Boy Excited

As many of you know, I volunteer with teen girls. I met with them on Saturday, and many of them were giggling for no reason and walking around with huge, huge smiles. It doesn't take a brain surgeon to know what that means: they have boyfriends. One of my favorite girls who, until recently, only wanted to date a Korean boy similar to her K-Pop crushes has found a super tall boy at her school that she can not stop talking about. He is apparently the best thing to happen to high school since excuses to get out of gym. One of the other teens I mentor is quiet and moody and has found another equally quiet and moody boy to laugh on the phone with. He is into anime and making dance videos on Instagram.
Seeing them made me smile. I remember what it feels like to be genuinely excited about a guy. I would like that feeling again, but I told Kyndra on our ride to church that I am not sure I can ever be again. What my teen mentees don't know is that with every ounce of boy excitement you have, the bigger the shoe is that is inevitably going to drop. I have been excited about so many guys, from the one that had a fat fetish highlighted by the tattoo of a fat woman on his arm to the one that seemed really community minded but only wanted to get close to me to get me involved in a calling card pyramid scheme.  Now, whenever I even so much as see a cute guy, I imagine what could be wrong with him; the boatload of unnecessary drama he could bring into my life.
The last guy I was excited about was Third Ryan. His other shoe dropped when he told me he was in love with one of my best friends. That was the cherry on top of an already melting love banana split for me. Now I kind of look at guys the way I look at purses at the mall that I can't afford: from a distance with a sad face. Just as the purse would be my obsession before it was inevitably snatched from me at an Atlanta bus stop, that man would have me excited before he inevitably lied, revealed his array of side families, asked to borrow money, or ate off of my plate without asking. But hey, who says you can't be excited about an idea? I did. I think I said that.

Boring

What is the difference between 20 and 30 something women? Besides financial stability and varying levels of maturity, I would have to say the major difference is life experience. This became even clearer to me most recently when I talked to some 20-something girls after my writer's group.
Child, they sounded about crazy! They were going on and on about how they weren't interested in some of the young men in the group because they were awkward and boring. I was actually beginning to get annoyed before I reminded myself that they are but babes in this purgatory that is often referred to as "the single life".
When I was their age (before dating apps) I was looking for love on Craigslist (before the Craigslist Killer). I met a guy who was only looking for a fling to add to his list of flings, and another guy who lied about his height. No joke, he said he was 5'8 and showed up at my doorstep as a literal dwarf. Not that I have an issue with dwarves. On the contrary, I was open to dating one. But the fact that he had told such an outrageous lie killed our love before it had a chance to get off the ground. I had a long distance situation with a man who cashed his paychecks and kept all his money in Nike boxes under his bed. And who can forget the guy that I thought was my boyfriend...only for him to call and tell me that he needed emotional support dealing with the fact that he had impregnated a woman in a club bathroom. These girls don't understand: a boring man is what you want!
So what if he doesn't keep you on the edge of your seat wondering if he is going to get caught for that handful of warrants? You want a man that is going to work a real job and come home to you, without any outside club toilet babies.
When I was in college, I do admit that I had a thing for boys in fitted caps who drove Impalas. But where are those fascinating boys now? The ones who haven't changed into respectable family men are juggling women like foam balls!
I guess this is a lesson that you learn with age; when you realize that having a man that keeps you guessing really isn't that exciting.

The Curious Case of Holly Jillene

I feel soooo old.
These days, if I am not tucked into my bed by 10p.m., the following day is going to be a seemingly endless series of naps and irritated bickering. It's funny. My sophomore year of college my buds Rae and Aften decided to stay on Bourbon Street from p.m. to a.m. There, the clubs stay open until people stop buying drinks. By 7 a.m., I was actually falling asleep on the dance stage. If my memory serves me right, by the time we left, the buses had stopped and started running again. Today, when I go out with my girls, I am ready to leave by midnight.
This year, I turn 25, and I fear that my best years are over kiddies. These first 25 passed with the speed of light. If the next are going to go by even half as fast, hot flashes are around the corner. I have friends that have done semesters in Africa and taken impromptu trips to France. I just feel like I have not lived. These days, I spend so much time brushing up on Swine Flu facts and living in fear of catching STDs from toilet seats that I have not been getting out and living life as I should.
Perhaps that will be my New Year's resolution: to live in search of more excitement. Until then, I think I will take a nap.