Black Doug Funnie and the Fight for Love

I have been dreaming a lot about men lately. P says it is because I am horny, but I don't think that is what it is. In these dreams, I am just talking to these men on some getting to know you, getting to know all about you type of stuff. Last night's dream was no different. 

Do you believe that God communicates with you through dreams? I do. So as a single woman dreaming about men, I am trying to pay extra attention to what God may be trying to say. I am in no way a dream interpreter, but I am going to try to figure out what He was trying to say in the dream that I had last night. 

Okay, so in the first part of the dream I am some type of Fear Factor death match with zombies and Jason and Freddy kinds of characters. After fighting tooth and nail, I make it out victorious. And I mean, I was fighting; punching, kicking, clawing, and even roundhousing these monsters. I think that this is representative of being single in Atlanta for over 15 years. I mean, can you think of anything scarier?

After I won the battle, I ended up in the lobby of my grandmother's old retirement home. I think that this is representative of my fears of being old and alone. There was a group of people hanging out in the lobby, and I was waiting for the elevator to go up to see my grandmother. I think that this represents how I often wish I could ask her for her advice. 

While I was waiting, a man taps me on the shoulder and asks me if I'm single. And I am like, "Yeah." He asks me how old I am and I tell him. Then he tells me how old he is, and I don't recall the age, but I know he was younger. Sigh. What I think God is telling me here is to not disregard the tenderonies even though He knows that I would like a man my age or older but hey, you can't argue with God. 

Talking to this man, I felt very happy and loved and at peace. He got on the elevator with me and my aunt, who appeared out of nowhere, and he was talking to her. I think God is reassuring that whoever this mystery man is, he will get along with my...interesting family. 

The thing that I remember most about this guy is that he looked like a Black version of Doug Funnie from the hit '90s Nickelodeon show "Doug". He even had on the same outfit and everything! And in my dream, I just felt like he was so adorable. 

P once told me that your dreams are not about what they seem to be about on the surface. I don't think this is true for me because God knows that I am not good at riddles. If He wants to give me a message, He knows He has to give it plain and simple. Hopefully, God is saying that my man is a loveable nerd, possibly born in the '90s, who will love me like Doug loved Patti. So now, my eyes are super peeled for this dream lover. If you run across a big-nosed Black man in a sweater vest and khaki shorts, send him my way. I'm trying to see something...

Engagement and the Retired Thug

My friend Angela recently had a Netflix and Chill day date that she was very excited about. Whenever she tells me about a new beau I hold my breath, because she is a notoriously bad partner picker, primarily because she is a heavy proponent of thug love. And I have been here through all of them: the trapper, the rapper, the swinger with OCD. Before she even got started with the story, I was already preparing myself for the BS. 

Apparently, this guy is not a thug...he's a retired thug. He's gone legit everybody, making gourmet food for a laundry list of clients. She said that he opened her car door for her and was a real gentleman. He actually sounded like he may not suck until she told me that he is engaged. 

I swear, anything flies in Atlanta. How do you date someone who is engaged?! I know that people are grown and that they are going to do what they are going to do, but Angela's baby daddy was a cheater. She has been cheated on before. I brought this to her attention and her response was, "Yeah, I felt some type of way about it. But I'm bored."

?

She assures me that the retired thug is nothing serious. She says he has proven that he can't be taken seriously because he is engaged and dating. That's the understatement of the season! As I continued to listen to the deets about the day date, I thought about his fiancé who was possibly snuggled with him at that very moment. I also thought about the boulder of karma that could be rolling full speed at my friend's face. Listen, when I was younger and did something stupid that was karma-able, I would dedicate some months to the universe for forgiveness. These days, I try to stay on the straight and narrow. I don't have months to give away! And neither does Angela. I see this going nowhere fast, hopefully. It's hard to watch friends you loved do dumb ish. 

Money Talks

"I made bipityblahdumpity this year in sales," Mary said. She was sitting on a bar stool, sipping on a cocktail that matched her lipstick, wearing a pair of glasses from her own collection. She, me, and Carolita were reunited for our quarterly supper club outings which took a hiatus during COVID. We were at one of those Atlanta dives where the waitresses have fat asses and visible lace fronts. The music being played was suitable for a middle-tier strip joint or, in this case, waiting over two hours for overcooked, oily fried green tomatoes. "Twipitiydobitty sustainable business model," she went on to say. "...investments with a poopity return over a 12-month minimum."

I could feel my eyes glazing over, so I looked to Carolita for clarification, only to become even more lost. 

"Me and my sister do a yaddayadda."

"What's that?" Mary asked. 

"That's where you twinkletwinkle on a star for a diddybop," she explained. 

I just stood there, my eyes bouncing between the two of them. What were they talking about?! And why didn't I know what they were talking about? And how did they have money to do all this stuff? Oh right, they have real jobs, I thought to myself. That and some deep well of knowledge around money that I just do not have. I am literally two years away from 40 and know as much about investing as a newborn! I guess I should start hoarding the canned goods now for darker days. 

I read somewhere once that how you were raised has a lot to do with your attitude toward money. Carolita was raised in a solid two-parent home. Granted I don't know all the details, but I don't think that she ever had to sell water on the side of the expressway to make ends meet. Mary is the daughter of hardworking Nigerians. My grandmother was literally scared to spend money while I had witnessed my mom write checks for food at the Winn-Dixie with her fingers crossed. I guess I fall someplace in between the two of them. 

"If I had a thousand dollars to invest, where would you advise me to put it?" I asked Mary. This was a serious question. 

"That's a hard question," she said, sipping on one of those really skinny cocktail straws. I am assuming that this is a hard question because a thousand bucks is the equivalent of five cents in the investment game. 

This conversation lingered on my mind, even after the dinner. I want to be a lady boss too! How can I be down? 

"Well, I am not balling like them," Tasha assured me when I told her about what we had talked about. For a split second I felt relieved. Maybe I could have a roommate who I knew in the low-income nursing facility. But then she went on to talk about how her grandparents were leaving her property when they die and how her mom hand been saving and investing for her since the womb! 

I got off the phone and just stared at the wall in silence. How did I allow this to happen to me?! I can't be the little old lady who lived in her shoes because I only have one good pair! I am going to be the angry old lady who fashioned a tent out of her plus-size maxi dresses to squat under a bridge. I should have been more motivated! I saw how not having money stressed out my mother. And it's not like I ever deluded myself into believing that some man was going to come a long and support me. Men have always picked over me like rotten fruit and the ones that didn't wanted money from me! Now I am skidding towards middle age without a pot to piss in! As you know I am a writer; I love a good story. But not even I want to know how the story ends for the almost 40-year-old that didn't prepare appropriately for life. 

I can't whine about this anymore. My anxiety is rising. Plus, time is money. 

BACARDI Rum Room Event Rundown

Last weekend, I attended the BACARDI Rum Room event downtown. And yes, it was awesome! 

There was something for all the Atlanta socialites: endless selfie opportunities, music, and of course, DRINKS! However, being the nerd that I am, I enjoyed learning more about the history of Bacardi and the art of aging rum. 

This man is David Cid, the BACARDI Global Rum Master.  He talked to the media about the history of  the Premium Collection which includes  BACARDÍ Añejo Cuatro, BACARDÍ Reserva Ocho and BACARDÍ Gran Reserva Diez. I learned some cool things about the aging of rum. Did you know that most of the Bacardi rum is aged in barrels in Puerto Rico? Did you also know that a rum can taste two times its age if it is aged in a tropical climate? 

This installation does a great job of explaining how rum is aged. Once you understand it, you can really appreciate how precious every drop of rum we use in our cocktails is. 

Speaking of cocktails, there were a number of different BACARDI cocktails for attendees to try. Above is the Ocho Old Fashioned, which included the BACARDI Reserva Ocho Rum, syrup, and bitters. 

The VIP area had the feel of a really cool, old library. There, media and VIP guests had the opportunity to participate in a rum tasting. There was a cigar demo as well as live BACARDI bottle engravings. My bottle says LOVE, HOLLY. 

The VIP area also included artwork from Oriel Ceballos and, later in the evening, there was a performance by Swiss Beats. 

Are you ready to get your rum on? You can visit the BACARDI website here.

xoNecole's ElevateHer Crawl is coming this weekend!

Are you looking to start your own business? If so, attending xoNecole's first ever ElevateHER Crawl is a must! Presented by Toyota Corolla, it will be taking place this Saturday at Mason Fine Art Gallery. Attendees will  have the opportunity to hear from business leaders such as Janell Stephens, the founder of Camille Rose Naturals and Ezinne Kwuburi, the Head of Inclusion and Diversity for H&M. Guests will also have the opportunity to enjoy a DIY Beauty Bar, a self-care lounge, and founder fireside chats. This event will be the perfect opportunity to network, seeing that 50 businesses owned and ran by women of color will be there under one roof! Need to purchase tickets or get more info? Click here.

The Sexless Love Interest

After writer's group, I had a long conversation with Ryan the crush. Truth be told, my crush was beginning to fade. A flame can only burn for so long when it is clear that the one you are ablaze for has absolutely no interest in you. I had to take a lesson from Aunty Maxine Waters and start to reclaim my time. There is no time wasted like time invested on a dude that doesn't return your feelings. We hadn't spoken in a while. But, after writer's group, we took a second to catch up. He got a new job. He's going to take a vacation to Miami before the summer is over. He also said that he is excited because that very day marked his tenth year of being abstinent.
Get the f*&k out of here! I wanted to scream. How could a man this hot and this smart and this old (he's 42) be walking around sexless?
Instantly, the crush rekindled at 1000%. It was a huge turn on to meet a man who, in this day and age, had some modicum of self control. I live in Atlanta, where, weekly, men make their rent rain in ones at one of the city's well-known strip joints. Dudes cheat. They have more than one girlfriend. Their lives seem to revolve around sex, indulging in their desires at every possible turn. And there I stood, next to a man, that made a serious decision, in his youth, to hold off on sex.
"I'm looking for love," he said honestly, nibbling on one of the homemade brownies brought to the group by Jabbering Janice, the one woman in group that can not stop talking.
Love me! I imagined myself screaming, jumping in his lap.
I told P about this when I got home. Of course, he had something rude to say about the whole thing.
"This guy is obviously gay," he said nonchalantly.
Ryan isn't gay. I like to believe that he is a sign sent to me from heavens that not every man is a fornication-obsessed dirt bag. Now, if I could only get him to sleep with me.
Lol...just kidding.

Based on a T.R.U. Story: My trip to the 2 Chainz Trap House

By now, I am sure that everyone has heard about the 2 Chainz Trap House, the house that he has painted pink here in Atlanta as a promotional tool for his latest album, Pretty Girls Like Trap Music (which is true). Since it has opened, it has been a hot spot for 2 Chainz fans, teen twerkers, Instagram models looking for a place to have photo shoots, and the general curious public. At 32-years-old, I was sure that I was too old to partake in the trap fun. But, after seeing the story that was done on Wendy Williams about it (click here), I got scared that the city was going to close it down. Not one to miss out on history, I recruited friends to go with me. This is my story. 

The front of the Trap House 

"You are going to like it, it's lit!" my LYFT driver assured me as we weaved through the streets of Atlanta beneath a ferocious sky of storm clouds. We somehow avoided the traffic, which was backed up down the street because of people slowing down to take pictures of the house as they passed. The moment I got out of the LYFT, I was greeted by rain...and security cursing out a tall blonde girl. She was walking off the property with her photographer as she flipped them off. 

"You think you a model? You ain't no model! You not pretty enough to be a model!" one of the security guards yelled after the girl. 

"Ooooooh!!" jeered what looked to be a group of pre-teen White boys from the porch.

I obviously wore the wrong pair of shoes to the house as I raced to the steps. My shoes were slipping and sliding and I had to balance on the trap stove (a spray painted pink stove in front of the house) as to not fall. The crowd cleared pretty quickly because of the rain, and after everyone ran for shelter, it was just me, security, a photographer, two girls who were there having a selfie photo shoot, and my GROWN friends. 

My friends and other Trap House visitors on the trap porch, waiting for it to stop raining

 My goal for the visit was to actually go inside of the house. I couldn't, the door was locked. But I did look inside through the bars on the door. And no, there were no bricks of coke and stacks of money. There were paintings. 

"They are going to have a sip and paint event here tonight," said one of the security guards. "They had one yesterday too."

Apparently, even though the trap house is a promotional tool, it is also an event space. 

I also asked security if the house was going to be closed down. 

"This is private property, ain't nothing they can do," he assured me. "The police been here. The word "Trap" was supposed to be gone two days ago and it's still here. If it closes down, it's because they [the leasers] wanted to leave, not because they forced them to."

Sarina and Aria as we waited for it to stop raining

Talking to security as we waited on the rain to let up, they told me that a big part of their job is keeping cars from parking directly in front of the house, which happened a few times while I was there. This is a problem for visitors because there isn't a lot of places to park around the house. Many of the surrounding businesses have put orange cones in front of their parking, letting Trap House visitors know the parking is only for customers. That didn't stop people from parking far away and walking blocks down to the house. 

Me in front of the house with 

Me and the my traptastic friends

Once our friend Tay arrived, we decided to begin taking our selfies, even in the rain. She was disappointed because the pink car that was once parked outside of the house was gone. Apparently, it had been vandalized.  😑 Word to the wise: if you go visit the trap house in the rain, make sure your phone is waterproof. It was a circus trying to get our phones to take a decent pic with us having to wipe the screens a million times. 

As the sun came out, the crowd I had seen on the news had begun to come back. I was surprised at the number of kids that showed up, unaccompanied by adults. My favorite visitors were the drug dealers pretending to make it rain with REAL money for pics. I found $30 bucks😉

Once I got home, I posted my pic on IG. One of my college friends came for me, saying that he was "not here for a trap house, pink, or not." I get it. I'm woke. I understand the irreparable damage and reinforcement of stereotypes this house brings. It really is a disgrace. With that being said, I suggest you go. Just don't go in the rain. 

I MARCHED YA'LL!

I am sure that by now, many of you have heard about the women's marches that took place across the nation. Women and supporters for the cause marched across the the US on issues pertinent to our rights, and the turnout was AWESOME! I have to be honest: I was not going to go. I knew that there was a march taking place in DC, and there was no way that I could get there. Many of the women that I work with said that there was a march that was going to take place right here in Atlanta that they were going to attend, yet I still was not compelled to participate. I knew the weather was going to suck that weekend, and let's be real, I hate walking. But then my friend Tasia said that she was going and bringing a friend and asked if I wanted to come along. I said yes. I knew that Tasia wouldn't leave me downtown if I couldn't walk as fast as her. I was pissed about the threats that President Trump was making against reproductive rights, and I wanted to make a sign. Anyway, how many chances do you get to be a part of history?

The weatherman was right: the weather was pretty bad. It had rained earlier that morning and Tasia wanted to back out. I was so hyped about my super cute sign that I insisted that we still go, and I am so happy that I did. The energy was vibrant and pure and exciting. There weren't just women there- there were men and transpeople and children and LGBT supporters. I was also shocked at the number of senior women who showed up to walk. When I turn 80, I pray that I have half of their energy. Many of them stormed passed me on the walk to the capital. 

Because it rained and the walk started late, I was scared that the many people wouldn't show and that some that had come would leave. But that wasn't the case: once the walk got started it was on! There was singing and chanting and beats on a drum and even some crying. And yes, there was a pro-life activist that came who was yelling on a bullhorn with a sign, but nothing went down.

When we made it to the capital there was music and celebration and joy and of course, snipers on the roof of the building. Sadly, my camera is too bootleg for me to have gotten a good photo of them on the roof with guns. After the walk, Tasia and I were even interviewed by HERS Magazine on why we chose to march! I have to say, I am so glad that I went. It was an awesome day! 

But please believe me when I say that, after the walk, I paid for us to hitch a Lyft ride back to Tasia's car. I'm sorry, but this revolutionary was exhausted. Until the next march ya'll!

3rd Annual #HappyActs Campaign for UN-sanctioned International Day of Happiness Hits Atlanta

WHAT:  Live Happy magazine once again launches its mission to lead a global movement to make the world a happier place with its 3^rd annual #HappyActs campaign, inviting everyone –including residents of Atlanta – to spread  joy and simple acts of kindness, both in person and online, in honor of the UN-sanctioned International Day of Happiness (March 20).

#HappyActs are small actions with a BIG impact that can make someone's day a little brighter. It can be anything and as simple as a hug, a kind word, or helping a neighbor.

On March 19 and March 20, participants can help take part (and encourage others) by posting these small acts of kindness on their social media pages, as well as posting their #HappyActs at one of over 70 Happiness Walls that will be set up across the country, including Atlanta.

Live Happy will donate $1 to Big Brothers Big Sisters* for every #HappyAct shared at a Happiness Wall. Live Happy also has a variety of other resources for participants to continue their ‘March to Happiness,’ including the new March/April issue of Live Happy magazine and their first-ever book, Live Happy: Ten Practices for Choosing Joy (HarperElixir).

HOW:                     Accept the #HappyActs Challenge by visiting: www.happyacts.org

·         Share as many #HappyActs as possible by March 20 via Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest and Twitter

·         Visit a Live Happy Happiness Wall (for a complete list of cities, visit happyacts.org)

·         Learn how to create your own family happiness board in the new March/April issue of Live Happy magazine

·         Pick up a copy of Live Happy: Ten Practices for Choosing Joy (HarperElixir) at your local bookstore or order online for more happiness inspiration

WHERE:                              Atlantic Station                                                                     Andretti Karting

1380 Atlantic Drive Northwest                                          1255 Roswell Road
Atlanta, GA 30363                                                               Marietta, Georgia 30062

WHEN:                                   Saturday, March 19^th                                                           Sunday, March 20^th

10-9pm                                                                                  12-5p  

FOR MORE INFORMATION PLEASE VISIT: www.happyacts.org  

Free Coffee Today Atlanta!

Snapped: BACARDI Hosts Untameable House Party Tour in Atlanta with Meek Mill

Snapped: A3C Festival and Conference

Marc Lamont Hill Young Jeezy at the A3Conference 

De La Soul 

Dej Loaf

Rakim 

Big Krit 

2 Chainz

Recap: Fab Fashions at the Poshmark Posh Party

Poshmark, a popular app used for selling and buying women's clothing, held a Posh Party at WETBAR at the W Hotel Dowtown. Style Influencers enjoyed an evening of networking and killer fashion. Below are some of the best looks of the evening, photos by Joey Wallace.