Coffee Goes Cold

Coffee has decided to abstain. Apparently, being 50 and afraid that you have contracted Trich will do it. 

If you do not remember who Coffee is, he is the handsome Black Republican that I went on a coffee date with last spring. Upon getting to know him, getting to know all about him, I discovered that he had a harem of women that I nicknamed "The Honies" who he had wild sex with on a rolling basis. He was also on a Sugar Daddy site and admitted to once upon a time frequenting call girls. He told me that the call girl-frequenting life is dangerous. You could get robbed or beat up by a pimp, so he focused his scope on hot single mothers that were willing to do something strange for a little bit of change. I mean, this guy was pumping out CashApp payments to distressed mommies across the city, needing a helping hand after some wild nights. 

"You don't get it because you have support from your family," he had once told me. "But these ladies work two jobs and still need help with food and rent. The average woman in Atlanta only makes $20 an hour." So, as a 6-figure earner himself, what was $100 here and there to the moms from the threesomes? He was here to help!

I have to say, this lifestyle seemed extreme to me, an elder virgin who spends her days babysitting a 2-year-old, but it seemed to fit him like a glove until recently, when he had a couple of experiences. 

One of The Honies reached out to him for a donation to get surgery for her dog. 

"Sorry, I'm not tricking anymore," he told her. Apparently, today's economy has even made things tight for him, and he no longer desires to fork out money to chicks, especially if he is not sleeping with them. She got a major attitude and brought up some of their past acts together, which really pissed him off. 

"I had to remind her that I had given her almost $1000 this year already! I told her to block me," he said, annoyed. 

I understood why the exchange could help to lead him to a life of abstinence, but that wasn't even the cherry on top. The cherry on top was Cherry, an old friend he had recently been with that called him panicked because she thought she had Trich. She wasn't sure, but the doctor suspected it during the virtual visit and prescribed meds. Coffee sent her the money to pay for the meds, afraid he had given her the disease, only to go get checked out himself and not have it. The experience has soured him to the point that he has clocked out of sex, which is funny because, in the past, he has contracted more serious things, took the meds, and returned condomless back to the ring. 

Coffee seems so relieved to have given up his "Daddy" status. He reports a surplus of cash and a clear mind. Apparently, not being worried about payouts and positive test results will automatically take a lot off of your plate. 

"So, is this a forever thing?" I inquired. 

I could feel him shrug over the phone. "I will tell you like I tell the real estate agents who call my house, wanting to know if I am willing to sell. I'm good for now, but who knows what the case will be in six months?"

I guess we will have to see. 

The Price of Greatness

Coffee considers himself a great, "elite" man, and as I get to know him, I have to say that I agree. He is very good at his job and at getting things done. He is really good at identifying a problem and coming up with a "program" to address it and guarantee success. Needless to say, he is a workaholic. He doesn't take vacations and has very little free time. I suppose this is the price of being great. 

Man, when I was a kid, I used to fantasize about how great I would be. I was going to be amazing! Even now, I think about how great it would be if I were great. I think of how much more independent I would be and how much money I would have. One thing I don't want to think about is the amount of work and sacrifice that would go into it. Years ago, I saw a documentary on Kobe Bryant that he did while he was still alive. He said that at night, he would go to the local college campus and see all the kids his age hanging out and having a good time. He thought about how cool it would be not to be famous, and what a time he could be having if he had decided to go to college instead of the NBA. However, he would snap out of this thinking, saying that not being a free and fun college boy was the price he paid for greatness. Hm. 

I guess my price for greatness would be forgoing my never-ending depression and interacting in the world. So, I guess the question is: Is striving to be great a better move than just continuing to withdraw from life? I guess the answer is buried in how much I value money versus how much I love the concrete darkness of continually falling apart. Maybe I should take some more time to think about this. It would be easier to do if I had all the time in the world. Now that would be great. 

Cost Calculating

It's funny how your opinions change as you get older. 

One of the reasons I loved college is because it felt like being immersed in an oasis of thoughts and opinions. The world was new to me and everyone around me, and it was awesome to express how I was feeling while hearing how everyone else felt. It was a beautiful time. I was young and open to changing and sharpening what I felt were my beliefs. I recall being in the cafeteria one day and sitting at a table with all girls, and one of the girls said that she would never leave her husband simply because he cheated on her. I know that is a heavy remark to make at 18 or 19 years old, but the mere statement enraged me! How could a girl that young already be okay with taking on that amount of disrespect?

Just the other night, I had a conversation with Coffee, and he expressed something similar but from a male perspective. He said that a woman who leaves a man because he stepped out of the marriage for sex is only doing so because of her ego, especially if she has kids. He said that women need to stop thinking of cheating as some big deal because it is not, especially if the man does not want to abandon his family. He said that women who get divorced after cheating usually demote themselves to a lesser quality of life, having to leave their previous lifestyles, catapulting their children into poverty. How selfish. 

Hearing this, I was as irritated as I was over 20 years ago with that girl in the cafeteria. However, as someone who is far from rich, I had to really think through the situation. If I had a good life, how upset would I have to be to leave it? What is the real cost of walking away with your dignity, and is it worth it if this dignity is now accompanied by struggle and strife? If I were coupled now, and my man slept with someone else, I would be devastated. DEVASTATED! But would I be devastated enough to forego my nice home and access to money? I guess the question is, how much is your comfort, dignity, and quality of life really worth? What woman wants to get out and hustle in middle age?

"Tell Coffee he can shut the f*^k up!" Lisha exclaimed when I posed this question to her. I explained to her how Coffee expressed that, ideally, a woman in this situation should kick a man out of the house until he is ready to come home and take their life seriously. "A woman doing that doesn't mean he is going to continue covering the expenses of a house he is not living in, kids or no kids."

It is easy to have an opinion on a situation that has never happened to you. I have a lot of thoughts on marriage, but I am not married and never have been. I am a woman, though, an emotional woman at that, so I can only imagine how hard infidelity must be. I guess the difference between me now and teen me in college is that I better understand how 3-dimensional life can be. Everything isn't black or white or even gray. Somethings are purple, and require you to really, really ponder on them before making a decision. I'm glad I have never been in this position and hope that I never am. I have never been good at calculating costs. 

A Change In The Side Tide

Coffee has lost his favorite woman in his rotation. She got a new gig and she's headed up north. He said he's okay with it, that nothing ever stays the same. But I found myself thinking, Man. I wish there was a condolence card for this. 

I love sending and receiving cards, which is pretty much a dying art. Outside of Christmas cards, no one really takes the time to buy cards and make them personal anymore. But what if the cards addressed more modern issues like getting laid off, having to sign up for the draft, or losing your favorite rotation woman? I think a revamp of cards in this way could be encouraging! 

Your favorite side got a new gig

She moved up north and hit it big 

And although she's no longer yours in this way

I'm sure you will find a replacement any day. 

Befriending Coffee has shown me the blood, sweat, and tears that goes into keeping a steady, healthy rotation. It's not some easy, breezy process. A lot of time and skill is involved, so a loss in the stable should be addressed with kind words and top notch stationary stock. Shouldn't we support our friends in all phases of life? Just an idea. 

Free Coffee Today Atlanta!

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