked.
"Yes," she answered.
"OMG! I remember, he delivered them. I am so sorry," I told her. How this man placing a package in my hands slipped my mind I don't know. Then I said, "I can't believe that I forgot because I think that he is so fine!"
The operator goes, "It's fine! I'm just glad that we got this figured out. Because he said he gave them right to you. He said he put the packages directly to this large woman."
Whomp.
I'm assuming that the delivery man was referring to me as the large woman.
I fanaticize about ordering something else just so he can deliver them and I can answer the door naked and pull his hair.
How that will rectify things I don't know.
I waited by the door the next two days and no one came.
So I had to call the company and go through all that jazz to find it.
I was called this morning and the operator told me that the delivery man said he placed the package in my hands.
"Does he have dread locks?" I asked.
"Yes," she answered.
"OMG! I remember, he delivered them. I am so sorry," I told her. How this man placing a package in my hands slipped my mind I don't know. Then I said, "I can't believe that I forgot because I think that he is so fine!"
The operator goes, "It's fine! I'm just glad that we got this figured out. Because he said he gave them right to you. He said he put the packages directly to this large woman."
Whomp.
I'm assuming that the delivery man was referring to me as the large woman.
I fanaticize about ordering something else just so he can deliver them and I can answer the door naked and pull his hair.
How that will rectify things I don't know.
The To-Do List
I have decided to dedicate August to getting my life together.
I made a list of all the things I need to do to reach this goal, and I gotta say, it's a wee bit extensive.
But I am not going to get discouraged. If I pace myself, I may be able to get half way through the list by the end of the month.
If you only eat laxatives for 30 days, can you lose 200lbs?
Not that I'm thinking about it...just asking.
I made a list of all the things I need to do to reach this goal, and I gotta say, it's a wee bit extensive.
But I am not going to get discouraged. If I pace myself, I may be able to get half way through the list by the end of the month.
If you only eat laxatives for 30 days, can you lose 200lbs?
Not that I'm thinking about it...just asking.
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Life
My feeling towards my life at the moment is one of confusion.
I don't know what is going on and there is nothing going on.
I thought I was just being emo because I was on my period, but this may be me having an actual feeling.
There are moves to be made but I don't feel like moving.
#blah
I don't know what is going on and there is nothing going on.
I thought I was just being emo because I was on my period, but this may be me having an actual feeling.
There are moves to be made but I don't feel like moving.
#blah
Saturday, July 20, 2013
The Health Post
I have had an untreated cavity since 2004 that hurts on and off LIKE HELL!
I have high blood pressure.
I am overweight.
My boobs hurt so bad after my last period that I thought they were going to fall off.
I am way overdo a pap.
I am almost 30.
There. I needed to see it in writing. Next month, I am going to the doctor. Let me be clear: I CAN NOT AFFORD IT! But I must go. I am exhausted with the patch work I am doing on my body and I just want my bill of health. I am tired of speculating and Googling symptoms and praying for things to clear up, heal, and go away.
Don't get it twisted, I am not sick. But I don't want to be. I want to get on that track of keeping up with me physically, seeing that so many people that I know that were way more fit than me have fallen ill.
I say this as I eat Vanilla Wafers out of the box.
I go to the gym every week, but I feel that I probably only burn 50 calories wading in the pool on Sundays.
I found a cheap dentist on Amazon Local. I am pretty sure it is operated out of a basement, but what are you going to do?
They are going to poke and probe and take blood and tug and pull.
I'm grown, it has to be done.
Sigh, these wafers are delicious.
I have high blood pressure.
I am overweight.
My boobs hurt so bad after my last period that I thought they were going to fall off.
I am way overdo a pap.
I am almost 30.
There. I needed to see it in writing. Next month, I am going to the doctor. Let me be clear: I CAN NOT AFFORD IT! But I must go. I am exhausted with the patch work I am doing on my body and I just want my bill of health. I am tired of speculating and Googling symptoms and praying for things to clear up, heal, and go away.
Don't get it twisted, I am not sick. But I don't want to be. I want to get on that track of keeping up with me physically, seeing that so many people that I know that were way more fit than me have fallen ill.
I say this as I eat Vanilla Wafers out of the box.
I go to the gym every week, but I feel that I probably only burn 50 calories wading in the pool on Sundays.
I found a cheap dentist on Amazon Local. I am pretty sure it is operated out of a basement, but what are you going to do?
They are going to poke and probe and take blood and tug and pull.
I'm grown, it has to be done.
Sigh, these wafers are delicious.
Contact Resistance
When I was a kid, it was customary to wave or smile at people in passing. That was just the thing to do. I grew up in Atlanta, where I still reside, and that was considered "southern hospitality". When you asked people how they were doing, they actually told you. So being raised this way, I still smile and wave and people look at me like I have six heads. I mean, what's up?
Today I went to the Chinese food restaurant and ordered my dinner, the first thing I do when I have money to spare. As I waited for my food, I smiled at the other customers, did a little wave, and was met with no response. The woman beside me refused to look at me. I mean, refused. I purposely stared at her, nothing.
It is like people are literally afraid to have any type of contact with anyone. They are contact resistant, averting eyes and ignoring friendly waves. This is a sad thing to me. Casual kindness is what I felt separated the south from the north and west. Are we even human anymore when we refuse to connect with people without the aid of a cell phone? I think that this attitude is making the people in my community cold and impersonal. And yes, this is a bad thing.
My faith in humanity was renewed on Thursday when I met a young girl on the bus in a life guard uniform. She had just graduated high school and was working at White Water all summer until it was time for her to go in the marines. What a sweetheart this kid was! She told me all about her Afro-Cuban heritage and we compared our green toe colors. I was so happy to meet a southerner who was nice...until she told me she was from L.A. Los Angeles?! Sigh.
Do me a favor and wave to someone tomorrow with a smile. I promise, it will only take a sec and won't ruin your day. I may sound like an extra from Barney, but I promise, a little kindness goes a long way.
Today I went to the Chinese food restaurant and ordered my dinner, the first thing I do when I have money to spare. As I waited for my food, I smiled at the other customers, did a little wave, and was met with no response. The woman beside me refused to look at me. I mean, refused. I purposely stared at her, nothing.
It is like people are literally afraid to have any type of contact with anyone. They are contact resistant, averting eyes and ignoring friendly waves. This is a sad thing to me. Casual kindness is what I felt separated the south from the north and west. Are we even human anymore when we refuse to connect with people without the aid of a cell phone? I think that this attitude is making the people in my community cold and impersonal. And yes, this is a bad thing.
My faith in humanity was renewed on Thursday when I met a young girl on the bus in a life guard uniform. She had just graduated high school and was working at White Water all summer until it was time for her to go in the marines. What a sweetheart this kid was! She told me all about her Afro-Cuban heritage and we compared our green toe colors. I was so happy to meet a southerner who was nice...until she told me she was from L.A. Los Angeles?! Sigh.
Do me a favor and wave to someone tomorrow with a smile. I promise, it will only take a sec and won't ruin your day. I may sound like an extra from Barney, but I promise, a little kindness goes a long way.
Friday, July 19, 2013
The Crisis
A good friend of mine called me yesterday just to inform me of how much she can't stand her job. She is overqualified for the one she has and wants another one. She has applied everywhere. It has been 9 months. She has to live with a relative, she doesn't have a man, she is seeing a shrink, and she is over it.
I told her to talk to another gf of mine who is in her field and has experienced tons of success. She has, however, given up on men and gotten a pet.
This quarter life crisis thing is getting overwhelming. Even my friends that are doing well are emotional wrecks. I am almost 30. What if those ten years are a crisis? From their I will slide into my midlife crisis. Is that what they don't tell you: that you whole life is essentially a crisis? If so, that was something critical that they left out in grade school when they were telling us to just say no to drugs.
I told her to talk to another gf of mine who is in her field and has experienced tons of success. She has, however, given up on men and gotten a pet.
This quarter life crisis thing is getting overwhelming. Even my friends that are doing well are emotional wrecks. I am almost 30. What if those ten years are a crisis? From their I will slide into my midlife crisis. Is that what they don't tell you: that you whole life is essentially a crisis? If so, that was something critical that they left out in grade school when they were telling us to just say no to drugs.
Friend-Dumping: An Epidemic
My pool of platonic male friends has dwindled down to dust.
In college I was the homie, and had an ishful of platonics. But they all got married or got into serious relationships and felt the need to friend-dump me.
If you are not familiar with friend-dumping, good for you. That means that men in your life actually give a shit. It is pretty much when a guy friend drops you because he gets a girlfriend. This could be to make more time for the gf or because the gf doesn't like you or because they literally just forgot all about you when they met a woman they could actually have sex with. Ah, boys will be boys.
This has happened to me more times than I care to discuss. One of my guy friends who most recently dumped me is getting married. I found this out from a post on his fiancé's Facebook page, equipped with this GROSS pic of them kissing. I know what you are thinking: I sound like a hater. Maybe a little. When you used to be hella close to someone, you don't expect to begin hearing about momentous events in their life via social networking alerts.
The other night I talked to my little homie Baby Cakes. I call him this because he is five years younger than me. Any way, he was telling me he had friend dumped all his female friends because his gf is a wee bit insecure. He intends to marry her, as if that is not a red flag. I said nothing, I didn't want him to dump me too. Again, boys will be boys.
Friend-Dumping is worst than getting dumped by a boyfriend. You kind of can see a boyfriend dissing you if you try hard enough. But not a friend. That is against the friend rules!
There is no defense against a friend-dump; no logic. It just happens and it stings every time. Don't end up like me ladies. When your guy friend gets a lady, just go a head and dump him first so that you can move on with your life. Don't be a Holly.
In college I was the homie, and had an ishful of platonics. But they all got married or got into serious relationships and felt the need to friend-dump me.
If you are not familiar with friend-dumping, good for you. That means that men in your life actually give a shit. It is pretty much when a guy friend drops you because he gets a girlfriend. This could be to make more time for the gf or because the gf doesn't like you or because they literally just forgot all about you when they met a woman they could actually have sex with. Ah, boys will be boys.
This has happened to me more times than I care to discuss. One of my guy friends who most recently dumped me is getting married. I found this out from a post on his fiancé's Facebook page, equipped with this GROSS pic of them kissing. I know what you are thinking: I sound like a hater. Maybe a little. When you used to be hella close to someone, you don't expect to begin hearing about momentous events in their life via social networking alerts.
The other night I talked to my little homie Baby Cakes. I call him this because he is five years younger than me. Any way, he was telling me he had friend dumped all his female friends because his gf is a wee bit insecure. He intends to marry her, as if that is not a red flag. I said nothing, I didn't want him to dump me too. Again, boys will be boys.
Friend-Dumping is worst than getting dumped by a boyfriend. You kind of can see a boyfriend dissing you if you try hard enough. But not a friend. That is against the friend rules!
There is no defense against a friend-dump; no logic. It just happens and it stings every time. Don't end up like me ladies. When your guy friend gets a lady, just go a head and dump him first so that you can move on with your life. Don't be a Holly.
Summer Lovin'- Fail
I guess I am lucky. I declared at the beginning of the summer that this would be my summer of love. What a joke. I had been played twice not even two weeks after making that ridiculous comment, kicking myself out of the summer love game.
Now we are midway through the summer, and I am starting to get those adorable texts about love confusion and failing relationships. It's all over Twitter. It's in the subtexts of those 2 paragraph long Facebook posts. I don't know about you, but I am already stocking up on canned goods to begin celebrating my cold winter of lovelessness.
Lord, what fools these mortals be. I'm 28 and I have been looking for love since Kelly couldn't go to the prom because her dad lost his job and she had to return her dress and Zack kissed her. For those of you who are not even old enough to remember when Missy Elliot was fat, let's just say the Kelly-Zak kiss was a while ago.
Yet next summer, this post will be a distant memory and I will be putting a clip-on flower in my 'fro to symbolize my being available...still.
I'm just saving my energy. The end of the summer is always a busy time for me. I can usually be found in my bedroom, taking call after call from my love distressed friends, talking them down from the ledge.
I guess we all know what the real fear is: that every year more and more of my friends will be married and by the end of the summer three years from now I will just be talking myself down from the ledge because everyone else will be on their honeymoon.
HAPPY THOUGHTS!
Now we are midway through the summer, and I am starting to get those adorable texts about love confusion and failing relationships. It's all over Twitter. It's in the subtexts of those 2 paragraph long Facebook posts. I don't know about you, but I am already stocking up on canned goods to begin celebrating my cold winter of lovelessness.
Lord, what fools these mortals be. I'm 28 and I have been looking for love since Kelly couldn't go to the prom because her dad lost his job and she had to return her dress and Zack kissed her. For those of you who are not even old enough to remember when Missy Elliot was fat, let's just say the Kelly-Zak kiss was a while ago.
Yet next summer, this post will be a distant memory and I will be putting a clip-on flower in my 'fro to symbolize my being available...still.
I'm just saving my energy. The end of the summer is always a busy time for me. I can usually be found in my bedroom, taking call after call from my love distressed friends, talking them down from the ledge.
I guess we all know what the real fear is: that every year more and more of my friends will be married and by the end of the summer three years from now I will just be talking myself down from the ledge because everyone else will be on their honeymoon.
HAPPY THOUGHTS!
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Inside The Actors Studio with Jane Fonda
I can not stop watching the Jane Fonda Inside The Actor's Studio. She
discusses what it means to be a girl and I just keep playing it over and
over and over again. And to think I found this video on Youtube on
mistake.
Sunday, July 7, 2013
Holly: The Phoner
Tortilla sent me her iPhone 4 when she upgraded. I got it activated last week and it has not left my hand since. Never again will I roll my eyes at those rude ass people who look at their phones while they are having dinner with someone. Who can put this phone down? Not me! Ask me any questions about politics? I have Apps for Al Jazerra English, CNN, and The Huffington Post. I am turned up on public affairs! No more missing emails and texts either. This thing jingles for everything: emails, texts, random stuff. I am no longer 2000 and late! This must be what it feels like to be upgraded:)
Friday, July 5, 2013
Diggs Duke presents "Cause I Love You"
BlackandSexy.TV on Youtube has introduced me to all this cool, grown
music. This is my favorite.
Thought
I kind of hate myself a little, but I'm not going to over think it. I'm going to chuck it up to being a girl and keep moving.
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
I Shaved Off ALL My Hair
I am thinking about shaving my head, even though I know I would want
to die afterward. Funny, because my co-worker just sent me the link to this
video today. Any chance I could shave my head and look as good as this girl?
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