Bored with their conversation, I turned my head to the right to give my nerves a break and there he was: Kappa Krush. While his frat brothers were serving food, taking pictures, and flirting with their fans, he was the cheese that stood alone, dancing excitedly with himself. But that wasn't the right time to approach. I had a plan.
Yes, I had a plan. And just so you know, from the jump, this plan was full of holes and destined for failure. But, on the way to New Orleans, I had begun to think of all the guys I had liked in school that I hadn't told out of fear of humiliation. Now, they are married to chicks that aren't so beautiful that they couldn't have been me. The ones that sting are the guys that married fatties! Talk about missing the boat! Now, let me be clear, I in no way thought that Kappa Krush would be into me. Not even a little. But for some reason, I was determined to move forward with my plan. And my plan was simple: to get a hug.
Getting a hug from a Kappa is like taking candy from a baby. They literally hand out girl hugs like free clinic brochures. But I felt like it would be suspicious to just show up at their tent, among all those wet and wavy freshman girls, looking for love.
Plus, I'd had the same vision for our hug for the past thirteen years. It would take place at a club. "Flex" by Mad Cobra would be playing. We would float to each other and I would fall into his arms as the club applauded. Then, a magic carpet would come, pick us up, and take us somewhere sacred and special, like the Waffle House. #allstarwithgrits
However, by that night I had talked myself out of the plan. I had decided against going to the party at Metro and instead wanted to stay in bed and watch some Law And Order SVU reruns. Then my roommate for the trip, Dizzle, came back to the room TURNED UP and told me that we were going. She had a fantasy she wanted to play out herself which included me, her, and all of our friends dancing to "Wipe Me Down".
So off to Metro I went with a very, very lit Dizzle. And I ran into a ton of guys from the crush list. You know, the all-stars: Number 5, BobTheBuilder, Cardio Cutie, TheMartin. But, by the time the DJ had gotten to the Houston mix, I was too tired to do The Southside. I decided to Uber back to the hotel. Before I left the dance floor, I stood against the wall to put my shoes back on only to see that I was standing right next to Kappa Krush.
Isn't it funny how things work out? He was just standing there, looking out onto the dance floor.
"Hey!" I spat, a bit too loudly, even for the club.
He looked down at me. "Oh hey."
I then proceeded to receive the most lack-luster side hug I had ever received in my life! I don't know what I had expected a hug from him to feel like, but the club definitely didn't break into "A Whole New World" from Aladdin. It lasted three seconds and then he walked away. A crush thirteen years in the making folks! I felt like someone had let the air out of my balloon.
I spent the rest of the night crashing the VIP section of some very hot, hot, hot Deltas. Talking to them took my mind off of the stupid expectations I had put into a crush on a man that didn't know me from Adam. It can't possibly be healthy to live this deep in a fantasy world, could it? All that time I had spent daydreaming about boys that didn't give a shit I could have put into finding a real man that gave real hugs. I decided then and there I needed to come back to life, back to reality.
The reggae mix came on and I turned my head to see a very drunk boy from my class slow winding with himself, laughing at himself while he sipped on a drink.
"Having fun?" I yelled at him.
He smiled and nodded, boy twerking to Wayne Wonder.
Being dorky like that will get you put on the crush list...#SigmaSauced
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