Ladylike

When I was a kid, even during my tomboy years, I would see older women who weren't all dolled up and wonder what happened to them. It wasn't that they presented as masculine, but more like gender neutral beings that gave up on makeup and any type of form-fitting frocks. They would tend to have on varying combinations of clothing that gave them the potato sack look. Many had even traded in stylish sneakers for colorless, drab foot coverings with no laces. I realize now that at some point these women had just given up. For some reason, keeping up appearances can register as just too much for some women as they age. 

All the way up until my grandma was diagnosed with dementia, she pressed her hair daily and wore pressed powder. She was in her '80s. I find it difficult to find the strength to paint my nails, which I always loved doing, and I just turned 40. Before Beyonce made it popular, my grandma used to tell me that being pretty hurt, referring to the figurative and literal pain of keeping yourself up as a woman. Now that I get the full scope, I have to applaud women who put in the effort because it is a lot. 

My closet is full of dresses. Pretty ones I used to love to put on and literally spin around in. Making sure I had a nice collection of summer dresses used to be my thang. Now I have to stop myself from Googling where I can get some potato sack gear. I don't want to lose my desire to be feminine, but I've been hearing the sound of men's sweat pants calling my name. I see married women with kids and jobs on social media who still put forth the effort. Amazing! I'd be rocking back and forth in a corner wearing a bedsheet. 

In an effort to keep it sexy I have decided that today I will put on chapstick. Maybe staying connected to my feminine self starts off with a series of baby steps. 

Mean Girls

My nephew is the coolest little dude I know. I am not just saying this because I love him. He is funny and creative. But I was just as perplexed as he was when he walked in my room moping because his friend in his kindergarten class, we will call her G1, called him ugly! My heart sank. He looked so sad, and I was furious. First of all, he is not ugly! Second of all, I was triggered. I had the same face all the way through high school when my peers would say something mean about me. He then said he didn't want to go to school because of it which really pissed me off! We all know the stats: if little Black boys don't develop a love for school early, they will probably drop out before finishing. I couldn't stand the thought of it! 

"You are not ugly," I assured him. He looked like he believed me about as much as I believed my grandma when she would tell me I wasn't ugly. He probably was thinking what I used to think which was, "If I am not ugly, why would they say I am?" I explained to him that some people say mean things and that he should not let what they say get to him because what they say isn't true. I could tell he wasn't buying it. 

Then, just yesterday morning, I put out his new outfit for him to wear to school that he was excited about. Yet, after he put his pants on, he was not happy. 

"I don't want to wear these," he complained. 

"Why not? They are new!"

"G2 made fun of my other pants," he said, shoulders slumped. 

All of a sudden, it was 1992 again, and I was sitting in class trying not to hear the kids laughing at the clothes that I had on and again, I was furious!

"No one is going to like my pants!" he whined. 

"It is not about if everyone else likes your clothes, it is about if you like your clothes," I told him, stuffing him into his coat to go to the bus stop. Wow. That one was one of my grandma's greatest hits. 

Then I thought about my mother. She was always encouraging me to be tough and stand up for myself, and I just wasn't. Eventually, as much as I loved school, I hated to go. Hated the way I looked. Hated being seen. And when that got overwhelming, I became just as mean as everyone else.

As dramatic as it may sound, bullying is a big reason why I didn't want kids. I didn't want to have a kid that would just be a punching bag for the other kids, or worse, be the kid that was doing the punching. Bullying was a HUGE part of my childhood that I didn't want my kid to experience to the point that I didn't want one at all. Now here is my 5-year-old nephew, learning about the sting of cruelty as we have raised him with love and kindness. It's not fair!

"Tell him, 'F$ck dem kids!" P suggested. As crazy as that would be for a child to say to another child, it was honestly what I was thinking and what I have gone back and told childhood me as she got roasted on the playground by obnoxious little a-holes. 

I think that I am going to call his teacher. This is something that neither my grandma nor mother would have done. But there has to be a middle ground between being too passive and being too harsh. For me, I feel like that is adult intervention. I'm not going to let the kids burn my nephew's self-esteem as they did mine so many years ago. 

REED x Kohl's Collection Now Available

The REED x Kohl's collection is an exciting array of handbags, dresses, tops, and bottoms that pair the sporty with the feminine, professional, and classy. Floral prints and color block patterns stand out in this chic collection. See some of my REED x Kohl's favorites below: 

Snapped: FFFW

If you got to attend Full Figured Fashion Week, I am so jealous! The 7th Annual Full Figured Fashion Week (FFFWeek®) recently wrapped up and it was a showcase of the latest in plus size fashion. It took place from June 14th through June 20th in NYC. The festivities included a Hawaiian luau, Curves at Sea White Cruise, featuring an Ashley Stewart runway show, musical performances by Queen of Gospel Energy Dawn Tallman, Impact Magazine's "Cocktails and Conversations with Gwen DeVoe", and the Celebrate My Size Expo, presented by FFFWeek® and PLUS.

Image Credit:  Rick Jones Photography

Jacqui Lupei's Kiyonna Summer Preview

Kiyonna is giving it to us for summer! The popular plus-size retailer has secured a huge fan base due to their arsenal of go-to, well-tailored pieces. However, this season, they are shaking it up, providing  customers with a fun array of florals, stripes, and colors inspired by summer and all the goodies that come with it. Jacqui Lupei, Head of Design and Product Development, outlined her favorite pieces for the season.

Haute Cold Shoulder Dress - "This faux wrap tropical print dress with a rich, black background has a side tie and flowing elbow length sleeves with sexy shoulder slits to keep it cool. This style will debut the week of 6/30."

Cabana Crossover Top- "A draped, crossover front layered tank in rayon spandex, this tank has adjustable neckline coverage and ruched sides. It comes in deep red and a vibrant navy. Perfect poolside glamour! Add a belt for a defined waist or a bold necklace for extra style! This style will debut the week of 6/16."

Passport Peplum Top - "This ponte top with the ever so flattering peplum skirt has a detachable bow for two different looks. The “featured color way” is a black based multi-colored stripe that is mitered at the center front to perfectly flatter the waist and create interest- a truly retro glam piece. This style will be available online the end of June/ early July."

Wanderlust Wrap Top – "A faux wrap top, this is the top version of the Haute Cold Shoulder Dress. We loved it so much we needed this in a top! It’s perfect for a summer cruise or party. It’s super fresh and on trend. This style will debut online the week of 7/21."

Dream Departure Top – "This is a super sexy but casual off the shoulder tunic in a soft and light weight tri blend knit that comes in a gorgeous minty sea foam green and sky blue. This versatile tunic has a gathered, banded bottom, side ruching and side tie for a fun and on trend detail. This late summer style will be available online the week of 8/11."



The Bag

I admire a woman that can thrift and/or wear vintage clothes. I would never look good in sequence or shoulder pads, but I recognize game. This brings me to my aunt. She has a closet full of old clothes that have gone vintage from her college days. I think there are a lot of gems in there, but she REFUSES to let me start her an Etsy store. I convinced her to unload this purse. Any takers? Hit me up at hjclaypr@gmail.com and let me know. There is some fashionista out there that can rock this bag. Sadly, I am not one of them.