The Kicker

Have you noticed that people in relationships or in a marriage or partnership never encourage you to find a mate? I used to think that they all wanted to be a part of this exclusive club. Now I think that they are trying to warn single women to consider other options. I have told some people in my life that I want to have a boyfriend, and these have been their responses:

Friend 1: "Get a cat."

Friend 2: "Get a dog."

Friend 3: "Get real."

Friend 4: "Get one of those professional cuddle buddies you can pay by the hour."

Friend 5: "Get a weighted blanket."

Friend 5 was my favorite because she elaborated on her response. She has also been in a committed relationship for 300 years. She says, "Boyfriends are a lot of work." She seemed so exhausted when she said it that I thought she was going to drop to the floor and take a nap right then! "Like, a lot of work. But you can get a weighted blanket on Amazon!" She said it as if she was five minutes away from placing an order of her own. 

Candy is nothing if not proactive. She sent me the link to what I thought was a dating app for men who like fat chicks. It ended up being a Facebook group for bony men who like to see hearty women in lacey thongs. I have not worn a thong since my sophomore year in college, so I don't think that page is the space for me. 

So sadly, I think that this is going to be another cold, cuddle-less winter. I have no idea where to find a man, and I attempted to give myself a big hug and it hurt my back and shoulder. That weighted blanket may be the move though. I saw some very affordable options on Amazon.