Down With The Dusty (Another Risky Business Story)

Risky Business got stood up for four dates in one weekend. You can't make this up. Her two Saturday dates stood her up and so did her Sunday dates. I mean, how is a woman supposed bounce back from something like that?!

I think the problem lies in the caliber of guy she talks to. They are all from this dating app known for securing hookups and the guys seem to be total flakes! A couple of them would not come to the restaurant until it was confirmed that sex would be guaranteed afterwards. The conservative community would blame feminism on the rise of male dustiness. I think that some guys are prone to dustiness and there is nothing that can be done short of round housing them in the face and kicking them out of the dating pool. By early Sunday morning she'd given up and decided to drown her sorrows in chicken wings. Who hasn't been there, am I right ladies??

My prayer for Risky and my other single friends is that they find love. But how can one make it to love when these guys can't even make it to confirmed dinner plans. I don't know. What I do know is it is only March. I'm positive that there is more dustiness on the horizon. 

Liar, Liar

The other morning was a very difficult one with my nephew. I am finding that getting him ready for school is playing out more like peace negotiations these days, but today he was really in rare form. Although he had new and clean shirts to wear to school, he tried to wear the shirt he wore the day before, knowing that was not okay. Then I told him to brush his teeth. He went in the bathroom then came back out, claiming he did it. I asked to smell his breath, then he tells me he didn't do it because he couldn't find his toothbrush. This is lie two or three if you count the stunt with his shirt. I gave him a new toothbrush and he comes back saying he brushed his teeth again. I ask to smell his breath. He then reveals he didn't brush because he can't find the toothpaste, lie two or three. 

I know that he is just a kid and that none of this seems like a big deal, but I am concerned with his need to lie about even the smallest, most unimportant things. If not handled now, I see this only getting worse with age until he inevitably hot wires my aunt's car! I remember these little white lie mischievous boys from when I was a kid. In middle age, the reports are not good. One of them is in jail. I'm mortified! 

He marched out the door to get on the school bus upset because I told him that if he keeps trying to skip brushing his teeth, I'm going to brush them for him. He turned his back to me to leave, and I got a glimpse of him at 17, flipping me off and saying something smart under his breath. It was bone chilling! You know, the consensus is that girls are easier to raise. Please! Whoever said that is a liar, liar pants on fire. 

The Customer Theory

Yesterday, I went out on a coffee date with a Black Republican. He has a lot of interesting views, many of which I don't share. However, he did discuss something with me that I think deserves some unpacking. I'm referring to it as "The Customer Theory". 

Let's call this man Coffee. Coffee said that, once upon a time, he was striking out with women. So, he researched what women want and took steps to become that. He refers to this process as "understanding the customer". He found that female customers didn't like lanky guys, so he gained weight. They liked professionally dressed men, so he changed his look. He basically changed himself to be what women want, now he has better lucky with ladies. He then challenged me, and women in general, to understand who their customer is and make changes. 

I think I have always understood this without giving it a name. The issue is that I felt that things my customers wanted I couldn't achieve. I couldn't be petite. I couldn't temper my opinions. So, I guess somewhere a long the line, I gave up on pleasing my customer because doing so was over my pay grade. How was I going to become Beyonce over my? Yet, at my big age, this something I'm willing to revisit. Maybe there are small things I can do to present myself as more of a contender. But I'm not dying my hair blonde or something. That would be stupid. 

The Case of the Declarers

Of late, I find that men that I refer to as Declarers have made themselves more present in my life. These are men that make some type of grand declaration, without provocation, then don't follow through. A great example of this are the two guys this week that proposed going on dates then didn't follow through. I was good with us getting to know each other by phone and had not applied any pressure to meet. They did that on their own then, for reasons unknown, dropped the mission. The actions of Declarer men really hurt my feelings. Then they annoyed me. Now I am realizing that single women of any age can just expect this type of liar- liar sassiness out of many of today's men. Not all, but many. 

My research has found that many Declarers also end up being Block Circlers. So, after they make their declaration then flunk, they go ghost then circle the block and come back when they feel you have forgotten their last fumble. At first, I thought I was missing something. I mean, what type of guys would be so icky? Declarer Block Circlers, that's who! 

P often says that women can't take accountability for anything. With that being said, I take accountability for their being something about me that keeps attracting these sad sacks; that makes them feel safe. So, I guess there is more self work on my end that needs to be done. In the meantime inbetween time, be safe out here ladies. 

Sex, Lies, and Video Calls

Guys, I don't know what to say about this late in life dating. Talking to these men, you don't know what to believe, and they are also openly and incredibly sexual to have just met you. Everything is rushed. They want to call you Monday then meet up on Tuesday. It's overwhelming and disappointing. This week, during an introductory video call, a gentleman "accidentally" flashed me his bro bits! I couldn't believe it, but one of my homegirls said that she had a video call where a dude tried to play off showing his whole behind. Men are literally showing their a$$es out here! What is left to do after you make this realization? I guess I just thought men from 35-50 would be different than the guys I met who were 18-30. I thought they'd be more gentlemanly and more mature. I think what they've done is acted up during their youth and now they have perfected their crazy! As I march on in the Find A Man parade, I am constantly reminded of how old-fashioned I am for this new age dating landscape. Maybe I am an old lady. Pardon me for thinking that during a get to know you call, a guy would keep his bits in the bag. 

Soft

The other night, Lisha, again, pointed out that I am not "soft" in my delivery and interaction with men. She has declared that she is in her "Soft Girl Era", and that men are attracted to softer women. Hm. This sounded familiar, and I began to have flashbacks of my grandma begging me to wear more dresses and stop being so loud. I know that no situation is black and white, but I sadly tend to operate in extremes. When I think of myself being softer, I imagine myself wearing rags, cooking over an open-fire stove, while whispering to passersby that I detest my right to vote. 

Lisha then began to coach me on talking to guys. I need to ask more intriguing questions because guys like feeling like they are telling you something. She said a bunch of other stuff that very well may have been the key to the game, but after a while, she started to sound like Charlie Brown's mom. It seems like being softer just means playing dumb so that he can feel like a big, smart stud muffin. In return for inflating his ego he'll treat you like a lady. I could be wrong here, but I don't think so. 

I have never, ever been good at playing dumb. I find it's best to let a guy know I'm smarter than him right from the jump. I tried the clueless routine once, but it came to a screeching halt the day I could no longer listen to said guy's flagrant incorrectness. 

"That's not true," I said as sweetly as I could. 

"What?" he asked confused. 

"There is actually a huge difference between womanist and feminist thought," I chirped politely. What ensued was a very unfortunate exchanged which nipped us in the bud fast. It was then that I learned how rough being soft can be. 

So I won't be making that mistake again, even though Lisha claims the results could be life changing. What is the point of dating if you have to be someone else? 

What?

I was chatting with a man on the fatty app and he told me that he is looking for a woman who would be okay with never seeing him because he works a lot and is trying super hard to get rich🫤 Who would be okay with that?! It has become more socially acceptable to say how you really feel, but it feels like people are doing this despite how looney they sound. I mean, is no one listening to their inner voices anymore before they speak?? As I have gotten older, my ear has gotten sharper, and of late I have been hearing a lot of open delusions, contradictions, tall tales, misrepresentations, misunderstandings, miseducations, and falsehoods. They all sound loco and they are leaving me in a constant state of bewilderment and confusion. Does anyone know what they are talking about?? I cannot go a full day without hearing some eye-crossing gibberish. I am a naturally talkative person, but the state of things has caused me to silence myself and really listen. What I have concluded is that there is a lot of talking but next to no thinking on even the simplest of matters. I'd say this is a new normal, but I don't think that's the case. I think it has only gotten worse and we will continue to speed towards a decline until we are only communicating in animal grunts. I don't know. Maybe that will be better.