Homecoming Post 1: Envying Scalene

I decided to take a break from watching sex scenes in F-grade Tubi movies long enough to go to homecoming this year. I was a little apprehensive about going for several reasons, but was very excited once I arrived. The atmosphere was electric, so I happily walked onto campus and smack dab into Scalene. There are some women so attractive that they make other women feel like dirt by merely existing, and that woman is Scalene for me. Of course, I'd run into her while having the worst hair day of my life. 

"Hey beautiful!" she exclaimed, giving me a hug. 

Beautiful. The nerve of this chick. Where does she get off calling me beautiful? 

"Hey girl!" I said through clenched teeth. 

You will be excited to know that she looks younger now than she did in college, and she has become one of those insufferable 40-year-old women who wear crop tops. But why wouldn't she be? In college, she was already prettier than most of us and had a better body, yet she wore perfect makeup just to step on our necks. I didn't see her husband there, but don't get excited. They are still together. However, not seeing him made me think of her college boyfriend, whom I was in love with, along with 99 other guys. 

"I'm going to take him from you," I'd said jokingly, not jokingly, to her back in the day in the cafe. 

She smiled at me and said, "You should try it." Then she bit down on a French fry and winked at me. Can we just have a moment to meditate on how obnoxious that was?

But even that could be forgiven if she'd get fat, just once. I feel like that would give me the spiritual healing that I so desperately need. Her success, cheery disposition, and positive attitude definitely aren't doing the trick. 

I can hear you all now. "But Holly, if there are things about yourself you don't like, why not work on those things instead of investing time in being envious of others?" I hear that. And to that I say, "Bite me." Saturday, I watched her twerk with her friends while I kicked myself for not bringing Tiger Balm to lather my knees with. Bite. Me. 

All and all, I was happy that I got to see old Scalene and do some catching up. Envious or not, it's always a pleasure to see a Xavier sister looking and doing well. 

10 Year Fears

I didn't go to my 10-year high school reunion. I ended up going to a high school outside of my district, gay boyfriend in toe, for a fresh start. What I got instead was a fresh hell. I won't go into too many deats. Let's just say it was horrible.

On the flip side, I had the time of my life in college. It was how I had wished that high school had been! I had fun. I was social. I had friends. People knew who I was. Yet, my 10-year reunion is later on this year, and I don't think that I will be going to that one either.

Thanks to the soul-imprisoning social network that is Facebook, you no longer need a reunion to keep up with your compadres. A large amount of my time in the morning is dedicated to going through my Facebook timeline and liking advance degree announcements, manicured hand engagement pics, wedding albums, and job promotion brags. And who can forget the exotic vacation imagery? I feel in my heart that attending my reunion will just make me even more envious and depressed. I would like to see my friends, but I feel like they all have gotten more beautiful with age. Meanwhile, I have gotten fatter when I was already fat to begin with!

I can't believe that it has already been ten years. Where has the time gone?! I have to look at my resume to remember, which is another post entirely. For now, these are my feelings on that: 😒.

I want to go to my reunion, but only if I'm gorgeous and making Arab money. That may sound stupid, but I feel close enough to you to tell you how I feel. We'll see how far I have progressed for my 20-year reunion.