When I was in school this dude named Kevin told me that every year he made sure to get himself a "winter woman." This is basically a fat girl for the winter to keep him warm. This works, according to Kevin's theory, because fat chicks make BAD summer gfs. They don't like the heat. Can't fit on roller coasters. They hate walking. But they are great cuddle buddies for the winter. I didn't like him after he made that remark.
I say that to say this: I have had a small crush on the pizza delivery guy for about a year. He is from New Orleans. We chat about the city as I sign my receipt. But he has been generally uninterested. I can't blame him. I look horrible whenever he comes.
Tonight, as I sign my receipt, he is pretty much dancing on my doorstep because it is freezing and he doesn't have a coat on.
"You need a coat to keep you warm," I say, handing him my receipt.
"Naw, I need a girl to keep me warm. You got a man?"
"Nope."
"Yeah you do."
"Nope."
"Well you should let me keep you warm."
"Right." Smiley confused face.
By the time I got upstairs, he had already texted me. You have to give the pizza people your number when you order, and he'd called me to let me know he was on the way, so I knew he had it.
"Anytime," he texts me. I roll my eyes, not interested in him anymore just like I lost interest in Kevin. I have desire to be some lonely dude's winter woman.
