Asexual

Another close friend assumed I am an asexual. Sigh.
I told my friend Alex during our last conversation that I think that I have a crush on a man that goes to my church, and she thought that was interesting because she didn't think I was interested in men...or women...or anything! Sadly, she is not the first friend to assume this.
"Why do you think this about me?" I asked. I have to say, I was a little hurt, just as I was a lot hurt when my other friend suggested the same thing a few years back.
"I have never seen you with a man," she began. "I have never heard you really talk about any guys. I have never seen you with a woman. I just thought you were asexual."
"Well, I'm not," I defended, even though everything she said was true. So, defensively, I said, "What am I supposed to do? Men just aren't interested in me, and the ones that are suck!"
#facts. We need only to look to the laundry list of men I liked in college who didn't know I was alive, and the ones that did were very strategic in ignoring me. I am comfortable with saying that the men that liked me after college were complete and total liars. There was the man who got a girl pregnant in a club. The long-distance guy who refused to come see me. The married man. The man with the criminal record and side babies. Why would I want to introduce those gems to anyone in my life?
And let me just say that I don't have any beef with the asexual community. I think that they are on to something. But since I am not asexual, the fact that those closest to me that have known me my entire life think I am sucks.
"So what am I supposed to do? No one is interested," I said.
"You need to go for different kinds of men," she instructed. "And you need to try harder."
"I am trying!" I cried. Honestly, I'm not. Looking for love was literally making me crazy. Three years ago, I cuddled in the corner with my list of crushes and happily resigned to my fantasy love life. I had to for my heart and mental health! And if that makes me an asexual, so be it...I guess😞

Crustville

It's always interesting talking to my friend Alex because we are so different. She lives life outside of the box, and I live life so inside of the box that I am beginning to develop agoraphobia. This was somewhat the theme of our conversation today.
"I turn 34 this year, and I am not sure what to do for my birthday," I explained to her. "Last year I had a tea tasting, and the year before that, I had a movie night."
"Boring!" she exclaimed. "Teas and movie nights are not the way you celebrate getting older."
"I guess I could do something a little more fun," I whimpered into the phone. "I don't want to be old and crusty."
"Girl, you are on your way to Crustville, no stops!" she yelled in my ear.
It's always a little sad when people are hip to something about yourself that you thought that you were hiding. I noticed at my homecoming last year that I'm not as fun as I used to be in my 20s. But in my 20s, I was happy and optimistic, eager to see what life had to offer. Now I know what life has to offer: dead parents, debt, evictions, low credit scores, bad dates, and depression. Nothing about any of these things makes me want to put on a slinky dress and stand outside the club in a line, waiting to stand for another four hours in the middle of a crowded dance floor while drunk dudes bump into me.
"You need to live a little," Alex advised.
I've lived a little. Then life happened, now I'm living la vida in silence. Yes, I am for having a good time, but unlike 20s me, I have no interest in frazzle and minimal interest in dazzle.
"You are right." She was right. She is a good friend, and I am really taking what she said under advisement. If this year has taught me anything, it is that life is short. So, in regards to my birthday, do you think that Groupon has competitive rates on group knitting classes? I have always wanted to learn.