Don't nobody bring me no good news or bad news, I don't want to hear it.
I'm over 30, I'm broke, I'm lonely, and whatever you want to tell me, I don't want to hear it, because I am sure that it is going to piss me off!
I have a friend in her 20s. That was my first mistake. The other day, I listened to her optimistically talk about her life plans, which, you all should know by now, is very hard for me. Especially now that I know that life plans are a crock. Life has its own plans for you sweetheart, and if you are lucky, if the Gods shine their all-powerful light on your butt, their plans for you will include food and shelter. This is if you are lucky now. Ten minutes into the conversation I began to fantasize about clawing out her eyes. And not to hurt her. I honestly feel that extreme acts of violence are the only ways that these youngins are going to get it: life sucks.
Right now my face is contorted into a semi-permanent frown. The side of my right foot is tight. On the low end, my arch is falling or some other muscle in my foot is about to snap from habitually wearing cheap, unsupportive shoes. On the high end, I have diabetic foot pain and am about two months away from carrying my foot around in my purse. My throat is sore. On the low end, I have a cold. On the high end, I will soon have to have my vocal cords removed. Either way, I will have to be cool with it. The constant, nightmare-inducing stress of being over 30 has left me feeling strangely calm. A quick internet search has informed me that I am probably in shock. Can you believe it? The over 30 life has put me in shock!
On top of this, people keep asking me what I am going to do with my life, as if the very question isn't insulting, irritating, and pushing me to the edge. Apparently, it has become clear to those that love me that I am not moving at a pace they deem acceptable to achieve success. I would have to agree. The fatigue of applying to jobs I don't want makes me so sleepy that I often fall into comatic naps while searching LinkedIn for new employ.
And I just want to let all my social media friends know something. When I like your pics, I am liking them so that you know that I have seen them. If I had an option, I would dislike your engagement photos, sonograms, new home pics, and selfies. What can I say, I'm a Scrooge. Scrooge Mc30Something. You can also call me a hater. I will answer to either.
Showing posts with label 30. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 30. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 26, 2018
Sunday, December 3, 2017
30 something, single, with standards
There is this boy that likes my friend BLEEP. We will call him Dorkums. He has a good job and he is socially conscious. He is clean and funny and yes, a little dorky. He also isn't that hot. But he is a Black man who is employed and kind that still dates Black women. Too me, this makes him a prize! Yet, BLEEP isn't attracted to him. Plain and simple. I think that she should marry this guy, and I think that she thinks that I want her to lower her standards. I mean she's right, how can you date someone that you aren't attracted to? I don't think that she should lower her standards but she just turned 30. I think it is time for her, and many of us like her, to redefine attraction.
When I used to play in the pool at the gym with my elder shero Mama Mermaid, she would tell me cool stories about times past. She told me that she married the love of her life, but that she still got sick thinking of all the men that she and all her friends passed up because they were a little bald or a little weird. She was sure that many of them were good guys. Hot guys are a dime a dozen, but not good ones.
This is what I thought about while I was at homecoming. Honestly, many of the guys from my class still looked as hot as they did ten years ago to me. Sure, some of them are losing their hair, have man acne, or are a little thicker in the middle. Yet still, to some of my friends, they were no dealers just as they were when we were freshmen. This let me know that it's time for some of us sisters to accept some cold, hard facts.
For one, there is more to a guy than the way he looks or dresses. Dorkums looks like Baloo from Jungle Book and wears comic book tees. But he seems to have good sense. That's priceless.
Also, and I hate to say this, but it's true: as women get older, it is harder for them to find love. I think that this is common knowledge that many of us are choosing to ignore because we know that we are a catch. As women get older, they are considered dusty. As men get older, they are considered refined. And don't point out Tina Turner. She is not the rule, she is the exception to it. Someone told me that for women, the 30s are the prime of their lives. I suggest we utilize this time wisely because we don't have all the time in the world. After this, dudes will start dating girls in their 20s and 30s. We have to get it while the gettin' is good. For me, a biological clock is less about the time you have left to procreate and more about your shelf time. There is an expiration date.
I am sure that hurt you to read because it stung me to write it.
And hey, don't go thinking that I think I am any better than you. I once stopped talking to a perfectly normal guy because he said he wasn't a fan of Erykah Badu! But since then, someone told me the hard facts that I just shared with you. Take this information under advisement and at least give the Dorkums in your life a chance.
When I used to play in the pool at the gym with my elder shero Mama Mermaid, she would tell me cool stories about times past. She told me that she married the love of her life, but that she still got sick thinking of all the men that she and all her friends passed up because they were a little bald or a little weird. She was sure that many of them were good guys. Hot guys are a dime a dozen, but not good ones.
This is what I thought about while I was at homecoming. Honestly, many of the guys from my class still looked as hot as they did ten years ago to me. Sure, some of them are losing their hair, have man acne, or are a little thicker in the middle. Yet still, to some of my friends, they were no dealers just as they were when we were freshmen. This let me know that it's time for some of us sisters to accept some cold, hard facts.
For one, there is more to a guy than the way he looks or dresses. Dorkums looks like Baloo from Jungle Book and wears comic book tees. But he seems to have good sense. That's priceless.
Also, and I hate to say this, but it's true: as women get older, it is harder for them to find love. I think that this is common knowledge that many of us are choosing to ignore because we know that we are a catch. As women get older, they are considered dusty. As men get older, they are considered refined. And don't point out Tina Turner. She is not the rule, she is the exception to it. Someone told me that for women, the 30s are the prime of their lives. I suggest we utilize this time wisely because we don't have all the time in the world. After this, dudes will start dating girls in their 20s and 30s. We have to get it while the gettin' is good. For me, a biological clock is less about the time you have left to procreate and more about your shelf time. There is an expiration date.
I am sure that hurt you to read because it stung me to write it.
And hey, don't go thinking that I think I am any better than you. I once stopped talking to a perfectly normal guy because he said he wasn't a fan of Erykah Badu! But since then, someone told me the hard facts that I just shared with you. Take this information under advisement and at least give the Dorkums in your life a chance.
Monday, June 5, 2017
Go to Church Part 2- The Christian Dork
I was invited to a White Party to celebrate the 30th birthday of my friend Kyndra and her twin sister. I was excited to go! Although I don't look great in white, I love a good party, especially when I know for sure that there is going to be cake.
When I got to the venue with our mutual friend Sarina, I was surprised at the number of people out on the dance floor dancing clumsily while laughing and goofing around. I wasn't there long before it became obvious that I was in the company of dorks. And no, this is not a bad thing as one may think. I have always enjoyed the company of dorks. They like to have a good time and love to live like no one is watching...although everyone obviously is.
While dancing in my seat, a woman came over to me and introduced herself. She told me that her name was Marie, and asked me how I knew the twins.
"I only know one. I volunteer with Kyndra," I informed her.
"Oh cool! I go to church with them."
My heart skipped a beat. I looked past her at the dorks behind her, dancing in circles. I wasn't just in the company of dorks...I was in the company of Christian Dorks. YASSS!
If you are not sure what a Christian Dork is, you either have never been to church or you are one. They are just cool, dope, Christian people who like to act silly and are always happy and friendly. You see, I have experience with Christian Dorks. For a weird period in high school, I was one as a co-president of The Y Club.
Man, those were good times! I loved the retreats with Y-Club members from other schools where we went to Bible workshops and sang Christian songs while a cute dude with long hair jammed along on a guitar. Everyone was so nice and warm and welcoming and just apologetically dorky! At those retreats, I felt like I had found my people. I'm not sure what happened...
I had a good time, dancing and meeting Kyndra's church friends. While munching on cookies with the twins' names on them, I wondered if the fun, light-hearted, I'm not being judged feeling would be what I felt if I started going to church again. The very thought took me back to a period of time when I was 17 and actually happy; a pocket of time where my naysayer attitude had stepped to the side so I could enjoy life.
Marie invited me to their church and I just may go. She said they are Bible-focused and have a really good singles ministry. If I don't like it, I can just leave and pick up a husband on the way out.
When I got to the venue with our mutual friend Sarina, I was surprised at the number of people out on the dance floor dancing clumsily while laughing and goofing around. I wasn't there long before it became obvious that I was in the company of dorks. And no, this is not a bad thing as one may think. I have always enjoyed the company of dorks. They like to have a good time and love to live like no one is watching...although everyone obviously is.
While dancing in my seat, a woman came over to me and introduced herself. She told me that her name was Marie, and asked me how I knew the twins.
"I only know one. I volunteer with Kyndra," I informed her.
"Oh cool! I go to church with them."
My heart skipped a beat. I looked past her at the dorks behind her, dancing in circles. I wasn't just in the company of dorks...I was in the company of Christian Dorks. YASSS!
If you are not sure what a Christian Dork is, you either have never been to church or you are one. They are just cool, dope, Christian people who like to act silly and are always happy and friendly. You see, I have experience with Christian Dorks. For a weird period in high school, I was one as a co-president of The Y Club.
Man, those were good times! I loved the retreats with Y-Club members from other schools where we went to Bible workshops and sang Christian songs while a cute dude with long hair jammed along on a guitar. Everyone was so nice and warm and welcoming and just apologetically dorky! At those retreats, I felt like I had found my people. I'm not sure what happened...
I had a good time, dancing and meeting Kyndra's church friends. While munching on cookies with the twins' names on them, I wondered if the fun, light-hearted, I'm not being judged feeling would be what I felt if I started going to church again. The very thought took me back to a period of time when I was 17 and actually happy; a pocket of time where my naysayer attitude had stepped to the side so I could enjoy life.
Marie invited me to their church and I just may go. She said they are Bible-focused and have a really good singles ministry. If I don't like it, I can just leave and pick up a husband on the way out.
 |
| Me and Kyndra at her birthday White Party. |
Saturday, January 3, 2015
The Birthday Recap
I had elaborate fantasies about what my
30th birthday celebration. I imagined a huge hotel party where John Legend stopped in and did a tune on the piano. Naturally that did not happen.
30th birthday celebration. I imagined a huge hotel party where John Legend stopped in and did a tune on the piano. Naturally that did not happen.
But what did happen was a welcome surprise. The girls of the non-profit that I volunteer for got me cakes and roses. And yes, cakes, lol. I ate one with them on the Saturday before my birthday and the other one with my brothers.
All and all, it was a good day, even though I woke a up the next day to find my first gray hair. This is 30.
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