The Solution

So, it has been about two years since I made the decision to try to date before I get too old to even care, and I have just this to say: I have no more energy. Out of all the men I have met on the dating app, I have only gone to the conversation stage with about five of them, and I really don't know what else to say. I do not have it in me to ask another man what he does for a living and what his hobbies are. I feel like I know the answer before they answer. He works in a warehouse someplace and he likes to watch movies and play video games. At what point is it okay to just be like, "Look, you seem clean and mildly attractive. Do you want to just get together and see if we can stand each other enough to make something out of this?" I mean, that's the question, right? That is what we all want to know. So why not just cut to the chase and save some time? If I have learned anything from this process, it's that men can be misleading over the phone. Let's just meet up somewhere, witness the real deal, and decide after coffee and cake if we just want to start dating from there. I am estimating that 3-5 pointless conversations could be eliminated in this process. And I say pointless because even though I love talking on the phone, I am finding that these guys have almost nothing, NOTHING to say. Maybe they will be more chatty in person. I don't know. I am just spitballing here. I am trying not to complain, but find solutions, and it seems that if I want to be in a relationship, the best thing to do would be to just jump into one and figure out the deal later. Just an idea. 

Ain't Never Scared pt 2: Plottin' and Cupcakin'

One of my favorite social media fake relationship counselors said that it is important for single women to know what they want from men. After much deliberation on this, I have decided that what I want most from a man is conversation. Fun, flirty, innocent conversation. 

"Do people still cake on the phone?" I asked P. 

"Are they going to talk about sex?"  he asked. 

I thought about it. "No."

"Then no."

This was disappointing to hear, but as I am now trying to be the creator of the adventure in my life, I have decided to bring cakin' back. Some of my fondest memories as a middle schooler is playing soft music on the radio while me and my gay boyfriend at the time yacked it up about the important things in life: scary movies, our favorite foods, and kids we didn't like in our classes. It was so much fun getting to know him. That is what I want: to get to know a man...to the soundtrack of Jodeci. 

Now, I have asked some of my friends what their response would be if a person they knew but was not interested in romantically slid into their DMs and asked if they were interested in having late night conversations. Their answers were not reassuring. However, the name of the game is not being scary anymore when it comes to things like this. 

There is a guy that I know that I think would be a perfect for a cake call. I have slid into his DMs, typed up a cake invitation, then erased it. Although he seems nice, the idea of him telling all our mutual friends about the shot I attempted to shoot makes me physically ill. For this particular challenge, it has been a bit hard to keep up the Ain't Never Scared energy. I don't do well with being embarrassed. 

Here is the thing: I am a graduate school graduate longing to be in a middle school-paced relationship. I am also lonely and relationship immature. I know that I am skidding towards middle age. All the singles my age on social media are doing podcasts about how they like group sex and anilingus. All I want in my life is the telephone version of hand holding. If you knew me at all you would know that that is really all I can handle. My friend Carol said she will advertise my need for a cake beau on Twitter. I will keep you posted on any developments. 

Probation

While waiting on the bus to go back home from the bank I met a young man. He looked like all the boys I went to school with when I was a kid- not that tall, dark, baggy pants. After finding out the hold up with my check, I was in a bit of a better mood. So when this boy told me that I looked nice, I didn't want to claw his eyes out.
I found out in conversation that his boy was 21 and had just gotten out of juvenile detention for possession of marijuana and cocaine. He served 2 years, got his GED, and he now wants to go to art school. He also likes to sing.
I really enjoyed talking to this kid, and I found myself just wanting to give him a hug. And do to occupational habits, I ended up pretty much interviewing him. And he told me about life on Cleveland Avenue, where there are 10-year-old boys that sling crack. He told me about his mom, who doesn't care about him or his younger brothers because she puts all her energy into a man who drinks a lot. He talked about how he and his brothers live with his grandmother, and how he is scared of her dying. He thinks a lot about what would happen if she did, even though she isn't sick- how he would have to get custody of his brothers. He informed me about what life is like on probation.
We chatted until the bus came. I told him that God loved him, because any other Black boy caught with Coke with intent to sell would STILL be in prison. This, he said, he already knew.
I did not catch his name and we did not get on the same bus. I don't know exactly what I was supposed to take away from my chance meeting with him, but I enjoyed talking to him.