Another One Bites the Dust

I have been texting with a nice guy on a dating app I am on. He is super chill and cute and seems pretty normal. However, on Wednesday, he asked me via text if I wanted kids. I told him I was cool with being a stepmom if my partner had kids, but I didn't want to have kids out of my own body. He asked me why and said he was just asking. Sigh. So, I told him the truth. I never wanted to have kids of my own because being the oldest of four made me feel like a mom when I was a kid. However, as stated previously, I have no problem being a stepmom. He left me on read. 

Two things. First off, I can not believe that I am being asked at 40 if I want to have kids. When do men think that the menopausal process starts? 75? I really do believe that ever since Janet Jackson had a baby at 103, men have gotten confused and all turned around on the matter. I'm about to age out of the game bruh! If I got pregnant today, I really do believe that I would give birth to a walnut. Secondly, let's make a rule. Let's have it chiseled into stone and then sent out on little laminated cards for people to keep in their pockets. When we are discussing a matter as serious as family planning, it is INHUMANE to leave a person on read. We are not animals, sir! And even if we were, I like to believe that if a man gazelle was texting a lady gazelle about babies, he would reply to all messages because, and this is important, they even have decency in the wild. 

Wednesday was a long time ago. I wonder if my response turned him off or if he is just busy? Who knows? What I do know is that I promised myself a long time ago not to lie about whether or not I wanted to have kids. So, I hope he does respond. If not, at least I was honest. 

Baby Bound

It is no secret that I HATE children.
People, particularly my young girlfriends that are strapped down from each limb with babies give me the stink eye when I say this, seeing that they did not like kids either before they were cornered into having them. They are loud and irritating and stinky. Children are not my favorite people.
But lately, I find the urge to have one nearly unbearable.
When I was younger, I remember watching a talk show where a teenage girl testified that she wanted a baby because she wanted something to take care of. I remember laughing at her. How stupid, wanting something to take care when you haven't even graduated high school. But now, two weeks shy of 25, I totally see what she was saying.
From ages 5 to 11 I read stories about love and from 12 to now I have been looking for it. I have seen it in my friends' lives, I have seen it on TV, I have even thought I was in it. But either it wasn't real or wasn't right. The love between a mother and child is unconditional. If I had a baby, I would be the proud owner of unconditional love...even though I would still be living with my aunt and off of pennies.
Whenever I get in this mood where I really want a bambino, I have to step back and evaluate my emotions. Am I on my period? Have I been watching Lifetime? Is it tax time and I am looking for a deduction? Yet lately, it has been neither of these things. Although I do not have a man, my own job or a good paying job, I have to say, I am flirting with the idea...even though it may be a bad one.