Not So Smart

Can we take a minute to talk about Black, scholarly, womanist, community-minded lesbians for a sec? I got to meet some last night because my friend KT invited me to visit her at her hotel. She was in town for a women's conference. She wanted to hang out and introduce me to her colleagues; the Black, scholarly, womanist, community-minded lesbians.
These women were where Black feminity went to get its best life! I'm talking bald heads, fades, afros, colorful lipsticks, huge earrings, Black history lapel pins, and dripping confidence.
And their conversations. YIKES! They were going in on gender and their cool professor jobs and balancing children (or not having children) and career.
"Where do you teach?" the one with the big afro puff in a beautiful wrap dress asked. This is a hot button question, seeing that I am a writer with no publisher and a publicist with no clients; a grownup with allowance money and a childlike desire to run and hide.
"I'm a publicist," I answered. What the hell. I have a website.
This answer triggered some type of conversation about how people identify on the sexual spectrum and I had no idea what this woman was talking about. I could tell that I was the only one that didn't. I felt so dumb. I have always considered myself to be pretty smart and in-the-know but look at my life: I'm broke and alone. Maybe I'm not so smart.
I decided to just listen and not say anything. I couldn't risk looking like I didn't know what I was talking about. I had tried to steer the conversation towards something I was comfortable with. I really wanted to address how poorly Trina Braxton is being styled on Sister Circle. Everything they dress her in makes her look 40lbs heavier than she is.
"Who is Trina Braxton?" the one with the short, blond natural asked.
I clutched my pearls. Who was Trina Braxton? But I guess I couldn't be too upset. I didn't know what gender binary meant.
"I can't believe you tried to talk about Trina Braxton with those women," my aunt remarked during a grocery store run. "Those women are at work when that show comes on. You are the only one at home watching that trash."
Ouch.
Isn't it funny how your insecurities just pop up and say hello at the oddest times? I am insecure about the fact that I don't have an advanced degree and had almost forgotten this fact until I had dinner with college professors and saw the difference between them and myself. It's actually something I would like to explore further but I can't. Wendy Williams is coming on.