All The Really Small Things

The world seems to be going loco. I find that when I get stressed about how crazy everything is, I try to focus on the small things. I'm finding that as the cray-cray gets bigger, I'm discovering joy in even the really small things. Thus is the case when you are grasping at straws. 

I got really excited to hear that Tiesha and Lisha got their hair braided. A friend of mine called me from church. I had a chili cheese potato from Wendy's. I received some mail I'd been waiting on. YAY! As life seems to be more and more unfamiliar, it is critical that you keep your eye on the ball...even if the ball seems to be shrinking. 

My grandpa died of a massive heart attack in the mid- to- late '80s at the height of the AIDS and crack crisis. My grandma had to sell her home and prepare to move across the country while having to deal with her moody and emotional grandchild (me!). During this time I recall her being stoked about her soap operas and the song "Don't Worry, Be Happy" by Bobby McFerrin. In our current state of uncertainty, I find myself watching tacky Tubi movies and listening to "North Memphis" by Project Pat. Isn't it beautiful when traditions span generations? 

If you are like me and you are feeling the crush of the times, I encourage you to get big happy about tiny victories. Do a cartwheel when you discover there is one dryer sheet left. Praise God when you see that the milk isn't yet expired. In this day and age, even the mini victories are enormous! 

Dateline 30-Something

Did you know that people are still dating? I honest to God had no idea! I thought that all of us that are not married by now had agreed to give up years ago! I mean, can you believe it. People are still trying. I mean, I am shocked! Do you know how much energy it takes to try? It takes all I have just to roll over and groan into my pillow! 

My friend Ashley said she went on three dates last week. Three. One. Two. Three. Three dates. On three separate occasions, she showered, did her hair, got dressed, left her apartment, drove to a location, met with a man, had banter for two hours, then came home. She did this three times. One. Two. Three. Wooo! I need a nap from just typing that out! 

I mean, I get it I guess. A lot of my friends want marriage and kids, so if ever there was a time to amp up the dating, I guess the time is now. I don't want kids, but I like to think that if I did, I would just cut my losses and go to the sperm bank! The motivation it takes to go on apps and get out and meet people...yikes! I just don't have it, not that I ever really did. But I really don't now. My tolerance for disappointment has decreased over the past ten years. Just the idea of being let down makes me sleepy. 

But I have to admit, I have my fingers crossed for my friends still fighting the good fight. Every friend over 35 that finds love is just indication that all the rom coms were right, and there is love to be found going into middle age! Hey, I hear you laughing at me, but whatever. Believing in fantasies keeps you young. 

24/34

The other day, I flipped back some pages in my journal and began reading passages from when I was 24. You would have thought that I had written those entries yesterday because my complaints about money, graduate school, and not knowing what I was going to do with my life read all too current. We are talking 10 years! How do I still have the same fears and anxieties?
My mentor recently told me that I need to "take the first step" with a lot of things in my life. She is so right. There are so many things that I have not started or accomplished out of fear of failure, so I don't even try. But this has to change. I don't want to go into middle age still debating on whether or not I want to retake the GRE or move out of Atlanta.
I have discovered that after my first big failure in my 20s, it has been increasingly more difficult for me to make decisions, not hat it was easy for me back then. I do recall moving through life with relatively more ease. But that just may have been because I was young, and not as aware as I am now that one wrong move could send me spiraling downwards and backward on the path of my life. I'm not old, but I am too old to make young mistakes. Just as with my joints, my rebound time from taking a hit has slowed significantly. That's why admire these young Instagram entrepreneurs that have put their last into a weave business and they are now millionaires. If I put my last into anything, the odds are too high that, if it goes south, I will spend the next ten years eating out of a tin can.
As true as this may be, I don't want to waste time making excuses. I want to do as my mentor advised and "take the first step". So I am currently working on a play, something I have always wanted to do. But I'm not as naive as I was when I was 5, watching a video of the play Purlie Victorious with my grandmother. I am very aware that my attempt at local theater flops, my career will take a Mike Tyson level hit that it may take me forever to recoup from. But you can't live in fear, right? So onward I go, working on my play. Hopefully, my 44-year-old entries will be written from a place of success and wealth. #positivethinking