Let's go back to the night that Ashley the Rude flipped her hair in my face. Shortly after I recovered from that indignity, I saw THE Donnalyn Parriwinkle. I'm going to be honest: I am a fan of Donnalyn Parriwinkle, even though I am positive she doesn't know my name. I'm honestly quite interested in knowing what she thinks my name is. I bet you it's Debbie. I have been told that I look like a Debbie.
I saw Donnalyn for the first time my freshman year at a basketball game. She was talking pretty loudly in my ear to some guy, and I turned around to say something mean to her and was taken aback by how hot she was. From that point on, she was kind of always on my radar.
So again, lets go back to moments after the hair flip that, somehow, Ethan just happened to miss. We were talking when Donnalyn, followed by a fembot army, marched into the club like she owned the place.
"Donnalyn!"I yelled.
She didn't hear me, but her friend did and tapped her on the shoulder. She turned around and I called her over. Moments after I did it, watching her walk over to me, alarms when off in my head. "Abort! Abort!" I was thinking in my head. I didn't want to be seen anywhere near this girl! She looked entirely too hot!
Before I left the hotel, I thought I looked cute. I had on a long maroon tunic and a pair of black leggings with my cream jacket. Looking back, I looked more like a stay at home mom going to pick up her twins from pre-K. As I packed for homecoming, I just threw the stuff I normally wear in a luggage. I forgot how cute these XU girls are at all times! This chick had on a fishnet blouse and a brassiere! YES! A fishnet blouse and a brassiere!
We greeted each other and it became incredibly evident, even though she was being polite, that she had no idea who I or Ethan was.
"Can I take your picture?" I asked. I was committed to taking hundreds of homecoming pics to blog with and post later.
"Sure, let's be in it together," she said with a smile. But I knew what she was doing. She was implementing the Hot Girl Rule.
Just in case you didn't know it, unless it is a selfie, hot girls have stopped taking pictures alone. They don't know what you are going to do with them. You being in the pic with them ensures that you don't do anything stupid with their likeness. What she didn't know is that I have my own Hot Girl Rule. I refuse to be photographed with them ever.
"I will take the pic," said Ethan the Clueless.
So there I stood, ten times fatter and taller than Donnalyn, smiling for a picture that I knew was going to be bad.
After the pic, Ethan, Donnalyn, and I huddled around my phone and looked down at the worst picture I have ever taken.
"Oh my God! I look terrible!" I cried, mortified.
"Yeah," Donnalyn said, looking down at the pic. "When you show people, just tell them that you were drunk."
Drunk. Right.
I work from home and I have gotten in the habit of being super casual at all times. Seeing my peers in jumpsuits and skirt sets and dresses with holes in the sides reminded me that I am too young to fall all the way off, even though doing so is sooo comfortable! It doesn't hurt to put forward some effort once in a while. I mean, even Ethan had on a bow tie. Next year I will do better. Not fishnet better. But better.
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