My Red Hot Diflucan Summer

Do you remember that tiny pocket of time before the Delta strain of COVID chased us back in the house where we were actually enjoying a Hot Vax Summer? I use the word "we" as I refer to the culture. I wasn't participating in any of those brunches or birthday parties highlighted on social media. I was at home whimpering over my throbbing, itchy vagina. 

Many of my friends don't understand how I made it to nearly middle age without ever having a yeast infection and neither do I. I mean, when I was 18 I was wearing thongs to class in 700 degree New Orleans heat and was somehow spared. However, my good luck was no match for being put on an antibiotic for a toothache I was having. 

I'm surprised you didn't hear about it before now. I called any friend that would listen, complaining and whining. 

"Stop drinking cranberry juice!" Jamaica screamed into the phone. "That is for a UTI! Drink more water! The sugar is feeding the yeast!" This she tells me as I literally had a straw in a family-sized jug of Ocean Spray! 

"I know that you took a Diflucan Holly, but you can also use a vaginal anti-fungal," my mentor assured me. "Nothing will happen." I didn't believe her. I was fearful that I could die from some sort of vaginal overdose. In my defense, I was being irrational. It was hard to sleep, seeing that my gyn had a thick, heavy, heartbeat that rung in my ears whenever I closed my eyes. 

To add annoyance to injury, I sent my aunt to CVS to get me Monistat 1, a one-and-done treatment, and she came back with Monistat 7, a seven-day treatment! The treatment comes with these plastic pipe-like things. Who wants to be plastic-pipin' it for 7 days? Not I said the cat! 

"Oh shut up pampered pussy and use the damn cream!" Winfrey hollered at me, irritated by my sobbing into the phone. Tortilla was my only friend that showed me any compassion. She didn't make fun of my irrational fear of anti-itch cream. She's very patient with my phobias. 

The fact that women get these, some even chronically, should be front-page news! But just in case you haven't gotten one, let me leave you with some adjectives: itchy, throbbing, swollen. It's way worse than those treatment commercials lead you to believe. They will have you thinking that a yeast infection is just mildly uncomfortable. NOT! It's hellacious! 

Luckily, I lived through it to tell you about it, but it was touch and go for a minute there. Just know you have a sister in me when you inevitably end up yeasty, your cookie smelling like a medicated piece of toast. Aw, to be a woman. 

Almost Honest

Just a few moments ago I was texting a cute guy that I met during a girl's night out at Chili's. He asked me how my day was, and I began to respond. Afterward, I read over my text for grammar errors and immediately realized that I had to erase everything I'd written. I was telling him what a poopy day I'd had. This is a no no! I haven't known him long enough to be honest with him. I replaced my bad day rant with some poppycock about today being awesome because the sun was out. This was the biggest lie of all. The pollen was so heavy today that I thought I was going to have an asthma attack as I walked to work.

Every girl that knows something about anything knows that you don't show too much of yourself to a guy too early. For the first couple of months, you have to be on your best behavior. Never yelling. Down to do stupid stuff on dates that don't interest you. No farts. Being an intensely negative person, this means keeping my downer thoughts and the details of my downer days to myself. This stinks because I have so much to say but can't. If you could call my new beau and ask him to describe me, he would probably say that I am quiet. LOL, what a joke!

How awesome the world would be if you could just be yourself off the bat. No secrets. No lies. No wigs- you could just be you. I predict that relationships would end pretty soon, but that would be fine. No one's time would be wasted, and you could move on to the next in good conscience.

But sadly, this is not the way of the world. So for the next month or two, assuming my new beau doesn't drop me because he doesn't get that I'm not responding to him because I literally have nothing nice to say, I have to be Patty Positive, as boring and as fake as she is. You may be shaking your head interneters, but I'm telling you the truth. Nothing puts an end to a young courtship like honesty.

Introducing Le Dessein!

Using fashion to support a cause is not new. However, making those you are helping the face of your fashions is. Le Dessein is using 25% of the revenue from all pieces sold to help empower young girls through education. The cool part about their clothing: the young girls that the brand supports draw portraits which are then embroidered onto the fashions! See my favorite pieces from the collection below:

Nior, $173

 Deux Tons, $78

Le Petit, $81

Learn more about Le Dessein here.

Breaking Up is Hard to Do

Summer is officially over.
For the past few weeks, I have found myself going through my closet, trying to figure out what gets packed away for next year and what gets to stay hanging. It is too cold for my studded jean capris and entirely too hot for long-sleeved shirts. In the end, everything ends up where it was. I can't let things go. Never could.
I have never been one that lived by that slogan "out with the old, in with the new." It's insulting to me- that you would chuck something old for something new. But its that weird Limbo at the beginning of season changes where people are getting rid of their old things. Sadly, friendships are the first to go.
Let me first say that a confirmed friend has to do something really, really bad to not be on my friend list like murder or drinking off my cup or just something unforgivable. So imagine my shock and dismay when I heard that two of my girls are no longer girls anymore over what is probably some dumb shizzle. Yes, I am experiencing a friend break-up.
Friend break-ups are the worst. They are worst than boy break-ups because boys will dump you and bounce. In a friend break-up, the whole clique is affected. No more group plans because friends aren't talking. Oh, they say it won't be any different, they just won't talk to each other, but how lame is that going to be? In a worst-case scenario, some friends take sides. It's a nightmare!
I can't wrap my mind around it. My friends are special to me. I can't just dispose of them without attempting to work it out. But seasons change, and this whole "out with the old, in with the new" thing comes into play. I don't plan on letting go of any of my close homies, but perhaps I can find a short-sleeved shirt to pack away. Baby steps.