Last weekend I went out to lunch with my aunt and a woman we met recently, Pat. She is pretty nice, but I get the feeling she might be a super Christian. And no, I do not have a problem with Christians. I consider myself one, although I have been known to be a bit...half-baked at best. No, by super I mean extremist. I have the feeling she may be an avid Fox News watcher.
We actually had a pretty good lunch until I, being the nosebud that I am, asked her if she had kids. She said she had two. She asked me if I had any, and I said no. She asked me if I wanted any, and I said, no. This is all my fault. I should have learned by now that whatever the situation, whoever the person, always say you want kids to a person that already has them. It cuts down on a potentially uncomfortable conversation, and, somehow, it just seems rude not to.
Well, after I told her I did not want children, I saw that look on her face and immediately tried to take it back. So I fell back on my old reliable: "I don't want kids right now." She was not convinced. I simply sat back in my chair and waited on whatever whopper she was going to hit me with.
"I did not think that I wanted kids either," she told me honestly,"until God blessed me with two."
I let out a sigh of relief...but she was not done.
"But you see, God wants us to be fruitful and multiply. If you don't, you are just being selfish."
I looked at this woman, this petite, sweet woman, who has been "blessed" with two kids...and I had to fight the urge to laugh! Whatever! It was evident to me that this lady wouldn't have had kids herself if she had not have been "blessed." Give me a friggin break! Note to readers: married people, people with kids, they are always looking for people to join their fraternities of misery. Don't believe the hype people, don't believe the hype.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
The Sad Truth
A few nights ago I spoke to my friend Jamaica and she was all mixed up about this marriage thing. It seems that once you turn 24, the bitter marital world tries to push you over the broom, whether or not there is an eligible bachelor within miles of you or not.
Anyway, she was annoyed. Like me, she is a firm believer in love; however, she has become an adult, without her permission, and a combo of the outside pressures, a lack of fellas, and tightly knit career plan time crunch has her wondering if love is needed and/ or worth waiting on when corporate America is telling you that you have two years tops to make it and your gynecologist is telling you that you have ten years before the fruits of your womb are down syndrome candidates. Figure in time for a good old-fashioned courtship. Stressful right?
Then, just a few days ago, I talked to my guy pal P and he believes that men should be allowed to marry one than one woman. It's not sexual, he claims, because women outnumber men by huge numbers. The men would be doing us a favor see, giving as much of us women a taste of marriage as possible. Me being a feminist, this did not sit well with me. But P broke it down like this: I could happily let my husband have more than one baby mama or sit and pretend not to see him having sex with desperate women at clubs. He even went as far as calling me selfish for not being willing to share my mate.
The point of these two tales? How are we as people in our 20s supposed to be prepping to tie the knot when we are not even on the same page? Listening to my stressed out male and female friends I find that whether you are in the "no time to wait" school or the "bundle of wives" school or somewhere in between, I am noticing less and less talk about love; more and more about business and convenience. Is this what marriage has become, or was it always this way and we were just too busy watching Disney movies to notice? Either way, I think I will wait for the real thing...unless my gynecologist advices otherwise.
Anyway, she was annoyed. Like me, she is a firm believer in love; however, she has become an adult, without her permission, and a combo of the outside pressures, a lack of fellas, and tightly knit career plan time crunch has her wondering if love is needed and/ or worth waiting on when corporate America is telling you that you have two years tops to make it and your gynecologist is telling you that you have ten years before the fruits of your womb are down syndrome candidates. Figure in time for a good old-fashioned courtship. Stressful right?
Then, just a few days ago, I talked to my guy pal P and he believes that men should be allowed to marry one than one woman. It's not sexual, he claims, because women outnumber men by huge numbers. The men would be doing us a favor see, giving as much of us women a taste of marriage as possible. Me being a feminist, this did not sit well with me. But P broke it down like this: I could happily let my husband have more than one baby mama or sit and pretend not to see him having sex with desperate women at clubs. He even went as far as calling me selfish for not being willing to share my mate.
The point of these two tales? How are we as people in our 20s supposed to be prepping to tie the knot when we are not even on the same page? Listening to my stressed out male and female friends I find that whether you are in the "no time to wait" school or the "bundle of wives" school or somewhere in between, I am noticing less and less talk about love; more and more about business and convenience. Is this what marriage has become, or was it always this way and we were just too busy watching Disney movies to notice? Either way, I think I will wait for the real thing...unless my gynecologist advices otherwise.
Monday, January 11, 2010
The Age Old Question
"Can boys and girls just be friends?"
This was the question that my friend Slim posed to me not too long ago. This question was surprising to me because I was pretty sure that everyone knew that they can not be. I have not seen a boy platonically approach a girl (unless he was gay) since kindergarten. It just doesn't work!
I say this from experience. No, no relationships have formed out of my boy-girl clusterfucks, but I have wanted them to. Unlike my good friend Slim poses, I did not seek out to become the gal pal of numerous tall, dark, and handsome brothas, hoping that they would want to be more than friends. Because of an incurable disease I have, I become friends with a man, he tells me his life, he's nice to me, and I fall in love.
And yes, my Slimesque friends, I acknowledge that this is my problem and not the guys'.
I asked a few girl friends how they felt about the situation, and it was clear that they were all jaded. Most of them sited examples of some of their relationships with "friends" where there is no hanky-panky. This is, of course, a joke, because in many of the cases, the boys in question have told me that they want more.
I guess that there is no problem with keeping a crush on a boy bud a secret. Crushes can be refreshing, especially in the spring when there are rainbows and birds are singing. But you will eventually want to say something, especially if the boy in the duo gets a not-so-platonic friend.
Listen, this type of situation is the WORST. Watching a person you love love someone else is a quick and easy way to get a case of the broken hearts and sadly, it is unavoidable. It has happened more times to me than I would like to admit.
So what does the friendgirl do in these situations? Well, I have found it productive to cry, while others grit their teeth and nod at the endless new girlfriend stories.
This is so confusing ya'll, seeing that all my life I have been told by female elders to become friends with a man before I get involved with him. But then, if he doesn't like me back, I have essentially set myself up for the fall.
Well, maybe there is hope. After all, I had a HUGE crush on my friend Slim...well, before I heard him having sex with a girl, which slapped me down to reality. Hopefully, this is not the way that the "I want to be more than friends" cycle is broken. Don't think I have the soul to go through that again.
This was the question that my friend Slim posed to me not too long ago. This question was surprising to me because I was pretty sure that everyone knew that they can not be. I have not seen a boy platonically approach a girl (unless he was gay) since kindergarten. It just doesn't work!
I say this from experience. No, no relationships have formed out of my boy-girl clusterfucks, but I have wanted them to. Unlike my good friend Slim poses, I did not seek out to become the gal pal of numerous tall, dark, and handsome brothas, hoping that they would want to be more than friends. Because of an incurable disease I have, I become friends with a man, he tells me his life, he's nice to me, and I fall in love.
And yes, my Slimesque friends, I acknowledge that this is my problem and not the guys'.
I asked a few girl friends how they felt about the situation, and it was clear that they were all jaded. Most of them sited examples of some of their relationships with "friends" where there is no hanky-panky. This is, of course, a joke, because in many of the cases, the boys in question have told me that they want more.
I guess that there is no problem with keeping a crush on a boy bud a secret. Crushes can be refreshing, especially in the spring when there are rainbows and birds are singing. But you will eventually want to say something, especially if the boy in the duo gets a not-so-platonic friend.
Listen, this type of situation is the WORST. Watching a person you love love someone else is a quick and easy way to get a case of the broken hearts and sadly, it is unavoidable. It has happened more times to me than I would like to admit.
So what does the friendgirl do in these situations? Well, I have found it productive to cry, while others grit their teeth and nod at the endless new girlfriend stories.
This is so confusing ya'll, seeing that all my life I have been told by female elders to become friends with a man before I get involved with him. But then, if he doesn't like me back, I have essentially set myself up for the fall.
Well, maybe there is hope. After all, I had a HUGE crush on my friend Slim...well, before I heard him having sex with a girl, which slapped me down to reality. Hopefully, this is not the way that the "I want to be more than friends" cycle is broken. Don't think I have the soul to go through that again.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)