Ice Cube - It Was A Good Day (HD)

Tomorrow will be the last day my brother is in town. I will have to catch
up on work and crap. Sigh. I guess I gotta make today a good day:)

Holiday

So Thanksgiving is over. I made it through without losing it. Black Friday is today. I am staying in to save my money and my life from those discount-crazed loonies that trample each other at Wal-Mart. But Christmas, this is the hard time. Every December, I get a year older. It's the month that my great grandmother and grandpa died. Messed up enough, my Grandma is the one that embedded that last reason in my mind for hating the holidays, and this Christmas, she will be coasting on strong Alzheimer's and anti-depression meds, completely unaware of what this month used to mean to her. Perhaps this year I can break the cycle of December being a symbol of anxiety and sadness. I'm not sure how though, lol. I will keep you posted.

Grandma's Roomie

Grandma's new roommate at the home is the doll lady. A while back, I mentioned how I was creeped out by this woman that talks to a baby doll at the home. She is now rooming with Grandma, and I am more creeped. I feel so insensitive. She is a sweet, older woman that is losing her mind and talks to a doll. But man, does she scare me. I believe I have mentioned my deep fear of losing my own mind, and seeing her is more of a reminder of that than looking at my own grandmother. Yikes.

Cake and More Cake

I baked a cake yesterday and my brother and I went in on it like it was the first cake we had ever had! Just a box yellow cake with chocolate frosting but Jesus! It was amazing. Then my brother's dad made a red velvet cake and I had 3 pieces. Since I was a child, I have had a lurking, yet admittedly unreasonable fear that my stepdad is trying to kill me. If that was the case, I would have been dead yesterday, because I ate that cake like it was going out of style! I have had a ridic sweet tooth. I will bake my last cake today and that will be it for a while...I hope.

Thanksgiving 2012

My sexy chicken before I put her in the oven. Look at her being all flirty!

Green beans, onions, and chicken sausage. Don't sleep on chicken sausage, it's a great seasoning meat.

Granny playing checkers.

Granny and my brother Cass.

Aunty Lara, Granny, and Cass.

 

Before yesterday, I was pretty sure I was going to have a bland and lonely Thanksgiving. My Aunty G and cousin went to Detroit to hang with our Detroit fam, my Aunty Lara worked for the overtime, and my roommate was going to someone else's house. My mom had a big Thanksgiving dinner, but I couldn't get to her house. But my brother was able to come home from school, so we ate and watched Netflix and visited my Grandma at the home. I am happy he is here, otherwise I think I just would have cried the whole time.

I watch Nicki videos for the same reason that I watch Beyonce videos: the outfits.

Decisions. Decisions

Serious and urgent decisions need to be made about my career (which directly effects my money) and it's making my stomach hurt. I will just be sitting here, with a stomachache, and wonder what my issue is, and then I remember: serious and urgent decisions need to be made about my career. I am 27. Next month I will be 28. Moves have to be made to the point that I can not sleep, and every decision I can think of leads to me being broke, depressed, anxious, and terrified for an uncomfortable amount of time.
I have recently begun what I refer to as cocooning. I realize that what I am about to describe is not the real psychological definition. But what I have begun doing is hiding under my covers and pretending I am in the womb so I can have 27 extra years to make my serious and urgent decisions about my career. In kindergarten, I would probably have been reading self-help books instead of Dr. Seus so I would grow up confident with more faith in my self professionally and in my ability to support myself.
P quit his job as a nurse to drive a cab. Maybe I should quit being a journalist to wear a nightgown and scream at the sky downtown.
Serious and urgent decisions need to be made about my career. Until I get the balls to make them, I guess I will cocoon.