Going Gay: A new energy plan

Because of our current oil crisis, many Americans are stocking up on eco-friendly light bulbs and cooling systems to help our environment. Others are taking the bus and recycling grocery bags. But my close girlfriends are a step ahead of the curve as usual: they are going gay instead of going green.
That's right everybody! Going gay saves a gal these days more energy than clean coal production.
Many of my friends who have just recently turned their backs on men can only talk about how happy they are. How fun it is. How differently it is living without a guy draining you by lathering you with his consistent lies and nonsense. No longer are they plagued with tear-stained pillows and suspicions that their beaus are cheating. Most of them don't know why they didn't think of switching teams earlier. They just no longer have the energy to deal with dudes.
I guess some people could view this as a major problem, especially here in Atlanta, where there are so many lezzies that my mother has commented that she thinks that there is something in the water. But I don't care. My generation shot sexuality lines to hell like ten years ago.
My theory stems from the claims of my newly turned friends. But I know from my OGs (Original Gays) that maintaining a same-sex relationship, as with any relationship worth keeping, is hard. Add on the disgusted looks from people when you go out on dates and the parental disapproval and its damn near impossible.
Either way, I think that we need to look at men today. What is going on with them that so many women rather date a woman than deal with a man? I can not stress how common this is becoming. My friend Cali left her fiance to be with a woman because she has gotten so fed up.
I guess as with other trends, I will sit back and watch how all this plays out. As for myself, I think I will just make like the rest of the US and try to run my home on solar energy.

One foot in the grave, one foot at the alter

Ever since I was a little kid I wanted to be like my Aunt V.
She was never married and has a fulfilling job in education. She can come and go when she pleases. She can spend what she wants, which includes sending her nieces and nephews Christmas checks. In her 50s, Aunt V is definitely Ne-Yo's independent woman. Somehow, the strict cookie cutter mold of what a woman should be from her generation, a housewife or a secretary until she married, gave my Aunt V room to be what she wanted. I wonder if she has noticed how society has gone back in time.
My last beauless friend Bells now has a boyfriend. Every other woman I know might as well be engaged. This would not scare me if I wasn't only 24 years-old! It's like my generation is playing this game of checkers, and I'm the only little round, black piece that has not been kinged. All I can see is all the other paired up pieces laughing at me from either side of the board.
I even have friends who are dating guys who are losers or who have girlfriends that are only messing around with them because they can. Beautiful, strong girls who dream of being doctors and lawyers, but wouldn't dream of being alone.
My good friend Haynes has even gone out of her way to try to set me up with some guy that she found someplace. Who knows. Does it even matter anymore? People these days find "love" on Craigslist.
This is sad to me, but you have to remember who I am. I played with Barbies minus a Ken. It was Barbie, Skipper, my Cabbage Patch and Glow Worm, having Sex and the City-esque lunches where they discussed their individual divorce settlements on our old living room coffee table.
Another thing that saddens me is that the world has made a scary decision for its occupants with vaginas: you are either an Aunt V. or the 40-year-old woman at the teeny bopper club with the hair weave down to her ankles who thinks she looks good for her age.
I think I will stay on the Aunt V. side.

Happy New Year! My 2009 Resolutions!

As I sit in my room eating black-eyed peas and greens on this January 1, 2009, I think of the ridiculous 2008 that I have had, and some key resolutions that will keep me from making the same ridiculous mistakes.

5. DON'T TAKE STUPID PEOPLE SERIOUSLY.
Man, so many jerks got under my skin last year. This will not be happening in '09.

4. DO WHAT I WANT TO DO
There was a lot that I wanted to get accomplished last year that I didn't because I let someone tell me it was a bad idea. Now I regret not doing these things, and of course, no one is standing up for telling me to follow my dreams. Not this year.

3. STAY COOL WITH BEING COOL
Everyone this year seemed to have an opinion on what I should be. How I should be. How much different it would be if I could be different. I don't know why I listened. Check my swag. I'm a cool girl.

2. DON'T TAKE SKINNY PEOPLE'S ADVICE
I love my friends, but the crazy advice they gave me, I see now, only applies to the fantasy world that is their skinny lives. I know what's right for me. How about I listen to me this time around.

1. DON'T FALL FOR GUYS WITH BABY MAMAS THEY PLAN TO MARRY, GIRLFRIENDS THAT AREN'T EVEN AS CUTE AS YOU OR GIRLFRIENDS THAT PREVENT THEM FROM PAYING ME 110% OF THEIR ATTENTION.
This year, I just can not go for the guy that can not go for me. It's a waste of time. It's irritating. It's pointless, and in the end leaves me sad, frustrated and lonely. This go around, I am looking for a guy who needs a girlfriend, and not just a girl who is a friend to confide in when their girlfriend pisses them off. This year, I need a man all of my own... who does not have any needy female friends like me.

Well, let's hope that these things 5 points can at least hold me over until February when I will no doubt start repeating my old mistakes again. :)