Signs of an Early Cuff

Bells screenshot me a pic of a text conversation she'd had with Troy, a man that she hadn't talked to in five years. He was very clear and eloquent in his request for no-strings-attached sex. She angrily text-replied no. He politely as was all like, "Thank you for your time." Understandably, Bells was upset.
 "Can you believe this guy?" she demanded.
I laughed to myself. I'm 32, not 22. Nothing these dudes can say or do can surprise me anymore.
"What does he think this is?!" she wanted to know. "He just wants something for nothing."
Yeah he does. Unintentionally, I looked at the corner of my computer screen and saw the date. It's Aug. 9. Sickles texted me just the other day. Summer is officially over on September 22. I did some quick math on my fingers and toes and concluded this: cuffing season must be coming early this year.
Yes, cuffing season. That special time of year when the lonely are in a mad dash to find someone to roast chestnuts with. Three cuffing seasons ago, I was really feeling myself. Men were asking me for my number left and right. I was doing a two-step down the street, thinking that men must have been taking notice of how much better my hair looked since I made the switch from leave-in conditioner to coconut oil. NOT! Someone hipped me to the cuffing game. Now I make a mental note of it as the first leaves fall in Autumn.
I guess that everyone's summer loves are ending early, because the smart guys are reaching out early, trying to get things in order before it is even time to put on long-sleeve shirts. They know what Bells and I learned late: cuffing season is real.
Back when I was a college student, sitting in my dorm room crying and journaling, wishing my male peers would notice me, I wished that someone, anyone, would share with me the secret to finding a companion. If I could go back in time, I would tell myself to shower and stand outside the men's dorm during homecoming and see what happens. Because there is a secret that only those of us women who are really aware know: you may be a lonely lady, but NO ONE hates being lonely more than a man. While we are at home, crying on tear-stained sheets, they are madly searching the streets, looking for ANYTHING to snuggle up to. Be in the right place at the right time and you may find yourself this fall with a decent, all be it temporary, man. This is why women with good sense don't even bother.
But be warned. The pre-cuff is here, alive, and well. Your ex will text you. Your ex ex will call. You randomly run into your ex ex ex at the grocery store when you know he doesn't cook. Don't be alarmed. It's the season for such events.
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