Skeez Louise pt 2: Chocolate Chuck and the Hypothetical D Pic

You may or may not know this about me, but I LOVE a good mystery; a good who done it and why. I like to swish the puzzle pieces of a situation around and study them until they all fit and make sense. I gobble up mystery novels like kitty nip. For me, there is mystery in everything, even in the lives of people I know. Scrolling through Instagram, the mysteries fly through my timeline and slap me in the face. How can a guy from my old neighborhood drive a Tesla, but need to create a GoFundMe fundraiser to bury his dad? How can a very petite girl I knew from my elementary school after school program be shapeless her whole life yet, after a trip to the Dominican Republic, now have a behind the size of Texas? And how can Chocolate Chuck's wife, Nerdy Nadine vanish? She's been scrubbed from his IG, along with any tangible proof that he ever had kids. Even the picks of his international vacations, that he never went on with Nadine, have been trashed, and replaced with promos for his business. Could Purple Reign have been right? Could their union, which once sprang from the springs of love at Xavier University, have decayed and fallen from the vine? And if it has, what is the most appropriate, sensitive, considerate, respectful way to see what that D do? 

Let's rewind back to about 2006, back when my sweet, fun, yet loopy and dopey friend Ditzy Diane had engaged in some XXX activities with Chuck. I mean she went on and on about it. Titanic didn't get as many rave reviews as she gave that D! She was literally clapping her hands and laughing as she told me about it. If her goal was to make me jealous, she had achieved it. I remember looking over my shoulder at Chuck and Nadine on the other side of the cafeteria. I thought to myself that if I ever got skinny and pretty (because I am NOT Chuck's type) and if he wasn't with a woman who could crack my neck with her bare hands, I would shoot my shot. And I wouldn't need to go all-the-way like Ditzy Diane. A little peek would do it for me. Okay, so I am in no way skinny, but my spirit is telling me that this may be the best time. He obviously is in some type of a midlife transition, and I am suffering from medical related dehydration.

"Oh yeah, you can get a pic, no problem," Risky Business assured me. I tell you, it is truly dangerous to have a friend that will support you completely, even when you are being crazy. "And it won't be as hard as you think it is." But you see, Risky thinks that we should wait until homecoming when folks are feeling frisky and walk away with a bunch of D picks, not just the one. I'm good with just the one though. 

If I am being honest, it wasn't just Diana's review that has me curious. I slipped up and saw him shirtless on another friend's InstaLive which is what I think really kicked things in gear a couple of years ago. And now that I have been OnlyFans tricked and am scared of my test results, this desire to see D has taken over me! It's embarrassing and ridiculous...but nice work if I can get it. 

My anxiety can sometimes cause me to act impulsively and stupidly, so I am going to sit on this deep, jaw-flexing desire until I know what move to make. Plus, can't be all hoochy like in this. Where would the mystery be in that?

Homecoming Post 5: What Ever Happened to Nerdy Nadine? Another Drexel Wife Mystery

I have been to a few of these homecomings at this point and I am here to tell you that Xavier men marry two types of women: the ones that are very present, in your face, and attached at the hip or "The Caspers"- the ones that you know they married because you saw the pics on Instagram but you never see them in person or with them anywhere since. You need to know this to understand why I am concerned that Nerdy Nadine has gone ghost. 

Chocolate Chuck and Nerdy Nadine were an item all the while I was in school. They were a year ahead of me and ALWAYS together. Always. She had a claim on him that was very strong, considering that we were not that far removed from high school. They felt married even then. She was "nice" on the surface. But if you so much as looked at Chocolate Chuck for longer than she deemed appropriate, she would send dagger eyes at you from across the room. I have a few friends that thought he was cute in college and received the Artic shoulder from her. My homegirl Ditzy Diana said she actually hooked up with him and I feared for her safety. Nerdy Nadine was not f*&king around when it came to her man! She even tried to maintain this hold over him once he became Greek, which was sweet but about as fruitful as trying to collect water in a bucket with a hole in it. You see I knew something at 18 that she knew at 19 but was obviously choosing to ignore: Chocolate Chuck was slicker than Vaseline! It is one thing when a guy thinks he's slick. That can be...corrected. But when a guy actually is slick, it's a done deal. 

Following the Clues

It first became clear to me that something was up with Nerdy Nadine when Chocolate Chuck became a fixture on other people's IG pages going on trips and stuff without her. Then I ran into him at my 10-year reunion and he was shockingly solo. I very carefully approached him, not putting it past Nerdy Nadine to jump off the top of the University Center and take off my head, Kill Bill style. 

"Hey Chuck, where's Nadine?" I asked, looking over my shoulder. 

"She is at home with the kids," he said with that pretty, slick-ni*ga smile of his. Let me tell you, the only time I have actually been able to raise one eyebrow was after he said that. Recently, I saw him on IG at his frat brother's house looking gooooood topless poolside. I mean good, like Chic-Fil-A cookie good. The boy was serving body like cocktails! Now Nerdy Nadine and I were not friends in school, but I know she would have never allowed this! Purple Reign took a pic with him at homecoming. He brought up the case before I could even ask him about it. 

"I asked about Nerdy Nadine and he was very cryptic. He also was not wearing his ring," Purple Reign confirmed. "I think that they are divorced and co-parenting."

Maybe. But she is still in his IG photo, so I don't know. In my opinion, it is more likely that she is on an island with a lot of other Drexel wives, trying to get a phone signal. The world may never know.