The Terrible 29s 7: Destitution Discomfort

Yesterday was a tramatic day. 

I had an allergic reaction to my lunch which was horrifying! I'd never had one before, and I found myself with burning lips, scratching at my neck. 

Luckily, one of my friends was able to bring me some medicine or I would have had to go to the ER. My uninsured friends know how hellacious that is. Naturally, I invited her upstairs to my room to hang out and she was like, "It's hot in here!" And I explained to her that I NEVER turn on my air conditioning, relying solely on Dollar Store box fans. The last time I turned on my air for an hour I was charged like $300. And then she gave me a look. 

I'd made that look only once before myself when a man I was dating told me he didn't think that Storm was worthy of being an X-Man. It's a look of confusion, shock, and awe. What really hurt me was the hint of disgust in her face which read, "Bitch, what are you a peasant?! How broke are you really?! I could never live like this!"

I have reached a new level of broke: the stage where you are snubbed by life long friends! I am so broke I am actually making folks uncomfortable!

She stayed in my room all of five minutes and then ran out of here so fast there were sparks flying off her custom edition Nikes. It was like she was afraid that the humbleness of my apartment was going to grab her by the ankles and pull her through the carpet into a lower income bracket. 

I would tell her she hurt me, but why? It is hot in my apartment and I do wish I could turn on my air. It is what it is. #brokegirlproblems

The Terrible 29s 6: Savage Life

All this paper chasin' really has turned me to a savage.
Once upon a time, when I had a sad but livable income, I had hobbies. I liked to watch Netflix, shop online, and sleep.
There is no time to sleep now. When you are broke with bills and a broken NEW computer, trying to pave your way in life, there is no time for anything else but consistently looking for and carving out the next opportunity. And may I just say...IT IS EXHAUSTING and HARD.
I used to laugh a lot, but I really don't think anything can be funny again until I have become a complete success. I even forgot to volunteer last Saturday which hurts me deeply. I have been volunteering for the past 5 years every other Saturday with the same organization!
I'm getting forgetful, but until I can comfortably call myself a successful business woman/owner, I feel like everything but numbers and business plans is erased from my mind without permission.
Sigh, #savagelife #brokegirlsbelike #Imahustlaskaboutme

The Terrible 29s 5: Can You Pay My Bills?

Once upon a time, I was a college student, working towards my degree so that I could be an independent woman because BEYONCE told me I should be. How I looked down on those girls who treated college like one big date night. Fast forward 8 years and I fall asleep with my power bill stuck to my face. Who knew tears could be an adhesive?  I AM SO BROKE? WHY AM I SO BROKE?!

Today, most of those date girls are married with kids, enjoying the spoils of being a stay at home mom. Meanwhile, I just bought a roll of toilet paper with pennies from the bottom of my purse. How could I have been so stupid, questioning the formula that had worked throughout the ages, just so I could say I was independent? My mouth waters thinking of how I could have an all-expense paid life- a life free of coupons and leftovers. I have tried taking care of myself and I am woman enough to admit that I have failed. I am now ready for a man that has been socialized to take care of a woman to come in and clean up this mess! From my mouth to God’s ears.

In the meanwhile, how much do you think I can get for pawning my degree?  
                                        

The Terrible 29s 4: Age Realization

Question: Why am I 29 wishing I was young again? I mean, I am still young right, technically? True, a female 29 is a male 66, I get it. But my God! My back cracks when I inhale! I get winded getting up in the middle of the night to pee!

I have a friend that teaches middle school full-time then is a part-time fitness instructor at a gym. On Instagram, you can find pictures of her instructing a class on how to run in place and do back bends. She is only two years younger than me. Where is she getting this energy from?! Running in place? Would you think less of me if I told you that I get from point A to point B in my apartment by rolling on my stomach?

Don’t even say it. I can hear you thinking that I should improve my diet and exercise. And I see all of you on social networking with your firm buns and tight Yoga pants, blending smoothies and using words like “glutes” and “’toids.” I work from home and don’t have time for this! Pardon me if I am 29 with little to no energy, but crying over your check book and dodging calls from creditors takes a lot out of you. How many calories do your burn running from Sally Mae?

I haven’t been the healthiest person up until now, I will admit it. But I worry because they say you are as old as you feel and I feel like Cicely Tyson looks. I used to be so fun! Okay, I have always been a little square, but I used to dance and laugh, what happened? More dues I had to pay the age police I guess. Sigh.

The Terrible 29s 2: Emotions Make You Cry Sometimes: The Symptoms of Almost 30

I have always been an emotional person. I cry a lot. But since I turned the big 2-9, I must say, I spend a large amount of my day in tears. So many bills and so little time. So much stress. So much extra! When I am not shoving cookies down my throat I am whaling but I must say, I have gotten good at doing them both at the same time.

Question: Is this what being an adult is? As a child, I envisioned adulthood as hanging at the mall for as long as I wanted with my super pretty friends. Now I see it is more like trying not to curse while making a payment plan with AT&T. I am almost 30 and nowhere near where I thought that I would be. Nowhere near. Where is my house and my luxury vehicle and my super long hair and my marriage to Marlin Wayans (don’t judge me)?

It has been suggested to me that I should go to a shrink but there is no need: I know why I am crying. There is so much that I really want to do in life and for some reason, I feel like I am running out of time! When I felt the clock starting I was in college, dancing on stage at my favorite night club. As I feel the speed increasing, I find myself on my bedroom floor, doing my taxes myself because I can’t afford to go to H&R Block.

I don’t want to be a kid again but I don’t want this. At what point do I get to exhale and buy a cocktail that won’t take my checking account into a spiral into the negative? 40? 50? Or is this feeling of deep panic, fear, and uneasiness the tight shoe that we have to get used to wearing as we glide into middle age? If someone could text me the answer while I am on hold with Chase that would be great.