I must sleep! It's the only break I get from my obsessive neurotic thoughts!

Emo Uh Oh

I am having a particularly trying emotional day.
I feel panicked.
I am lonely.
I am tired.
And I don't know whether to scream or to cry.
I want a hug.
I want someone to talk to.
I think I better go to bed and just end the night now before I start doing something stupid, like thinking about my future or about why no one loves me.
Good night.

Moles

The women in my family are moley.
My Aunt V has a huge mole in the middle of her forever.
My grandma and my aunts have them all over the place.
As I slide on the banana peal towards 30 I am noticing the little brown dots. They are like place marks for future moles, and I am spotting them everywhere. On my hands, around my eyes.
No bueno.
I have seen people who can pull off moles, but I will not be one of them.
Just another thing to look forward to as I get old.

Maybe I could get guys to call me back if I could do the Ciara dance...from any video.

Basic Hair Care Dinner

Recently I got to share the company of some of Atlanta's most awesome beauty bloggers for the basic hair care dinner. There was good food, good hair convo, fun chicas, and awesome Basic Hair Care products.

Gays Gone Wild Gone

I can't believe that I never told you about Gays Gone Wild.
That is the nickname I had for my neighbors- four or five lesbians that lived in one apartment. I estimate that number because that is all that I ever saw, but honestly, it sounded like 20 at any given time.
There favorite time of the day was the middle of the night. They'd start cursing each other out and fighting, or cursing someone else out and fighting them. Last night I awoke to the word 'bitch' being hollered aggressively to a random man as his friend held him back from jumping one of the girls. Ah, the ghetto.
Today, I came home to all there belongings tossed out on the lawn. Yikes, they were evicted. But they seemed happy, loading all their stuff onto an old moving van. Their mattresses are still out on the lawn though. Oh well, here's for the first good night's sleep in over a year.

Amber's Advice

Me: P is going to Gambia next week to get married. I'm going to lose it.
Amber: You're not going to lose it. You're going to send him in love and pray that this is the right decision. He's been an amazing friend to you so send him off in a way that reflects that. I know it's touch but you were created to be able to handle this pressure. I love you!

Amber is the sweetest and gives the best advice. But tomorrow I will totally be crying and pulling out my fro fro the root. Happy thoughts!

Mother's Day

How was your Mother's Day?
I had planned to take my mom and aunt out to dinner, but that plan was cut to participate in a family dinner at my Aunt G's house.
Traditionally my Aunt G has hated me, so I was a bit scared to go. But the fact that my uncle recently had a stroke and my grandmother being there but everyone on their best behavior. It was a good night, but I couldn't help but notice how everyone had a beerita in their hand.
My grandma kind of didn't know who I was, and took my shoes hostage, claiming they were hers. Everyone went in on my little sister because she has decided to "take ratchet." Someone tell me what that means. My cousin Robbie has gained like a hundred pounds but he made a hell of a meatball.
We watched Django.
I have to say, it was a good Mother's Day, considering that I thought I was going to have to be drunk to get through it.

Swimsuit

You all would have thrown up if you saw how long it took me to squeeze into my new swimsuit.
Usually, if something doesn't fit, I just return it, like the Avenue sundress I just got that won't go down my hips. But this swimsuit is really cute, and I also got it at a discount. After surfing the web for a new suit, I found that it is cheaper to keep it.
I pulled this baby up my body inch by inch, squirming on my bed and crying a little. It is a size too small obviously. It pushes my crotch up to my neck and cuts across my butt like a thong. The best part is that it gives me back boobs. I already had them, mind you, but this swimsuit pushes them up to a perky C cup and truly, it makes it possible to not be able to tell if I am coming or going.
Obviously I can't take this suit off until the next time that I go to the pool. By then, my bikini area should have stopped bleeding.
Yay for new swimsuits!

Me and blogger Kiwi the Beauty (KiwiTheBeauty.com) at the Dark and Lovely Au Naturale event yesterday. She is the absolute sweetest:)

Brownie Sighting

Okay, I actually haven't seen Brownie since the nightmare that was the Miami fiasco almost a year ago. And I have not heard from him since he sent me the infamous birthday text in December. But yesterday, he was on my mind, so I texted him today. The last time we vocally spoke, in like August I think, he told me he was getting married in June or July. I texted him, asking him if he was getting married next month, and he texted back (shocker!) saying  they don't have a date yet. I followed that up with a where are you and what are you doing text. No reply. I am just happy that he is alive.

That Guy has to be one of my fav shows on Black and Sexy TV on Youtube. This episode
really got to me because I felt so embarrassed for Stacy. He kept saying, "That's just Stacy"
to avoid calling her his girlfriend. And she isn't, but he could have said friend or something.
Just Stacy? Everyone knows what that translates to: just ass. And true, she may be that,
but did the whole BBQ need to know? Ugh, obsessed with this show, check it out.

The Wedding

P is getting married in two weeks.
P is getting married in two week in another country.
I won't get to see him get married, and he will be gone for two months.
I talk to him everyday, and over the years, he has become the most consistent male presence in my life.
Lauren told me to get used to the idea that he is gone, forever, and the thought of it made me want to cry. I mean P wouldn't friend dump me because he found a woman like all the other men in my life have, right?
WRONG!
He goes, "I was thinking about that. I don't know how my wife would feel about us talking as much as we do. It would make her jealous."
Here we go again.
Two weeks left.
I am going to try not to think about it.

So I remember the advertising for this movie, but then I never heard anything about it hitting theaters or going to DVD. Yesterday, I found it on Netflix. Yesssss! Common and all of his fineness is in it. He plays and ex-con who is trying to open his won business. One day, he let's his nephew cut school and  let's him role with him all day- teaching him how to be a man; however, his methods are questionable. I loved it!

This is my 15-year-old sister.

This is my 15-year-old sister on Facebook.

 

My sister's Facebook pics have gotten so outrageous that I find myself having to cross my fingers and do a little prayer before I log in! The other day, the highlight of my news feed was a picture of her in bathroom in her t-shirt and panties. I called her immediately to express my disgust about it. Her response: they weren't panties. They were boy shorts.

Sad face/Sigh/Eye roll.

I don't know what it is about these 90s baby girls where they feel the need to show the world their bodies in an inappropriate matter via social media! My Facebook newsfeed right now is highlighted with my younger friends taking sexy bathroom pics. And boy, do they like booty shots. The thought of anyone seeing shots of my butt makes me tear up! I guess you have to give them a half of a thumbs up for being comfortable enough with their bodies as tweens to even post a risqué pic. I was so covered up in high school that the Muslim girl clique approached me once about my Ramadan plans.

I have a theory: today's young women have shitty self esteem just like we did. And they want people to like them and reassure them just like we did. But now, they have social media. And they don't even get to decide what look they are comfortable with for themselves. They post pics, typically for a young male audience, and let them decide. Only one like of a pic of little Suzie in a church dress. No more church dresses. 178 likes of Suzie in leggings and a bra? That's her new look!

As for now, I am putting together a reassurance plan for my kid sis. The goal: to get her to love herself so much that she can see that ass shots online are stupid on her own without me calling to curse her out. This is going to be a task, seeing that I just started being able to stand myself yesterday, but I am up for the challenge.











I am looking to upgrade my fro, and it just so happened that I found this on a Facebook friend's page. Look, I love my fro. But my look stops hat headbands and two-strand twists. This looks like it could be fun, even though this blogger's hair is longer than mine and I have no idea what to do to create these looks, lol. I'm going to try anyway.

No Cum See

I can't remember if I told you guys about Sickles, but a few weeks ago we met up. He was not the gentleman I thought he would be, to say the least, and when he left my house, he left me feeling bad about myself and stupid. The two hours he was here was uncomfortable and insulting. How so? I don't really want to recap the whole thing, but let's just say he insulted my hair and my upbringing because I don't wear socks.
Anywho, he IMed me on Friday, saying that he wanted to come over. Actually he said, "I wanna cum see you, cool?"
No cool. I lied to him and told him that he couldn't because I had a date to twist my mom's hair. This is funny because, even though my hair is fab, my mom would never, ever let me near hers.
His response: "Fasho."
I like to think that he sat around, sad he couldn't over, maybe even crying a little, but I know that he went on to Girl 6 in his phone, no pause, no issue.
As soon as I told him he couldn't come over, I regretted it. Primarily because I was lonely and could have used the company. But guys, he was horrible the last time he was here.
I wanted to type, "Just kidding, come through."
But I knew what his visit was about. Dudes don't text you naked pics all week to come over and watch movies. This I had to learn the hard way, no pun intended.
Thankfully, Tortilla was there to prevent me from making a huge mistake, reminding me that he was a jerk. Thank God for the emergency friend IM.
So I was lonely yesterday. It was all good. I got to keep my self esteem.

Broke Again

One thing in my life that is REALLY getting old with me is working just to end up broke.
It's inconvenient, it's not fun, and it's not cute.
My phone is off. I am typing at the speed of light to post this before the AT&T Nazis come and snap off my internet.
If I eat one more bean I am going to puke. I think I have lost some weight on the high end of the situation. I made it up the steps in my house without having to stop and take a ten minute break.
Usually, I am okay with  the phone getting cut off because no one can bother me with crazy. But I met a new man and I like him and I want to have the luxury of worrying about him calling me or not. Sigh.
Oh to be broke and young.
But I'm not that young.
Again, not cute.