Oooh La La Miami!

I was a little wary about traveling to Miami, primarily because of the city's reputation. All I ever heard about it was how hot the women there were, and I was not really in the mood to be the only chub surrounded by leggy Latin models. But I have to say, visiting the city was very freeing.
I mean yes, there were tons of hot ladies wondering around, but what struck me most was how comfy everyone was with their bodies. Sexy and not-so-sexy people alike walked the city street with no shame, flaunting their abs and bellies. People were over-tanned, under-toned, veiny, flabby, dimply, and very at ease. There was this "just do you" vibe in the air. People with saggy butts were walking around in thongs, and no one batted an eyelash. Amongst some of the most beautiful, and tacky, people in the world, I had never felt so relaxed!
For the first time in a long time I went to the beach and witnessed all walks of folks riding the waves. Men with hairy backs and low-riding guts, fit dudes in speedos, women with bright white freshly waxed bikini lines, little kids covered in sand. Sitting around the freaks and geeks my huge thighs didn't seem so huge.
I had never relaxed so hard. Even sleeping, I had a good time! I can not wait to visit again, next time with a motorbike and an English to Spanish dictionary.

Tamp Stamped

Good news: I will soon be going to Miami! Bad news: I may have to wear a tampon.
Yikes! The idea gives me cramps! When I was in middle school, I attempted to wear one and in short, it was a complete disaster. Since then, I have flat out refused to try it again. What can I say? The whole idea creeps me out. Shoving a cotton stick up your vag? Call me old school, but I just can't wrap my mind around it.
My friend Jamaica thinks that I should grow up. "You are going to Miami! Are you really not going to get in the water just because you are on your period when you could just put on the damn tampon?"
Sounds about right.
"The day you put on a tampon will change your life. You will be like, give me my period all day and all night. One thing though: make sure you put it on as far as it will go or you will be able to feel it in you and that feels horrible."
I wanted to throw my phone across the room! Feel it in me?! Gross!
Waddles had a different idea. "Just go to the next pack." Apparently, she forgot that I am not on birth control.
Oh why oh why Period Gods do I have to get my period on the same week I am going to Miami?Why? You know that I have wanted to go ever since Will Smith made a song about it! Plus, I got this old lady swimsuit that I wanted to try on the waves. I've done my feet (which I hardly ever do). I'm ready! But unfortunately, whether I am on the waves or sitting up in my room looking at them is ALL dependent on whether I bite the bullet and plug it in.
This requires more thought, but I think we all know what direction I am leaning in. I mean, walking along the beach can be just as fun as going in the water...right?