Birdman Love- The Story of Tatted Face

This cuffing season has been dry as a bone for your girl Holls.
Like an idiot, I erased the numbers of all my old, unlovable losers, so I have had no options. This was liberating at first, now I am kind of seeing this as the biggest mistake of my winter. I know it was what was best, but I'm cold and lonely. Can a sister get a text?!
I haven't even heard from Sickles. Old dependable Sickles. He has missed his quarterly text to me, which leads me to believe that he has a real girlfriend or is in jail. Both have been the case in the past.
An old man told me I was beautiful at the customer service counter at the grocery store, and he was a cute old guy who could still walk, so I would have totally given him my number, but I was turned off by the number of lottery tickets he was purchasing.
Only one guy has tried to talk to me this winter, and I have seen him twice, which may be a sign that he is the love of my life. The first time I saw him was at Wal-Mart. I accidentally looked in his direction while trying to navigate my cart around a potato chip display. I swerved into the snack aisle and bent down to get a box of Little Debbie cakes. When I looked up, he was right beside me, smiling. And his teeth were actually pretty nice for a man that had tattooed the whole left side of his face.
"Hey Ms. Lady," he said in the sweet, deep, southern drawl of a Georgia boy who has just finished smoking a blunt.
"Hello," I said, completely enthralled by the numerous symbols tattoed on his face. There was a heart and a knife and a dollar sign and a whole bunch of other stuff. I walked with him long enough to find out that he had tatted the tattoos on his face himself. He wants to be a tattoo artist and needed the practice. That's when I lied, told him I had a boyfriend, and made my exit.
Not long after the elderly man called me pretty at the grocery store, I ran into Tatted Face in the lunch meat section. I told him he looked familiar, and he said, "Yeah, we met a Wal-Mart."
"Oh yeah," I said, hightailing it out of there. I could feel him staring at me all the way to the dry bean aisle. There were even more tats on his face than last time, but all still on the same side.
Now I am wondering if I was being silly. I just had a conversation with Tortilla about dropping her standards now that she is 30, and I here I am running from men just because their face is tatted. Tatted Face may be my future.This Valentine's Day, I could be out and about with Tatted Face instead of at home with my brother watching reruns of iCarly, which, by the way, is a HILARIOUS show! I mean, Toni Braxton is dating Birdman. If a scary tat face is good enough for an R&B superstar, it should be enough for me.
I am due for another Wal-Mart run. I will let you know if I run into him again. Fingers crossed, I want to be married by 35.

Sickles and the 'like'

So the other day I was nodding off when my phone buzzed in my hand. Has that ever happened to you? You wake up panicked!
It was none other than Sickles. He was texting me, saying hey, essentially. He sent me a selfie of himself smiling. I said hey back...essentially, then proceeded to return to my nap.
I may have been asleep a full two minutes before my phone buzzed in my hand again. And again, I woke up startled, only to find that the buzzes were alerts from Instagram. Sickles had liked three of my pictures. I screamed. I didn't even know that Sickles knew my last name!
I can't tell you whether or not I was scared or shocked in that moment. But what I can say was that I was uncomfortable. Yes, I have known this guy for about four years. And our renothingship has had absolutely zero progress. I know his full name but that is about it. I don't know where he works or where he lives. Knowing that he could go through my IG feed and see pics of me with friends and family and colleagues made me feel like my face was being ripped off; like I was naked. And vulnerable. And yes, even spied on.
But then it dawned on me: I could now look on his page. Yesssssssss.
When I first met him, I think I looked at his IG once. He wanted to show me a picture of someone, and I kicked myself later for not remembering his IG name. So I was eager to see what was on his page, and was disappointingly greeted with a whole bunch of memes. Memes with jokes that I didn't get. I couldn't believe this! People put their whole life on IG. I have seen live births on IG! But somehow, after looking at Sickles' page, I was more lost as to who he really is than I was before!
Something that was of value was a picture of him from a year ago with a pretty woman that he referred to as his wcw. I wonder who she is. But it's not like it matters. You don't have to answer to people you are in a renothingship with.

Summer Lovin' Revisits

So Pool Guy hit me up early last week. I didn't tell you much about him because I ended up being embarrassed in the end as usual. At the beginning of the summer, we met at the pool, went on a date, made out, then he went ghost. He called me to tell me that his phone had broken, he got a new one, got my number off of the old one, and wanted to see me. Oh, and he now has a girlfriend. We met up, and he told me that he is only dating her for "financial reasons." There was some light kiss kiss, but I told him I couldn't talk to him anymore if he had a lady. I guess that was that, I haven't heard from him.
Then there is Sickles. I am confident that Sickles has no interest in me- that he only texts me so that he stays on my mind. He texted me last night to say hi, 2 weeks after my last text to him went unanswered.
Both guys are cute, but sadly, I think they are both a bust. I really, really like Pool Guy though. That makes me sad. But, as part of my being Shameless, I am trying to remain optimistic. Maybe my fall will bring me more serious love possibilities. Fingers crossed.