Scrooge Mc30Something

Don't nobody bring me no good news or bad news, I don't want to hear it.
I'm over 30, I'm broke, I'm lonely, and whatever you want to tell me, I don't want to hear it, because I am sure that it is going to piss me off!
I have a friend in her 20s. That was my first mistake. The other day, I listened to her optimistically talk about her life plans, which, you all should know by now, is very hard for me. Especially now that I know that life plans are a crock. Life has its own plans for you sweetheart, and if you are lucky, if the Gods shine their all-powerful light on your butt, their plans for you will include food and shelter. This is if you are lucky now. Ten minutes into the conversation I began to fantasize about clawing out her eyes. And not to hurt her. I honestly feel that extreme acts of violence are the only ways that these youngins are going to get it: life sucks.
Right now my face is contorted into a semi-permanent frown. The side of my right foot is tight. On the low end, my arch is falling or some other muscle in my foot is about to snap from habitually wearing cheap, unsupportive shoes. On the high end, I have diabetic foot pain and am about two months away from carrying my foot around in my purse. My throat is sore. On the low end, I have a cold. On the high end, I will soon have to have my vocal cords removed. Either way, I will have to be cool with it. The constant, nightmare-inducing stress of being over 30 has left me feeling strangely calm. A quick internet search has informed me that I am probably in shock. Can you believe it? The over 30 life has put me in shock!
On top of this, people keep asking me what I am going to do with my life, as if the very question isn't insulting, irritating, and pushing me to the edge. Apparently, it has become clear to those that love me that I am not moving at a pace they deem acceptable to achieve success. I would have to agree. The fatigue of applying to jobs I don't want makes me so sleepy that I often fall into comatic naps while searching LinkedIn for new employ.
And I just want to let all my social media friends know something. When I like your pics, I am liking them so that you know that I have seen them. If I had an option, I would dislike your engagement photos, sonograms, new home pics, and selfies. What can I say, I'm a Scrooge. Scrooge Mc30Something. You can also call me a hater. I will answer to either.