I am going to be honest right not.
I have been chatting with P on the phone more than I care to admit.
No excuses or tall tales. I just like him. He's my buddy.
I think.
I'm about 98% sure, but as you see, there is room for error.
I want to be more than his friend, as usual, and since I was jilted by my winter beaus, P is again on the brain.
Last night we talked and he irritated me, as usual. And speaking to him, it is SO easy to be irritated, seeing that since I like him, everything he says goes straight to heart. And I feel like he knows this, which frequently makes me wonder if he is being intentionally mean.
He says no, I'm not sold.
Amber said I shouldn't be his friend anymore- stop talking to him because it is best for me and my growth.
I don't want to. Subconsciously, I want to be there when he becomes the AMAZING man he is capable of being and when he snaps out of his stupid and sees that I am the girl for him.
I'm kidding myself.
I'm irritated with myself for going here again and feeling myself coming here again and not stopping myself.
Last night I think he may have reminded me that he doesn't like me like 10 times, and each time I felt a foot smaller.
He makes me dislike myself, but I can't imagine not talking to him because I like him so much and I like our friendship.
I have woken up with a dislike for me hangover.
Sigh. So irritated with me.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
"Image Conscious"
Today, I had a little phone briefing with a woman that I work with. A very attractive woman at that. And we were talking about how I had gotten credentials to go to Miami Fashion Week. She asked me if I had ever been and I told her I hadn't, but I have been to Miami (LOVED IT!). I asked her if she had been and she said no, no to the show, not to the city, but she figured it would be like any other "full-scale fashion show." However, she told me to be careful because people in Miami are "image conscious." Image conscious? Image conscious? IMAGE CONSCIOUS! Say what?! I told her I didn't care, I went last year and was well received and she was like "Well..."
Grunt. GRUNT! If I worried about how image conscious people were in the world around me, I would just crawl in a hole and die. Die! I don't know a lot about a lot of stuff, but I do know that I have come to far in my career (transcribing and doing busy work at internships), and in my life and with my own self-esteem, to be hinted at in a pretty tone by a pretty lady that I am too fat or too ugly or too whatever and to be weary when working because people are image conscious!
I am fat. True dat. No denyin'. I am often the fattest person at the events that I go to. Whatever. And yes, I am totally aware and I am totally aware that those around me are aware, no biggy. I make contacts, and do what I need to do, fat in all!
Am I mad at my co-worker? Naw. People in Miami are image conscious. I am just irritated that she felt the need to warn me, as if I'm oblivious of my own size, and I am annoyed that she would think it mattered enough to me to be warned! As Lauren would say *Kanye Shrug*. Guess she just doesn't know me that well.
Grunt. GRUNT! If I worried about how image conscious people were in the world around me, I would just crawl in a hole and die. Die! I don't know a lot about a lot of stuff, but I do know that I have come to far in my career (transcribing and doing busy work at internships), and in my life and with my own self-esteem, to be hinted at in a pretty tone by a pretty lady that I am too fat or too ugly or too whatever and to be weary when working because people are image conscious!
I am fat. True dat. No denyin'. I am often the fattest person at the events that I go to. Whatever. And yes, I am totally aware and I am totally aware that those around me are aware, no biggy. I make contacts, and do what I need to do, fat in all!
Am I mad at my co-worker? Naw. People in Miami are image conscious. I am just irritated that she felt the need to warn me, as if I'm oblivious of my own size, and I am annoyed that she would think it mattered enough to me to be warned! As Lauren would say *Kanye Shrug*. Guess she just doesn't know me that well.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Friday, January 21, 2011
The Negris on the Moon
The negris on the moon/ she floated there on a balloon/ the real world was too confining/ so she went to space to keep in tune/and out there in the universe/ sipping a mojito with her "Gucci" purse/it is easier for her to be herself/ because life isn't so morbid and rehearsed/ The negris on the moon, fragrant lotion in case she peels/ fake eyelashes and knock off heels/ maybe all that time in outer space will reacquaint her with being real
New Chapters
JuJuBe is in Africa, Dorothy is doing her rotations in Hawaii, Haynes is engaged, and Gia Tortilla is moving back to New Orleans to enjoy parental free living for a second. Spring is on the way, and it looks like new chapters are coming to pass in everyone's life. Shockingly, I am not hatin' as hard as I usually do. I am just extra excited to see what my chapter has in store for me:) I believe this is what they refer to as growth.
Adventures at AT&T
I broke my phone charger like a klutz, and like an idiot, I ordered a charger online and it was not compatible with my phone. This lead to a much dreaded trip to the AT&T store.
Interior-Day: Holly sits on the AT&T waiting bench next to an old woman that is complaining about a phone that she is not sure is broken because she does not know how to use it. Holly is slightly aroused by how the only good looking and heterosexual male agent is remaining calm with this HIGHLY annoying old bag. Holly is a weee bit annoyed at how everyone who has come in after her is getting seen first, particularly a very bottom heavy woman in leggings who is NOT succeeding in getting her wife beater to stay over her hips.
Enter stage left: A tall, buff, light-skinned brotha that looks like he has been taking his aerobics classes in prison. He looks over iPhone cozies before heading to the hippy lady, apparently his girlfriend, to rush her. He is going on and on about how he wants to go work out and she is taking too long. (It is later revealed that the delay has come because AT&T was alerted that hippy lady's credit card was not hers, but had earlier been reported stolen).
Finally, cute gay guy in pink button down asks Holly why she has been waiting so long and immediately exchanges her charger. It does not take as long as it should have because he did not feel like calling customer service. Holly can only laugh at his activator and "Chanel" earrings- those earrings with the back to back Cs.
Exterior-Day: Holly leaves AT&T store, annoyed that she had to leave her house on a cold Friday, but happy her exchange was not as exhausting as it could have been.
Interior-Day: Holly sits on the AT&T waiting bench next to an old woman that is complaining about a phone that she is not sure is broken because she does not know how to use it. Holly is slightly aroused by how the only good looking and heterosexual male agent is remaining calm with this HIGHLY annoying old bag. Holly is a weee bit annoyed at how everyone who has come in after her is getting seen first, particularly a very bottom heavy woman in leggings who is NOT succeeding in getting her wife beater to stay over her hips.
Enter stage left: A tall, buff, light-skinned brotha that looks like he has been taking his aerobics classes in prison. He looks over iPhone cozies before heading to the hippy lady, apparently his girlfriend, to rush her. He is going on and on about how he wants to go work out and she is taking too long. (It is later revealed that the delay has come because AT&T was alerted that hippy lady's credit card was not hers, but had earlier been reported stolen).
Finally, cute gay guy in pink button down asks Holly why she has been waiting so long and immediately exchanges her charger. It does not take as long as it should have because he did not feel like calling customer service. Holly can only laugh at his activator and "Chanel" earrings- those earrings with the back to back Cs.
Exterior-Day: Holly leaves AT&T store, annoyed that she had to leave her house on a cold Friday, but happy her exchange was not as exhausting as it could have been.
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