Coffee Goes Cold

Coffee has decided to abstain. Apparently, being 50 and afraid that you have contracted Trich will do it. 

If you do not remember who Coffee is, he is the handsome Black Republican that I went on a coffee date with last spring. Upon getting to know him, getting to know all about him, I discovered that he had a harem of women that I nicknamed "The Honies" who he had wild sex with on a rolling basis. He was also on a Sugar Daddy site and admitted to once upon a time frequenting call girls. He told me that the call girl-frequenting life is dangerous. You could get robbed or beat up by a pimp, so he focused his scope on hot single mothers that were willing to do something strange for a little bit of change. I mean, this guy was pumping out CashApp payments to distressed mommies across the city, needing a helping hand after some wild nights. 

"You don't get it because you have support from your family," he had once told me. "But these ladies work two jobs and still need help with food and rent. The average woman in Atlanta only makes $20 an hour." So, as a 6-figure earner himself, what was $100 here and there to the moms from the threesomes? He was here to help!

I have to say, this lifestyle seemed extreme to me, an elder virgin who spends her days babysitting a 2-year-old, but it seemed to fit him like a glove until recently, when he had a couple of experiences. 

One of The Honies reached out to him for a donation to get surgery for her dog. 

"Sorry, I'm not tricking anymore," he told her. Apparently, today's economy has even made things tight for him, and he no longer desires to fork out money to chicks, especially if he is not sleeping with them. She got a major attitude and brought up some of their past acts together, which really pissed him off. 

"I had to remind her that I had given her almost $1000 this year already! I told her to block me," he said, annoyed. 

I understood why the exchange could help to lead him to a life of abstinence, but that wasn't even the cherry on top. The cherry on top was Cherry, an old friend he had recently been with that called him panicked because she thought she had Trich. She wasn't sure, but the doctor suspected it during the virtual visit and prescribed meds. Coffee sent her the money to pay for the meds, afraid he had given her the disease, only to go get checked out himself and not have it. The experience has soured him to the point that he has clocked out of sex, which is funny because, in the past, he has contracted more serious things, took the meds, and returned condomless back to the ring. 

Coffee seems so relieved to have given up his "Daddy" status. He reports a surplus of cash and a clear mind. Apparently, not being worried about payouts and positive test results will automatically take a lot off of your plate. 

"So, is this a forever thing?" I inquired. 

I could feel him shrug over the phone. "I will tell you like I tell the real estate agents who call my house, wanting to know if I am willing to sell. I'm good for now, but who knows what the case will be in six months?"

I guess we will have to see. 

The Sexless Love Interest

After writer's group, I had a long conversation with Ryan the crush. Truth be told, my crush was beginning to fade. A flame can only burn for so long when it is clear that the one you are ablaze for has absolutely no interest in you. I had to take a lesson from Aunty Maxine Waters and start to reclaim my time. There is no time wasted like time invested on a dude that doesn't return your feelings. We hadn't spoken in a while. But, after writer's group, we took a second to catch up. He got a new job. He's going to take a vacation to Miami before the summer is over. He also said that he is excited because that very day marked his tenth year of being abstinent.
Get the f*&k out of here! I wanted to scream. How could a man this hot and this smart and this old (he's 42) be walking around sexless?
Instantly, the crush rekindled at 1000%. It was a huge turn on to meet a man who, in this day and age, had some modicum of self control. I live in Atlanta, where, weekly, men make their rent rain in ones at one of the city's well-known strip joints. Dudes cheat. They have more than one girlfriend. Their lives seem to revolve around sex, indulging in their desires at every possible turn. And there I stood, next to a man, that made a serious decision, in his youth, to hold off on sex.
"I'm looking for love," he said honestly, nibbling on one of the homemade brownies brought to the group by Jabbering Janice, the one woman in group that can not stop talking.
Love me! I imagined myself screaming, jumping in his lap.
I told P about this when I got home. Of course, he had something rude to say about the whole thing.
"This guy is obviously gay," he said nonchalantly.
Ryan isn't gay. I like to believe that he is a sign sent to me from heavens that not every man is a fornication-obsessed dirt bag. Now, if I could only get him to sleep with me.
Lol...just kidding.

Good Night and the Pervese Mind

I have an extreme, deep, all-consuming desire to do someone.
It has always been there, but it has gotten worst since I created a very sexually charged Youtube playlist, entitled "Good Night," which was supposed to serve as a lullaby to cradle me to sleep. Unfortunately, after filling it with R. Kelly, H-town, and Jodeci tunes, the only thing it has succeeded in doing is further igniting my extreme, deep, all-consuming desire to do someone.
For the past three days I have been listening to it on autoplay, and instead of making me sleepy, it has become a soundtrack in my mind to my imaginary sex life. Just another day that I am kicking myself for drinking the abstinence Kool-Aid.

Cass and the Condom

My brother got into college! Not that I didn't think he would, I just can not believe that he is getting so old.
So I was making a list of things that I think he would need, you know like more underwear and a mini fridge when he jokingly suggested condoms.
Ugh, I had been thinking about that, seriously since he was like thirteen. Luckily my brother is an angel compared to the niggaz he grew up around and the ones I went to college with myself, so nothing had to be said until now.
I don't know! The whole thing makes me nervous. I was already disgusted by the fact that my younger, immature cousins were having sex, but the thought of my brother with some skanky college girl with a greasy weave and a fat booty makes me want to put my hand in a blender.
Why don't we teach the kids to be abstinent anymore? I mean, I know that it's impractical and I know that it's supposedly different for boys, but if he messes up, he'll end up eighteen with cornrolls working the night shift at WalMart and sleeping in his car before classes. If he gets a girl pregnant or gets an STD, I just don't think he is old enough to understand how quickly and horribly his life will change. All I think is on his mind is scenes from pornos and trashy love song lyrics.
As you well know, I do not and have not had sex, and even though it' gets irritating, I understand that my life is easier because of this decision and I wish my brother would make the same choice. OK, I know that that's wishful thinking. So next week, wearing all black and sunglasses, I guess I will go get him so condoms. Gross.