2 Types of Girls

You should be proud of your girl! I am finally- after five years of irritation, loss, depression, obsession, anxiety, laziness, and tomfoolery- making moves to get my life together. And those life coach blogger Youtube ladies on Instagram are not kidding: making a change in your life is hard. It is taking a little bit of patience and a lot of Jesus, but I am in-cre-men-tally seeing some positive changes. Izzy thinks that my road to self-repair could end quicker if I just got a man. 

"Izzy," I tried to explain as calmly as I could, "I don't have  my own place, my dream job, or two pennies to rub together. When and if I get a man, I want to be an addition to his life, not a drain."

"I get it," she said, but she doesn't. "But I'm telling you, a man could help you with some of these things."

I sighed deeply. Sadly and unfortunately, I was going to have to have an uncomfortable conversation with my beautiful yet naive friend. 

"Izzy," I began, "you have been in some type of relationship consistently since I met you...when we were 18. And you have dated the type of men that will come through and help you in a crunch. But it's not like that with men in my life. They typically want to use me for something." And this is true. I am reminded of the guy who came over to my old apartment, acting as if he wanted to hang out, but he really just wanted to burn CDs on my computer. 

"But aren't all men users though in some way?" she asked. 

She wasn't making the conversation easy. So I just had to tell her the hard truth. There are two types of girls in this world: the ones who will always have a man swooping in to save the day and the kind that never will. 

Let me say that I am NOT being down on myself. I am finally at a place where I feel that I am super attractive and I understand my value. But you can not debate with me what I already know and have learned through experience. We could go back to high school. I remember when my friend Tray was holding the door open to the school for all the pretty, skinny girls as they got off the bus. Then he let it slam in my face. Working at fast food joints after school, the cuter girls were able to flirt their way into the work schedules they wanted while I was stuck working holidays. And by college, the "2 Types" theory became painfully obvious. I spent the whole four years paying for my own drinks and dragging my own groceries into the dorm. Aw, to be in my 20s again. 

I imagine that their would be some relief in some guy coming in and helping me. To be honest, I have secretly wanted that over the years so it wouldn't feel like I was taking every punch on my own. But I have to say, I am eager to see how well I get myself out of my hole. I am eager to see myself show up for myself. Some smiling lady on Twitter with a bunch of followers said that showing up for yourself builds confidence and we could all use some of that. If I can get out of this hole, I may just mess around and become the most confident woman on earth, even without a man on my side.