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Showing posts with label girl. Show all posts
Showing posts with label girl. Show all posts

Thursday, November 9, 2023

Homecoming Post 7: Tailgate Uncut

Do you all remember BET Uncut? That show that would come on late nights on BET that would show all the nasty, sexual music videos? Upon arriving at the tailgate, I swear to you, I thought that the whole thing may have been sponsored by BET Uncut! For those of you who have not been back to XU for the tailgate, let me prepare you: Norman C. Frances is gone, the nuns are dead, and these young XU undergrad girls have lost their minds! Last year, I was told that I was sounding like a disgruntled aunty because I was complaining about the turbo weaves, paste on edges, and wack-a-diddy false eyelashes. But this year- I could not believe my eyes! 

Okay, so I know that the girls dressed risqué when I was a student. But this new class of girls puts those old short-shorts and tight tops to shame. My aunt and I sat on the wall beside the tailgate people watching, and I am not even going to tell you how many whole, bare asses we saw. It was an asstastic mess! Remember back in the day, underboob was all the rage? I am not kidding when I say that these girls had their entire behinds exposed. If one of my Xavier brothers would have seen my whole butt as a kid in college, I would have died on the spot! Purple Reign sat beside me for a spell, watching the butt brigade go by. I told him if the girls would have been like this when we were in school, his penis would have exploded. He agreed. 

So apparently, a trend now is wearing tennis skirts that hike up in the back and show your behind. That might not have been so bad if any of the girls partaking in this trend would have bothered to put on underwear! Skintight leather shorts are also a look, but the look is only done correctly if your butt gobbles up the shorts almost entirely. The Gen Z girls love their thigh high cowboy boots which I must admit, were cute. However, hours twerking on concrete at the tailgate left many of the ladies hobbling out of the tents like they had just had a long night at the strip club. Purple Reign introduced me to a current professor at the school who said he was scared to go into the tents out of fear of seeing one of his students half naked! 

And it's not just the sweet petites showing their literal asses. I saw a lot of back fat and thigh dimples out there. I honestly can't tell if these girls have high self-esteem or have completely lost touch with reality. What I can say is that if I went to XU now, I'd be the belle of the ball! 

Brandon had a different perspective. He felt that that girls were only dressed this way to sell sex or to catch an old sugar daddy. I thought he was being ridiculous. Yes, the girls looked trashy, but these are also the doctors and pharmacists of the next generation! But sadly guys, he may have been right. Whenever I saw a fresh, young bottom twisting by, there was an elderly, thirsty Xavier man not too far behind it. 

Why am I telling you all of this? I guess I am a little bit of a disgruntled aunty. I want the young ladies to know that they are more than their bodies. At the very least, I want you to know what to pack if you come next year. 

Tuesday, August 20, 2019

Lady Lumps pt 1

The other day I woke up with a pain in my left boob, the problem boob.
I got up and went to the bathroom to investigate the situation to find that I had some type of lump above my areola.
I was not surprised. My left breast has given me nothing but problems since I was 13-years-old. Unusual sensitivity in my breast caused me to have to go to the doctor with my mom when I was in the 8th grade, only to find that I had a bacterial infection. I had to take pills, and since then, my left boob has been saggier and considerably more pancakey than my right one.
Now I know some of you all are reading this and holding your breath. I know what you are thinking: The Big BC. But I was not thinking that at the time. I was thinking, Great, more s&*t that I have to deal with. Keep in mind, I was also not completely awake. I rolled my eyes at my boob and went back to sleep.
Now, when I woke up for real, cancer was most definitely on my mind. I went back to the mirror to study the situation, rubbing the lump and to me, it didn't feel like cancer. I, of course, am going off of a breast cancer display that I felt on in college during some type of AKA sorority breast cancer workshop. A breast cancer survivor had a display of a set of breasts and told me to press down on both with two fingers and tell her when I felt something. It took a while before I felt something small and sharp deep in the display breast.
"That's the lump," she said with a stern, straight face. I catalogued that in my mind for a moment such as the one I didn't know I would be having 14 years later and went back to my dorm with my friends to get ready for a party.
My mind was racing a mile a minute. This bump on my breast hurt! I remembered a doctor in a Lifetime movie telling a patient in the movie that breast cancer didn't hurt. I exhaled a sigh of relief.
But then I panicked! That was a made-for-TV movie, not real life!
Then I remembered, when I went to Planned Parenthood for a pelvic exam, I was given a breast exam. The nurse said I had healthy breast tissue. Again, relief.
Then I panicked! That was six years ago!
But wait, I thought, I am only 34. Relief.
Then came the panic. I read an article not too long ago about how women younger than 40 and dudes are getting increased breast cancer diagnoses.
I decided to do what I do best: ignore the problem. However, that went out the window an hour later when the bump on my boop started leaking.