Blah

For the first holiday in a lot of holidays, I am finding that I am not suffering from seasonal depression. This may have something to do with my apparently not recognizing that the holidays are happening. It is hard to be depressed about something that you are not acknowledging is going on in real time. I just happened to look up yesterday and noticed that there was something off about the living room. 

"Are we not putting up the Christmas tree this year?" I asked my aunt. 

She looked over at the empty space where the tree would usually be standing. "I guess not."

Although it is very cold in Atlanta, it doesn't feel like Christmas to me. Even with the hundreds of bad holiday movies I am confronted with on all my streaming services, I can't equate right now with being just a few days before Christmas. I even missed my holiday service at church, but not on purpose. The days flew by, and I forgot to go. 

My grandma used to say that Christmas is really a celebration for the kids in your family, which is crazy, because my 7-year-old nephew is usually holiday crazy, but has not been this time around. He formulated a completely unrealistic Christmas list based on a catalogue that came in the mail from Amazon. He gave it to me, and that was the last thing I heard him say about Christmas. 

I'm not unhappy this go 'round, but I am certainly not jolly. There is so much going on in the world and in the country that I think that the holiday spirit, or even negative feelings I may have around it, have been zapped from my consciousness. I even turn 41 in like a week and have no feelings about it outside of being grateful. My emotion about the holiday boils down to one word: blah.