Where's The Love? (Another Risky Business Story)

Spring is here, and romance is all around us, even in the hookup dating apps. 

Risky Business sent me a screenshot of her messages with a potential gentleman caller, where they were having a lovely exchange about meeting up for sex. They were going back and forth about their recent STI screenings. Risky was happy because the guy gives plasma regularly, so he is automatically tested for many of the sexually transmitted greatest hits. Because of this, she suspects that they may be having some fun together sooner than later. 

Don't get me wrong, I am glad that there are still people out here who are still interested in being safe, especially with STI rates going up faster than the cost of living. Yet, the messages left me wondering where the love is? Where is the romance? The conversation felt so mechanical and sterile. Is there no more amour? I guess getting tested to make sure that your potential partner doesn't end up ill is as sweet as it is going to get out here. It seems like a cheek swab and a blood draw are the new flowers and candy in these streets and, as disappointing as that is, with the state of the sexually active world, it is definitely not a bad thing. 

I guess I still fantasize about romance the way it was deceptively described to me in romance novels. I still see lit candles and slow dancing. I still hear a soft saxophone playing in the background. Bubble baths. Eskimo kisses. I know that I have to accept that today's daters, especially those my age, have moved past these things. So, at some point this spring, Risky and her beau may hold hands as they go over each other's MyChart results. This may sound like a sad thing, but as it was explained to me, if you find a guy brave enough to take such things seriously, it's actually enchanting. 

Risky Business (A Story About Coping)

The other night, I called one of my good girlfriends from college to see how she was doing. She has been having some problems trying to figure out the next move in her career. Actually, that sentence is an understatement. It has been a nightmare and through it all, she has been trying to balance looking for a gig with relaxing and having a social life. Again, this has not been easy, especially when you weigh how she has gone from being completely independent to having to live with her elderly parents. Like I said, a nightmare. So, when I called her, in an attempt to keep it light, I asked her about her dating life and that is when she gave me the scoop. Apparently, she has been meeting up with guys on Tinder, men that she does not know, to give them blow jobs. 

And just when you think you have heard it all. Admittedly, my eyes crossed when she told me this. But she was clear about not wanting to be judged and I didn't want to judge her...but I did have some questions; the primary question being WHY? Unbeknownst to me, she enjoys giving oral sex without anything in return. Although it can be work, she likes it. According to her, it also saves her some time. Once being introduced to a man's penis in this fashion, she can cut through a lot of the formalities and decide then and there if she wants to continue seeing the guy or moving towards having sex with them. If, through the oral encounter, she finds that they have a small penis or a penis that cannot maintain an erection, she puts them in the return to sender box and keeps moving. 

I sat silently on my end of the line as she used phrases like, "to completion" and "power dynamic". She also made it clear that she didn't want anything sexual in return from these guys not just because the pleasure of giving was enough, but also because she didn't feel like getting waxed. But she told me not to worry. Since her sexual activity has increased, she is getting STI tested every three months. To me, this somehow sounded both responsible and irresponsible. What if you catch something in the meantime in between time?

"I don't know," I said, taking a deep breath. "This sounds like risky business."

"Oh yeah, this is definitely high-risk behavior which is why I am getting tested more."

Emmm. Okay?

After hanging up with her, I thought about the things that we do, although at times irresponsible, to cope. Out of the heartache of having to refocus her career, my dear friend is tossing out BJs to losers. I eat fried foods and sugar. Many of my homegirls engage in retail therapy, and going to homecoming has shown me how many of my peers are heavy drinkers and smokers. By this time, we should all know that life is hard and can out-and-out suck! The goal is to try to get through without losing your mind or forming an addiction. But I know my friend will make it on to the other side of this, especially since she is optimistic about the 20-something co-ed that she is getting to know. A story for another time. 

The "Trick" and the Truth

So the other night I was talking to "Sorta Beau," you know, the guy I was talking to who got some other chick pregnant? After our usual every other night hour phone cake session, I came to a conclusion: every man has a thing. And not thing as in penis, because they all have that, or at least should have that, but thing as in the little sweet personality quirk that sets them apart from other guys. Sorta Beau's thing? Telling half-truths of course!
First, let me start off by stating that I am a journalist. My job is to ask questions. I have been trained to filter people's answers to these questions in order to get the truth. So understand that when I asked Sorta Beau questions, I weened through the answers, and concluded that he was telling me the truth. However, after our last convo, I see that this guy has been able to get over on me by not giving the full story, or the full answer, usually leaving out the most important part.
Example?
Me (Late May)-So why did you and your fiance (his ex) break up?
Sorta: She was cheating on me...
Me(Mid June)-Say, since your ex cheated on you, have you been tested for STDs and stuff?
Sorta: Yep. I came back negative. My tests results were good.
Me(Late July)-Since you got this new girl pregnant(who is not his ex-fiance as lead earlier to believe, but another girl) have you been tested recently?
Sorta: Oh yeah, did I tell you about that?
Me: About what?
Sorta: About how a while back my ex called and asked me if I had cheated on her while we were together?
Me: No. Why did she ask you that?
Sorta: Because she got tested and it came back positive.
Me: Positive?! For what!
Sorta: Oh, for trick.
Half -truths. See what I mean?
"Trick." I had never heard of it, but apparently, it's a trip. Trichomonas is its Christian name. Google it. It's a fun, toe-curling read.
Can I just say that I have truly dodged a bullet here. Thank God for abstinence! Who the hell knows what other health issues this dude may or may not have that he wasn't going to tell me until he felt it mattered, like after we were "together"?
What is the lesson that the naive city girl learned from this situation? Never fully believe what a man tells you, because you don't know what he's not telling you. Don't allow a man to "trick" you, pun intended.