The Online Thing

Bells told me that she is thinking about doing online dating again, and she suggested that I do it as well. That was funny.
I told her what I tell anyone else who suggests that I, me, should go on any type of online dating platform: no.
And I was partially honest with her about why it just could never happen. If I went on one of these sites and actually met someone who would then become my boyfriend, I feel like I would abandon my goals and focus on being in love. Then, if he ever left me, I would be stuck with nothing to show for it.
"Do you think that would really happen?" she asked. She was skeptical.
The answer to that is absolutely. In the 8th grade, when I got a boyfriend, I was so busy talking to him on the cordless phone that my grades went from hot to a hot mess in less than a semester. And, believe it or not, I don't think I have changed that much since I was thirteen. I simply can not focus when attention and love are involved. These are both very addictive things for me, like Apple Snapple and the chocolate covered pretzels that I have in the freezer. Face it: I'm just not a boss that knows how to balance.
The other half of the reasoning is sad yet simple: what if no one likes me? I have dealt with rejection from men in real life. I don't want to have to deal with that online as well. In reality, you can always lie to yourself. Maybe you just haven't come across him yet. You can't do that online. There are thousands and thousands, maybe even millions, of desperate men online. If not even one of them was found by the cyber gods to match my values or characteristics, that would be devastating! If that happened to me, I may not try to date for a long time. And I am 32, okay? It's not like I have time to waist on the bench.
I guess online dating has a lot to do with taking chances and God knows I have never been good at that. Here's to hoping that I find a man naturally, like in the feminine hygiene aisle at the grocery store.