Self Irritation

I am going to be honest right not.
I have been chatting with P on the phone more than I care to admit.
No excuses or tall tales. I just like him. He's my buddy.
I think.
I'm about 98% sure, but as you see, there is room for error.
I want to be more than his friend, as usual, and since I was jilted by my winter beaus, P is again on the brain.
Last night we talked and he irritated me, as usual. And speaking to him, it is SO easy to be irritated, seeing that since I like him, everything he says goes straight to heart. And I feel like he knows this, which frequently makes me wonder if he is being intentionally mean.
He says no, I'm not sold.
Amber said I shouldn't be his friend anymore- stop talking to him because it is best for me and my growth.
I don't want to. Subconsciously, I want to be there when he becomes the AMAZING man he is capable of being and when he snaps out of his stupid and sees that I am the girl for him.
I'm kidding myself.
I'm irritated with myself for going here again and feeling myself coming here again and not stopping myself.
Last night I think he may have reminded me that he doesn't like me like 10 times, and each time I felt a foot smaller.
He makes me dislike myself, but I can't imagine not talking to him because I like him so much and I like our friendship.
I have woken up with a dislike for me hangover.
Sigh. So irritated with me.