Going to the bathroom is the bane of my existence. I hate that I always have to go when I'm doing something. I hate that my blood pressure meds have me going 6000 times a day. I hate going in the middle of the night. And can anyone think of anything riskier than having to go in public? You never know what you are going to get. I got so tired of carrying around just-in-case disinfectant materials that I made a life rule: no pottying outside the house. Not even when I visit someone's house. I hate to be a tinkle snob, but not even my friends have bathrooms that meet my expectations.
Lately, I have been asking myself a very serious question: is there really shame in turning to diapers at 39? I have to admit that I am seduced by the idea of all I could get done if I could go from a thousand bathroom breaks to just a couple of pamper changes. I had an elderly substitute teacher in high school, Ms. Rudie, who wore a diaper. I know this because you could see it through her khakis. It made her look like she had a BBL. On top of this, her diaper would crinkle when she walked. And we all would laugh about it. Looking back, I bet her life was incredibly effective. She would put her dipe-dipe on in the morning, teach all day, and not even have to think about to worry about a toilet until the evening. Talk about saving time!
It was brought to my attention that a handsome, single, well-built man may not want to date a woman who openly and proudly wears an elder Huggy. I get it. But at the same time, I have to ask myself, So what? It's not like the odds are in my favor in this anyway. I have been unlucky in love since Kindergarten when the little boy I was crushing on walked over and kicked over my Lego house. Anyway, Katt Williams told us the scoop: dudes are out here wearing man units! Do men really have the right to judge women anymore? I'm going to go on ahead and say no.
Honestly, I think that the one thing that keeps me from going all Always Discreet is the price. Buying the supplies for the month would seriously eat into my snack budget, which I think that we all can agree is a non-negotiable. It would be cheaper to pee my pants every day and take a luxury limo service to and from the laundromat. Yet, I am finding these mad dashes to the bathroom problematic. I will let yall know what I decide.
