This morning has already started out in the dumpster.
I woke up early and watched an episode of The Twilight Zone. It was the episode where the earth is hella hot and everyone is going nuts, only for the main character to wake up to find that the earth is hella cold and freezing over. It is one of my favorite episodes; however, because of the snow nightmare happening in Texas, it began to feel a bit too real and was giving me anxiety. So I turned it off and began to do some deep breathing exercises that my OG Ms. Robyn taught me, only to be snapped out of my second breath by the sound of my aunt running around the house in a COMPLETE frenzy.
She was running late for work. She has one of those jobs where if you are even a second late for you can be beaten to death in the town square. Watching her run around the house, my heart was beating a mile a minute. It was only 6am.
Once my aunt got settled, the anxiety fest was just beginning. I had to fill out the tax paperwork for my new job. I screamed in my head the whole way through, trying to figure out what I was doing. I am NO GOOD at numbers. No Good. No. Good. Thinking about filling out that paperwork had been haunting me for days. On Friday, my boss told me that if I didn't fill it out, I wasn't going to get paid. So, as I have done a million times before, I just screamed my way through it. Once I submitted it, I was able to relax for a full 20 seconds before realizing that I should probably call the IRS.
Let me tell you, I have made a lot of scary calls in my day. I have had to call FAFSA. I have had to call utility companies to set up payment arrangements. I had to call friends and have long, hard, crying conversations- the ones where you apologize over and over again while choking on your own snot. But calling the IRS hits different as the kids say. I would compare it to calling the doctor to see if you are pregnant or have cancer. You really have no expectation that the call is going to be pleasant.
The last time I called, the agent was a lady who sounded like Rosie Perez. Today I talked to a male agent that sounded like the grim reaper. Even as he gave me optimistic news, I felt like I was going to throw up. There's something about hearing the words paycheck garnishment that does not sit well with you in the morning. The call ended on a high note. All issues were resolved. But the mere fact that I had to call left me sitting with a week's worth of trauma.
Man, trying to sleep with anxiety is one thing, but nearly waking up to it is a complete other. If you have never experienced this, I hope you don't. Ever.
It is now 8:27am. There is still time to turn this trash heap of a day around. I hope your day is amazing. Let's talk soon.
