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Saturday, November 10, 2018

No Room for Love

Tuesday night was one of those nights that just felt sexy in Atlanta. I looked super cute in a black dress and peach jacket and sat with my girls Keleche and Kaye at a chic downtown hotspot enjoying soul food and live music. But at the skeleton of the scene, which included laughs and cocktails, was the usual story: three single Black women trying to figure out why they are single.
"My guy friends have told me that I can't get a man because I go out too much," Kaye explained. Wow. In college, it seemed like guys liked girls who liked to go out. Now, having a social life is a minus?
"What are we supposed to do, sit here?" I demanded. At that moment, a 40-something-year-old single woman got up to dance to the music...alone.
Apparently, that is exactly what single women are expected to do: sit pretty and look available. Kaye said that her male friends told her that because she is such a social butterfly, it looks as if she doesn't have time for a man in her life.
Unfortunately, this is not the first time that I have heard this. My friend Amanda from church told her brother-in-law that she can't wait until she gets married one day and he was shocked. According to him, her life is so full, that she seems content and not looking for a man.
So now for the new equation for love: too busy=no interested.
Of course, I discussed this with P. He didn't disagree and had more to add.
"Black women are single because they don't want men to lead in the household," he began.
I turned my ears off. Finding out that I have to be a homebody and a pushover to get a man in the span of three days was overwhelming.
I choose to believe that no matter how often a woman goes out or what she is involved in that the right man won't care. I'm choosing to believe this, I have no idea if this is the case. I guess we will know the answer if we are in our 40s, dancing alone. 

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