The New Year with The Hope Daily Planner

I have talked a great deal about my need to get more organized in my life and my ongoing spiritual journey to get closer to God. I am not going to lie: both have been a struggle. For me, it all boils down to time. The days seem to ALWAYS get away from me, and I never have time to tackle my to-do list or study my Bible. But then I was sent this Daily Hope Planner by Hope Fuel and it is helping me to start the year off right. 

If you are as unorganized as me, you have probably had planners before that you didn't stick to. In the past, I have made a habit out of purchasing the prettiest ones that I can find. Then they just sat on my bookshelf and collected dust because I lacked the motivation to even get started. I have even downloaded apps that go unused because I figure that I can remember what I need to do, but never do. The Daily Hope Planner has been helpful for me because it asked questions that helped me to really sit and think about what it is that I want to accomplish this year and how that is connected to the relationship that I am trying to build with God. 

Because I am often easily discouraged, I like the space that the planner gives me to remind myself what I am thankful for. It also encourages you to start your weeks off with a devotional. My devotionals for the year will be centered around organization and staying the course. This helps me to not only stay focused, but to tie my goals and needs back to God. 

Eager to start your year off on the good foot? Click here for more info on Hope Fuel products. 

34

I once went to a dinner party where one of the guests stood up and showed me her vajayjay. She had been talking about how she got Brazilian waxes. This being years ago, I had never heard of a Brazilian wax. So she stood up, lifted her skirt, and showed me her bare snatch in front of everyone. That was nowhere near as awkward as the idea of spending another year of my life doing the same old same old.
How am I feeling? I feel like I want to be emersed in hot water and emerge with a life, job, money, and a man worthy of a  34-year-old woman. I have been told that fear and doubt are lifelong obstacles, but my obstacles have been hanging around for a bit too long. I have got to shake these and at least make rooms for some new ones.
And yes, I have been feeling this way for a while. You may be wondering what everyone else in my life is wondering: what will make next year different than the horrors of years passed? As tired and depressed and downtrodden that I am and have been, I have to make this year a year of action. And not because I can't wait to hit the ground running, but because I have seen what happens when you sit on your ass and cry for years and I have to tell you all, it's not pretty.
To show you how serious I am about 34, I am already getting ready for the new me, a whopping two months in advance. And this is serious. I could be using this two months to enjoy the last bit of time I can dedicate to my destitution and deep unhappiness but no, I am making moves baby! And last week, I made the biggest move yet: I bought a new journal. All the lady bosses who claim that they have it all together have all said journaling your goals and dreams is the easiest, quickest way to get your life off the ground. It's pink, sparkly, and has some type of positive saying on the front. It has good juju and I am excited to see what good luck it brings me.
But for now, I am going to watch E! TV in my nightgown and silk bonnet while drinking hot tea out of a plastic bowl...braless. I know. Awkward.

Not So Dirty 30: Beating Bitter

I think that over exposure on social media and the old and improved art of comparing yourself to others is causing some of the women in my circle to go bitter at rapid rates. It seems like yesterday, all my friends were young and fun and able to show love and excitement for the accomplishments of others. Now, at 30, one wedding photo on Facebook can send one of my lady besties into an emotional downward spiral that ends in them spewing a gush of negativity, hatred and nastiness.
"What? _____ is getting married? To who? He must not have known she was a hoe in college! How is she married now when she was just living with _____? I mean, that was her right?" This is usually the gist of the kinder of the remarks.
Ah bitterness. It has the ability to swallow a friend whole in one big gulp with out them even knowing it. They honestly don't hear themselves as they go on and on about how ______ must have slept her way to a promotion or how they hope _______ relationship is over as soon as it begins because _____ is a bitch and her new hairdo is too young for her.
I have to admit, I am not innocent of this. I have found myself laughing at people's bridal gowns and clicking out of Facebook before the bad me takes over and begins leaving witty, rude comments under people's pictures. Writing, "Man, I wish Facebook had a dislike button," under a pic of someone's newborn may sound funny in my head but doesn't come across that way on screen.
How do you beat bitter? I am guessing seeing that I am consistently trying to outrun it myself. The positive nice people in my circle say that you have to work on being genuinely happy for others while diligently working towards your goals. Something else about positive energy coming to you when you put it out. Treat people how you want to be treated. Pretty hurts. Love is a battlefield. Blah, blah, blah.
Beating bitter is a constant battle for me, but I think I am winning. However, I have to admit, laughing at a friend's big-headed baby does brighten up my day sometimes.

Not So Dirty 30: Alzheimer's Itis

Anyone who says that they are not afraid of getting old is either lying or an idiot. If they are not afraid, they definitely should be.
This weekend, my grandmother turned 90-years-old. Growing up she as a vibrant, beautiful fashionista that loved to cook and go to the mall. We were very, very close. Now, because of Alzheimer's Disease, she has absolutely no earthly idea who I am. And at her nursing home, she is surrounded by people like her. Men and women who once had vibrant lives but now, for various reasons, can not tell you what day it is or who they are.
If this doesn't not scare you- waking up and not knowing who you or who your loved ones are- I can not understand where you are coming from. My guess is that you have not had someone close to you that you love lose it.
The other day I diagnosed myself with Alzheimer's Itis- a fake disease but a real issue. You see my great-grandfather had it and so does my granny. There is a good chance that my mom or aunts may as well as me or my siblings. This makes me afraid of the warning signs before I am even at an age where I would be at risk. What are the symptoms? If I forget anything, no matter how stupid or how long ago it happened, I panic. I find myself reciting random facts about my life to myself, just as my grandmother is consistently telling the nurses her name and birthday. I have to write everything down. I don't want to be put in a position where I could forget something which is cray, because naturally, you can not remember everything.
I don't think there is a cure for this, just a side effect of having a loved one that has been effected by the disease. Fingers crossed, God spares me from this.

Not-So-Dirty 30: Roommates

I'm 30 and looking for a roommate.
As a child, I imagined I would be traveling the world at this age, not cruising Craigslist for a roommate that would not kill me.
But sadly, that is the case after my last roomie moved back to the safety of her parent's house in NYC. Must be nice.
So far I have been hit up by a lot of men looking for free shelter in exchange for sex because, as you know, today's men are classy.
There hasn't been a roomie love connection yet. Will keep you posted.