Reviews

Apparently, my church singles ministry isn't as boring as I was originally led to believe. During the church's recent women's retreat, I was informed by my bonk mate that the singles often go on these cute little group dates. It's like Jesus's answer to speed dating. Naturally, I wanted in. So I asked her about the guy I like at church, Bill, and she had bad news for me.
"Yeah, he's single. But he has bad reviews."
I felt like someone had let the air out of my balloon. He's really hot. Really sweet. Employed. But the review is that he is a bit of a man-child. This wouldn't be that big of a deal if he were not about three years older than me.
Later that night, I found myself mourning Bad Review Bill. I liked him so of course, his reviews had to be bad. But then it dawned on me: who amongst us doesn't have bad reviews?  I have made it a point to completely cut off communication with any man I have ever talked to romantically, but if I found their number in an old phone and asked them for my reviews, I am betting they would be worst than Bill's.
Sickles would say that I am a tease that is way too available. Because I was lonely, I would still accept his calls, when he did call, which could be anywhere between 2-3 times a year.
H-Town, this overly optimistic tard that I met at the mall would tell you that I am a downer. His relentless glass-half-full attitude made me feel even sadder than I was usually. He gave me no space to express my real feelings, so I found myself often lying about my mood, sweetening all of our texts with happy emojis that I didn't mean. He went back to Texas for a job and I was happy. I'd rather be depressed than fake excited about life.
The others would take note of my fear of germs, refusal to French kiss, and irritating naivety when it comes to dating. Pool Bae from the pool at the gym would have worst reviews that that, upset about how I wanted him to be my boyfriend and cut him off when he said that that was not an option. He liked me and all, but his main girl was paying all of his bills, which was great because he paid a butt-load in child support, and he didn't want to shake things up. I found that unacceptable and we stopped talking. I'm sure he would say I'm not understanding.
As we try to find love in our 30s, should past reviews even matter? Another woman's complaint could be your Godsend. Or should us mature daters pay even more attention to 2-star guys, seeing that we no longer have dating time to waste? I guess that depends on the woman. I myself am not sure, but Bill is cute enough not to care either way.