Birdman Love- The Story of Tatted Face

This cuffing season has been dry as a bone for your girl Holls.
Like an idiot, I erased the numbers of all my old, unlovable losers, so I have had no options. This was liberating at first, now I am kind of seeing this as the biggest mistake of my winter. I know it was what was best, but I'm cold and lonely. Can a sister get a text?!
I haven't even heard from Sickles. Old dependable Sickles. He has missed his quarterly text to me, which leads me to believe that he has a real girlfriend or is in jail. Both have been the case in the past.
An old man told me I was beautiful at the customer service counter at the grocery store, and he was a cute old guy who could still walk, so I would have totally given him my number, but I was turned off by the number of lottery tickets he was purchasing.
Only one guy has tried to talk to me this winter, and I have seen him twice, which may be a sign that he is the love of my life. The first time I saw him was at Wal-Mart. I accidentally looked in his direction while trying to navigate my cart around a potato chip display. I swerved into the snack aisle and bent down to get a box of Little Debbie cakes. When I looked up, he was right beside me, smiling. And his teeth were actually pretty nice for a man that had tattooed the whole left side of his face.
"Hey Ms. Lady," he said in the sweet, deep, southern drawl of a Georgia boy who has just finished smoking a blunt.
"Hello," I said, completely enthralled by the numerous symbols tattoed on his face. There was a heart and a knife and a dollar sign and a whole bunch of other stuff. I walked with him long enough to find out that he had tatted the tattoos on his face himself. He wants to be a tattoo artist and needed the practice. That's when I lied, told him I had a boyfriend, and made my exit.
Not long after the elderly man called me pretty at the grocery store, I ran into Tatted Face in the lunch meat section. I told him he looked familiar, and he said, "Yeah, we met a Wal-Mart."
"Oh yeah," I said, hightailing it out of there. I could feel him staring at me all the way to the dry bean aisle. There were even more tats on his face than last time, but all still on the same side.
Now I am wondering if I was being silly. I just had a conversation with Tortilla about dropping her standards now that she is 30, and I here I am running from men just because their face is tatted. Tatted Face may be my future.This Valentine's Day, I could be out and about with Tatted Face instead of at home with my brother watching reruns of iCarly, which, by the way, is a HILARIOUS show! I mean, Toni Braxton is dating Birdman. If a scary tat face is good enough for an R&B superstar, it should be enough for me.
I am due for another Wal-Mart run. I will let you know if I run into him again. Fingers crossed, I want to be married by 35.

Celebrate Valentine's Day with Dana's Bakery

Flowers and candy can be so cliche! Get your beau these adorable (and tasty) macaroons from Dana's Bakery for Valentine's Day.  

Dana's Bakery Sweetheart Box, $12 (Box of 12 Macaroons)

DanasBakery.com

Dana's Bakery Love Box, $36 (Box of 12 Macaroons)

DanasBakery.com

Valentine's Day with Purity Vodka, Bruce Cost Ginger Ale, and Santa Margherita Sparkling Rosé

The Rosemary Hound

INGREDIENTS

2 Parts Purity Vodka

1 Part Simple Syrup

4 Tablespoons Fresh Rosemary Leaves

½ Part Ruby Red Grapefruit Juice

2 Slices Ruby Red Grapefruit, for Garnish

DIRECTIONS

Place the grapefruit juice, vodka and 1 ounce rosemary simple syrup in a cocktail shaker with ice. Shake well to mix. Serve on the rocks, garnished with a grapefruit slide.

Flor Adora 

Recipe Credit: Bruce Cost Ginger Ale

Ingredients 

• 0.75 oz lemon juice
• 0.75 oz Small Hand Foods raspberry gum syrup
• 1.5 oz Plymouth gin
• 4 oz Bruce Cost Ginger Ale Original

Directions

• Combine all ingredients in a glass with ice, garnish as desired

Rose Petal Rosé

INGREDIENTS

1 bottle of Santa Margherita Sparkling Rosé

Pink rose petals

DIRECTIONS

Pour glass of Santa Margherita Sparkling Rosé. Place a pink rose petal on top and serve.