Hell Week

I have wanted to reach out to Dreads so bad that I want to scream!

I'm not even sure what I would say if I called him and he answered, but I would really like to hear his voice. I would really like to hang out with him.

So basically, I feel stupid because I practically fell for a man that I only knew for three days. I feel dumb because I was so taken by kind words, irregardless of the fact that he was hitched.

A few days ago was the worst day of all. I Googled his wife and saw that she is like this adorable amazing lady. I had never felt so sorry for myself like ever in life, and I have done some dumb shit in 26 years.

I think that I am getting better though. I can listen to my Youtube playlists again. But at night especially, I feel really, really lonely and pathetic. I would sleep all day if I didn't have so much work to do.

P says that it gets better after a month or so. I hope he is right.

The Season for Love

The seasons are changing and everyone is on the love tip.
Typically, I like this time of year, but this time of around, I just want to hide under a rock.
Friends are planning for weddings. Friends are becoming couples. And everyone else is making that mad dash to find someone before the holidays.
Sigh.
I am not in the mood to hear about it or see it or smell it or care or whatever. I don't feel like working or having fun or anything. I just want to stay in my room and watch Roseanne on Netfix and overeat.
Double Sigh.

TLC - Ain't 2 Proud 2 Beg

No Cookouts

So I am sitting here feeling sorry for myself, but there was a small light at the end of the tunnel: tomorrow. I'm not sure what holiday it is, but it is one where the Post Office is closed and people cook out.
Well, apparently it is supposed to rain tomorrow, so NO ONE is cooking out. They all cooked out today. Tomorrow was going to be my big escape from my self-inflicted confinement! I was going to wear a summer dress and everything! My friend's mom feels sorry for me and may bring me a plate. Let's hope that goes through. Otherwise, it will just be another Netflix day.

How To Unsuccessfully Get Over A Dude You Knew For Three Days In Three Days

A week ago today I was rocking to The Pharcyde with Dreads the Man, so excited that I had met such a hottie, and three days later, his wife called me to call my little romance quits. Below are just a few pointers on how to unsuccessfully get over a dude, Holly style.

• Dwell on anything that gives you a memory of him, (i.e. music, conversations)


• Don't wash anything with his scent on it, even if what you are not washing is starting to make you itch (blankets, sheets, etc.)


• Sleep with your phone on your face to make sure that you feel the vibration in the event that he calls and/or texts late at night.


• Pray that he just drops by, even though that is HIGHLY unlikely


• Cry


• Feel stupid


• Resort to some type of cyber stalking (monitoring Twitter updates)


• Think of ways to reach out to him that will clearly reverse your healing when he doesn't reply (Facebook messages, Twitter direct messages, clapping pigeons to deliver messages)

These are just pointers mind you. They many not be as counterproductive for you as they are for me.

Jaco Pastorius "Portrait Of Tracy"

I can not listen to this song without crying. Sigh.

Dreads-The Aftermath

So, I am not at liberty to tell you the whole Dreads story because, as with every story I have concerning me and a man, it ended in heartbreak and humiliation. And you may be thinking, "How much heartbreak and humiliation can accumulate in less than a week?!" And to that fair question I would say, "You would be surprised."
On Sunday at a concert, I met the most amazing man with dreads. And it turns out, he was even more amazing than I thought originally. He liked Quentin Tarantino movies. He played every instrument in the band. He was 34 but felt like he was 17- his energy was that fresh. He got kicked out of the FamU band for hazing. His locks smelled really good. He was hella cute. Sigh. I could go on and on.
I guess all any of us need to know is that we are no longer talking. This guy was in and out of my life so fast ya'll I thought I dreamed him! If he hadn't written his name in the dust on my mirror, I would have really thought he was a fantasy. Three days we are taking here. That is a short period, even for me. However, I felt like I knew this dude for like three years, that is how kinetic our energy was.
I keep replaying the last time we hung out together in my mind like over and over and over again to the point where I dream about it. We goofed around and slow danced to Rain by SWV. He taught me that that beat was sampled Jac Pastorius's "Portrait of Tracy". It was a dream night for me, which officially ended with a phone call from his wife.
Siiiiiigggggghhhhhh!
I don't know if it is possible for me to be any more unlucky in love. All I know is that I miss him like CRAZY! I want to see him and talk to him, but that would be disrespectful and isn't going to happen. I can't even listen to my playlists on Youtube because I share them with him and now they remind me of him! I want to be like, "On to the next!" But I think I will be on this one for a minute.