Adulting- No Thanks

I am not even 40 yet, and I am almost out of the juice it takes to effectively be an adult. It's just too much. 

Anything that can be considered a part of "taking care of business" or "being grown" I simply can't tolerate. I don't have the patience or the energy or that whatever. I just want to take a nap. 

To get things done, I try to space out my heavy tasks throughout the week. Today, I had to have a conversation with my graduate advisor. I wanted to scream the whole time. Making a doctor's appointment takes so much out of me that I usually have to hide under a mountain of blankets afterward. Every time I have to do anything concerning my checking account or paying a bill, I experience level trillion trauma. And don't let me have to call the IRS for any reason. After those calls, I usually have to go on a 5-day mental hiatus. Could you imagine if I had kids?? I'd probably be blowing bubbles right now in the corner of a padded room. 

I need a break, even though I take 600 breaks a day. I need to rest, even though I am quite sure that the amount of hours I sleep is considered some lightweight human hibernation. How does everyone else have all this energy? I have friends that run businesses and raise families and travel the world! Friends that juggle lovers and keep up lies and live in a fantasy. Friends who work quadruple shifts at hospitals. Creators. Engineers. Disrupters. Imaginators. Spouses. Caregivers. HOW?

So that I don't feel too bad about myself, I like to imagine that once a week, my friends do photoshoots of themselves in different outfits doing different things so that they can post them at different times on social media to distract from the fact that they too are at home, screaming into a pillow. 

Sidebar: Can you believe that there are people in the world that have pets that they clean, feed, and take on walks all while they hold down a job, maintain relationships, and just live?! It's shocking! 

Sidebar Sidebar: I saw a video of a college friend of mine at a birthday party on IG. She looked super cute and was dancing with the energy of a 10-year-old. Watching the video exhausted me to the point that I fell asleep unintentionally with the phone in my hand. Her vibes exerted so much energy from me that my body shutdown! 

Okay. That's enough whining for today. Time to sit still in the dark.