To Kiss Perchance To Dream

I am lonely. 

I know, this isn't a newsflash. It's just that now my loneliness seems to be creeping into my dreams, the one place where I got a break from being brutally aware that I am single and torpedoing towards middle age. 

As you know, yesterday was the Super Bowl, and I could not have cared less. Football has never been my thing, but I do think the cheerleaders are cool and I wanted to see Usher perform. Unfortunately, football had to be played first, so I dozed off listening to my brother hoot and holler at the TV while scarfing down some of his homecooked wings. During that brief half of an hour that I was asleep I had an interesting dream. 

I dreamed that I was at a high school football game with Hunter, a boy that used to date my best friend Joyce in middle school. He was a grown-up version of the 12-year-old him. He was tall and dark like I remember, and his gold-framed glasses gave him away immediately. My consciousness seemed to be crashing a conversation we had already been having in the dreamsphere. 

"Kiss me!" I begged him as we sat in the stands. "Please kiss me!" 

"No," he said, shaking his head in annoyance. 

"Okay, well can I kiss you?" I compromised. 

"No!" He was getting agitated because he was trying to watch the game. He had on a polo with the collar popped and some khakis. Man, I was so into him in middle school, even though he was dating Joyce. Even then, I had a thing for blerds, especially blerds that for some reason wanted to be thugs. 

Through my dream, I could feel that the desire to kiss him was incredibly strong. I sat next to him on the bleachers, just staring at his lips. 

"Stop being thirsty!" my old middle school friend Kayla shouted at me. Kayla would have totally said that to me in real life. And I knew she was right, but I kept staring at Hunter, hoping he would break and turn and French me. It didn't happen. I woke up in time for the half-time show. 

This is the most aggressive of a series of dreams that I have had like this over the past few months. Usually a man from man's past, like from college or something, pops up into one of my dreams. I am usually freaking out about life and they hug me or hold my hand. The one where dude held my hand, I'm not going to lie, I woke up crying. And I know that dreams aren't supposed to mean what they seem like they mean at face value, but this seems quite self-explanatory: I'M LONELY! 

Even with this being the case, a part of me believes that being single is better than being with someone. IG makes relationships seem like they suck. For now, I have to settle for begging for affection from someone I'm not with in my dreams.