Holly and the Threeway?

When I was in high school, I found myself in an awkward yet comfortable girlmance with my BFF Selena. It was shameless, I mean shameless. I am shocked that no one thought that we were dating, seeing that I was more than over excited to be around her all the time.
Yet, while I was in college, our lives began to go in different directions. She joined the military and recently had a baby. The adorable pics of her daughter that pop up on my Facebook news feed helped me realize that it had been ages since I had really talked to her. I decided that a movie date was in order and set one up. I have to say that we both seemed really excited about it, sending each other those cutsie "can't wait to see you" texts. I felt like I was going on a real date, even though her husband was tagging along.
Yes, her husband. Selena is married. And I have to say, I had never been excited about him. And not just because of the girlmance either, but because he was overprotective and annoying. But what the Hell, right? Catching up with Selena was the important thing.
Moments after I arrived at the theatre there was Selena, gorgeous as ever. She was a good 40lbs heavier than she was in high school with ENORMOUS boobs, both courtesy of the baby. And shockingly, her once awkward hubby was all confident and hot. I mean hot ya'll.
Anywho, the "date" went well. After the movie we lingered in the theatre talking, and the ride home was riddled with light-hearted convo about porn. It was really...romantic.
Right before I got out of the car there was this feeling. I liken it to the one that you get before they change scenes in a porno from talking on the couch to screwing in a rented mansion's master bedroom. I sat there a sec, looking at the two of them, seriously pondering whether or not I had enough game to get hubby to put the car in reverse so we could go rent a room somewhere. I didn't ask. Instead, I accepted a warm hug from hubby and a sweet kiss on the hand from Selena. I would be lying if I said I was not masterminding another "movie date." Hopefully, by the next one, my game will be up :)

3 is the new 2

Over the past month, about five of my friends have called me to tell me that they've just been in a threesome.

Apparently, these sexcapades are going on in my friends' lives while I'm at home in bed watching The Hills and eating Oreos with my hair wrapped wearing my old dependable holey nightgown.

I am the first to admit that I am sexually oblivious. I have been a graduate of Xavier University for two years and I am just now finding out who did who and when. But I thought the threeway was the last card in the deck for desperate married couples!

Yesterday I was watching Tyra with my grandma in the nursing home and this 19-year-old girl told her parents that she'd had a threesome in an elevator with some other girl and man that she didn't know on the family cruise.

So if I am correct, if the threeway is the last card in the deck and the Tyra girl was 19 and my friends are in their early 20s, then what will be doing to get off in ten years, fucking cats?

Okay. Let me slow my roll. Maybe I'm going overboard here.

A close girlfriend of mine told me that she and her two guy friends just met up one night and the threesome just kind of happened. Just kind of happened. You have to understand that I have always been a cautious person. I look both ways before I cross the street and keep a travel-sized Lysol in my purse just in case I have to pee at the mall. I have never just kind of ever did anything, especially not sucked a dick while taking it up my ass in a basement.

Am I being rude? I'm sorry, but I just want you to know how foreign this is to me. It was not until college that I became comfortable with hugging. And I have to say, this whole threesome thing is making me paranoid.

Kind of like when I was in the fifth grade and used to watch scribble porn at my uncle's house. After that, if I saw a female teacher talking to a male one, I just assumed it was to schedule sex. Or if the pizza man came to the door and didn't leave immediately, he wasn't waiting on his tip, he was waiting for me to strip. Now, when my favorite couple invites me to their apartment for our bi-weekly Scrabble games, I sit at the end of the couch drinking a Red Bull, afraid that if I doze off, they will try to get something poppin'.

But maybe that would not be a bad thing. Perhaps I am thinking of this all wrong. My friends don't have accelerated sex lives. I'm just behind. I have always sort of felt like I need to loosen up and get with the times and now that I think about it, what better time than in your 20s to explore? If anyone needs me I'll be in my basement...multitasking.